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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To hand in notice after 8 weeks?

27 replies

MiniMumMax · 04/11/2022 07:31

Secondary school teacher. V experienced in private. Always had great feedback from parents and students. Always loved teaching.
Decided to move to mainstream. Had worked in mainstream before but not for a while.
I feel like I’m failing everyone, like I can’t get the students to pay enough attention that their marks are rubbish. And they’ve brought me in as an experienced teacher who is supposed to be really good. I feel really guilty all the time that I’m not good enough.
It’s giving me such bad anxiety that I can’t sleep/eat properly and the planning/admin is using all my free time.
Staff are lovely but I’ve not cried on anyone and told them this as I feel like they employed someone capable and they’ve been shortchanged.
The AIBU is - should I just leave? Yes - YANBU - try something else
no - YABU - you should stick with it and see if it gets better.
And if I leave. What do I do?

OP posts:
EVHead · 04/11/2022 07:33

Can you go back to private?

RoyKent · 04/11/2022 07:35

Could you afford to leave?

Babadookie · 04/11/2022 07:38

It sounds tough but I would say you need to stick it out a bit longer, surely it takes more than 8 weeks to establish a rapport and find your feet with new students? You don't sound unhappy with the school, just uncertain of your own performance. I imagine also that private Vs public schools are very different environments, so you may.be just adjusting to this change.

Do you think you could be suffering from imposter syndrome?

Cleopatra67 · 04/11/2022 07:41

I’m a secondary school teacher with 27 years experience. I’m good at my job, great relationships with students, great results etc. Big academic independent day school. Not a cat’s chance in hell I’d go back to state schools where I started my career. They’ve lost all flexibility and independence since the mid 1990s

MiniMumMax · 04/11/2022 07:42

I think I’m definitely suffering from imposter syndrome. But what do I do about it?
If I go back to private I would feel like such a failure as I really wanted to make a difference - I think I’d just have to do something else. It makes me quite sad as I thought I was a really good teacher, but in this environment I really don’t think I am at all.
I would need to find another job if I hand my notice in.

OP posts:
popcorncandy · 04/11/2022 07:44

Mainstream secondary schools are not easy, and I think the older you go up, the worse the kids behave to the point where they are like a pack of wild animals. To be honest I don't know if the kids will change so maybe it is the best decision for you to just hand in your notice and leave. Ultimately your mental health comes above everything and I'm sure you can get back into private.

sm40 · 04/11/2022 07:53

Parent here. Are the grades rubbish or just not what you are used to at private school? Surely you need to wait a bit longer to see if you've made a difference. At a state school it might not just he whether they get a 9.

ouch321 · 04/11/2022 07:57

You're still settling.

Can you ask colleagues for advice on how they handle particularly trying classes? They'll have experience teaching them from previous AY so will know what works best.

MiniMumMax · 04/11/2022 07:58

It’s not so much the grade, but more that I can’t capture their attention so that they recall enough/understand enough to get all the marks I would want them to. That’s why I feel like I’m failing them.
But thank you.

OP posts:
barbrahunter · 04/11/2022 07:59

I was a teacher for many years and a similar thing once happened to me: I started a new job and the school was just not the right fit for me. I felt like a fool because it was a promotion and things were expected of me, but it was not the school for me.

I knew it was 'wrong' more or less from day one, and it was such a relief to get out. The next teaching job I had was great and I stayed for over 10 years.

My advice is to go to a school where you know you're a good 'fit' - it will benefit both you and the pupils.

FirstnameSuesecondnamePerb · 04/11/2022 08:00

2 things;
You are not a failure if you move back to private. Why would you be?
You don't have to cure the worlds ills and its not your job to save anyone.

AnnieDav · 04/11/2022 08:05

From this thread you would think state secondary school was code for young offenders institute 😂 (I work in a state secondary school, for the record.)

OP, if you want to stay in the state sector, would moving to a school in a different area possibly make things easier? Are you at a particularly challenging school?

MiniMumMax · 04/11/2022 08:14

I think it’s a great school. I don’t think the kids are like pack animals. There are loads of lovely kids. The staff are lovely too.
I just think I’m not doing them any justice because I’m not able to teach in the way I used to as I can’t get them to focus in the same way.

