Boyfriend next wants sex - mid 20s

[Piza]

Hello;

We're both 27. We used to have a lot of sex. Just moved in together about 4 months ago and we have sex like once a month now.

I'm not one to "force" sex so if he doesn't want it, Im fine with it but lately I'm feeling insecure. I asked him if he still thinks I'm attractive and he says he is very attracted to me but it's just finding the time and his mental health hasn't been good.

Sometimes he'll say "we can have sex if you want" but I say no to that as I don't want sex if it's just because I want to.

Just feeling a bit down this morning about it all and I feel it's causing some tension between us (particularly me being moody)

At the age you are, I would leave. You are still young and have plenty of time to meet someone new. It's not uncommon for sex to be rampant at first and then decline, but far less likely that the decline can be reversed.

At the beginning a partner seems very exciting and emotions run high. Perhaps he is no longer 'in love'. If you've known each other a few years, then you are both likely to have matured and changed, and perhaps grown apart. Maybe living together has changed things- everyday life and domestic chores aren't the stuff of romance

Of course if would be.

"My BF and I only have sex once a month but because of stress/mental health issues I can't do more right now. He says he's going to leave me."

Yeah, I'm sure all the replies would be on his side.

Move out and end it. These things never improve.

You must be new on MN.

You're 27?

Move out. Don't waste any more time.

News flash-there are loads of men in their twenties who want to have sex all the time. It should not take you long to find one.

Moved in suggests a reasonably committed relationship. They might have bought a house together for all anyone knows.

Shit advice just to say "leave him" without knowing any of the background.

Porn addiction?

Oh come off it.

Far from being moody, OP is at pains to ensure that she & her b/f ONLY ever have sex when he genuinely wants to. She is considerate to him & doesn't force the issue. I don't think you understand what domestic abuse it @traintraveller

Being upset because your sex drives don't match is NOT abuse.
Being worried that your sex life dried up as soon as you moved in together is NOT abuse.

HTH

Run my lovely. He was never bothered about sex but played the sex smitten boyfriend until he had you hooked, now he feels you are trapped he has dropped the act. He will destroy your self esteem, you will find yourself dressing up specially to seduce him yet be rejected. You will buy sex toys to interest him and he will turn his nose up. You will jump through every hoop to try to get that early version of him back, but your time will be wasted because that early version does not exist - it was just an act - he wants a girlfriend to 'do' for him. At this stage of your relationship in your twenties you should be at it like rabbits. Please leave and find yourself a man who can match your libido, otherwise a life of low self esteem, loneliness and misery awaits with your boyfriend.

honestly i have been here. leave now before you start having kids because it WILL get worse.
20's and 30's are the best years of your life, don't waste them on a guy who never wants sex

NEXT!

I'll go against the grain and say it might get better.
DH and I went through a very bad patch in the bedroom (I sound like Alan Partridge) in our 20s. We would go a couple of months at a time without having sex. DH also had some ED, which astounds me now as it sounds like I'm describing a totally different man.
I'm not sure what changed - but we're now 38 and 40 and it's been great for many years.
But, OP, certainly don't get married or have a baby until you see major improvements.

All the best op

Yep

This!!

Maybe he is just going through a little battle at the moment and with the right help he’ll be back to normal. You said things were fine before? So they could be fine again with the right support.

Do you know what’s causing his MH to suffer?

But of course your MH is also super important. If it’s really affecting you then you should leave if that will benefit you. However don’t take drastic steps, like breaking up, unless it’s necessary, for example, he isn’t going to go back to how he used to be and that your self esteem is really suffering.

I’ve gone off sex before, however it went from 4 times a week to once a week, so it was still fairly regular but sometimes it was more of a chore. I’m glad my husband stuck by me though because my reasons for the lack of sex were due to having had several different treatments for abnormal cervix cells. I would be so distraught if he left me at such a low time for me because my MH was affected. Granted your partner hasn’t had such treatment, but what I’m trying to say is that something has affected his MH, and hopefully it’s just a temporary thing, like it was with me, so maybe worth sticking around? Only you can answer that though.

Best of luck, I hope things will get better for you.

Are you doing your fair share of the housework and the chores?

Porn? Easier to do it himself and doesnt need to engage?