To tell SIL we won't go to her wedding?

[NoIHaventChangedMyName]

If they book it in the exotic location they want? It is simply beyond our means and I have already basically said as much. If they proceed and book it in AIBU in that we won't go?

If you can't afford to go, you can't, simple as that. It's their choice to marry where they like, but they can't expect you to bankrupt yourself to join them.

I don't think YABU, especially if you have no family links, and it's just a whim on her part. Why not ask her to help you find a travel package for an amount you can afford? E.g. I might be willing to forgo two years' worth of family holidays for my sil's wedding (If we'd had a holiday as a family yet, but that's my own rant. )

links with the location, I mean.

She is Dp's sister, so yes family links. However we are currently a family of 4 living in a two bed house so a house move will be on the cards about then. FWIW Dp feels the same way.

x posted. No - no reason to get married there other than it is where she likes atm.

Are you anticipating that she will be pissed off? As your SIL, presumably she knows your situation (are you on good terms?) - she may be thinking "shit, will they feel excluded because we're going somewhere they can't come"

YANBU. If other family members are in the same boat, it would be less selfish on their part to get married here, and honeymoon to the 'exotic location.'

Some people lose all sense when they plan their weddings.

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Then I reckon she's got to expect people not to be able to make it. Tell her you can only afford for one of you to go - who does she want?!

YANBU

Are you sure she 'expects' you to come. I think you'll find she'll be fine with it.

True, FioFio.

No YANBU but I would let dh be the one to tell her you won't be attending

I think she thinks because it isn't for a year or two we will be able to save up. We don't manage to save for anything though! Money is too tight. That is what she has said - that she is thinking of going there but not for a year or two so don't worry! Plenty of time to save!

is this a bit of an imaginary battle? She hasn't booked anything yet, and also has not implied she will take offence if you don't attend. 'plenty of time to save' is just a throwaway remark.

Wait until it happens and then get dp to tell her that it is just beyond your means. However, if she wants to pay for you to go, she has a couple of years to save up, hasn't she??

Imaginary a bit i suppose. But she seems to have her heart set and has also said she'd like DD as a bridesmaid.

also I don't want it to be a battle. In an ideal world they will book somewhere more affordable so we can all go and have a lovely time.

If I were getting married overseas and wanted a specific child as bridesmaid, I'd feel that I had to pay for them to attend.

It does seem like a bit of a storm in a teacup - she will probably change her mind several times. Maybe make some casual remarks in her presence about how tight money is - or just be honest with her! There's no need to manufacture a row where none yet exists.

I think you need tos ay to her that much as you would love to go, you very much doubt you will be able to afford it, if its somewhere V exotic.

If she really wants your DD as bridesmaid, its osmething she has to bear in mind

But in the end - it is HER wedding.

Yes, her wedding and her dh-to-be's but maybe they'll end up all allllooooone!

Oh yes completely - her wedding. She should have whatever she wants and wherever she wants it to be. My main concern is having already mentioned we probably couldn't afford it she is still wanting to book there - I don't know whether we should try and make it totally clear - without wanting it to look as though we're having a strop about it - that we really couldn't afford to go there. I don't want her to book it and still be expecting us to go IYSWIM.

You've got bags of time. Just be straight with her .

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