OP posts:
Unicorn1919 · 04/11/2022 08:23

I voted YABU because I don't think you have given yourself enough time to adjust. It is a very different environment and so perhaps you need to think about how you can adjust to teaching style to get a bit more engagement in this situation. I have taught in the state sector and know its not easy but be kind to yourself and accept that some pupils will never engage regardless of how good you are. Also, being new, it will take the pupils time to appreciate you. They may warm to you over time so please don't give up yet and don't be so hard on yourself.

LunaLoveFood · 04/11/2022 08:24

Unfortunately you've missed the deadline to leave at Christmas, so if you do hand your notice in you'll be there a while anyway so you should seek support to manage until you can leave.

MiniMumMax · 04/11/2022 08:26

Thanks Unicorn.
I do have some better days. I just want them all to do well and feel like I’m not doing a good enough job. Where I used to be really good at my job! So it’s sending me into a spiral.

OP posts:
Swonderful · 04/11/2022 08:28

Please don't let the fear of failure hold you back. Failure is a nature part of life and it so important to do the right thing for you.

Funkyblues101 · 04/11/2022 08:30

I'm not a teacher but I always understood that once private it was virtually impossible to return to state teaching. Different skills are required according to teacher friends.

Krakinou · 04/11/2022 08:36

Can you find out who the best teachers are at engaging students there and ask to observe a class? Ask a manager or one of those colleagues to observe one of your classes and give feedback.

Unsure33 · 04/11/2022 08:39

Can you be honest with your head or colleagues and ask for help , then at least you will have given it a good shot.

Testina · 04/11/2022 08:47

“If I go back to private I would feel like such a failure as I really wanted to make a difference - I think I’d just have to do something else.”

That’s just ridiculous.
Most likely you need time to settle and time to develop additional teaching skills you didn’t have to use in a private school environment - and most likely you are more than capable of that personal development.
Or maybe small chance you’re actually not - in which case, you can go back to a teaching environment the matches the skills you do have.

But to say you’d have to change career is just silly.

LifeIsJustOneBigWTAF · 04/11/2022 08:47

You're in a different environment, so actually it seems reasonable that you may have to teach in a different way to your usual style. And perhaps think about how you measure success - are grades improving, for example? If so, you're doing a great job!
Having said all that, if the stress continues to be too much - no matter the reason - then of course you should leave. You won't have 'failed', it just wasn't the right move for you. No job is worth risking your mental health.

IamnotSethRogan · 04/11/2022 08:54

Well it sounds like you genuinely care about what you're doing which is why you're being so hard on yourself. While I think that if you're damaging your mental health you should leave, it also sounds like it's coming from a heartfelt place to make a positive impact, meaning that you are probably exactly the sort of teacher this school needs.

Unicorn1919 · 04/11/2022 11:31

One thing that stuck with me is not to blame yourself for the attitude of your pupils. There may be many things going on that you have no control over.

There are various differences to consider:

In the state sector, perhaps more than private, it is important to remember that the child you think is not engaging may be having a bad time at home, may not have had breakfast or perhaps is not getting enough sleep. Many children grow up in far from ideal circumstances that can impact their performance at school so they fail to reach their potential.

At private school parents have invested in education because they deem it important, so passing exams may be the most important thing happening in the child's life. In a state school, some pupils and their parents will perhaps not see the point of education resulting in much lower levels of effort.

Pupils at state school often don't have the self-confidence that is usually evident in private school pupils. This can be a self-fulfilling prophecy leading to failure. It can take time to build self-esteem. Whereas at private school you may want to pitch your lessons to stretch the pupils, if your class is struggling then it becomes more important to start with something easily achievable that will instill pride in pupils and encourage them to keep trying.

The best thing you can do is provide some stability for them, try to nurture an interest in the subject and give encouragement to build their confidence which in turn may increase engagement.

Apologies if I am telling you what you already know and stating the obvious, but when I was starting out I was too inward looking, blaming myself for behaviour issues, etc. A mentor suggested I stopped focusing on what I needed to do and focused more on what the children needed from me. I gained more awareness of the issues that may impact their behaviour and stopped execting too much from them. I appreciate that this can be difficult given the confines of a set curriculum but anything you can do will help.

Eskarina1 · 04/11/2022 11:38

I would say one of the marks of being an experienced hire should be the ability to say "I have a development need in this area". It's much better for them to work with you to get it right than to have to rerecruit.

But as the daughter of a secondary school teacher who's mental health was burned up by the job can I just say, you deserve a job where you feel mentally healthy