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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Should I go to my friends wedding?

42 replies

toweddingornot · 03/11/2022 15:10

NC as this is embarrassing!

In a nut shell I made a tit of myself at my friends hen now I don't know if I should go to the wedding.

I am friends with the bride since we were about 6. Not best friends but good friends. Got very close for a few years in late teens then drifted but still friends. We just live a good distance from each other. We both had babies this year so have been texting more than we had been in previous years. Hadn't seen each other since just before the 1st lock down.

At her hen I got drunk so went back to the hotel very early. Nothing too bad in that. But I woke up and stupidly decided to go back out. I couldn't find them and ended up in the wrong club. Had a good time for myself with some random people. Then got lost trying to find the hotel and couldn't get a taxi. For some unknown reason I decided to call the brides soon to be SIL to come find me. She did, and knowing what I am like with drink in me I probably told her all my problems. All was fine the next morning but I knew I had messed up. Got a lift part way home with the bride and SIL and nothing was brought up.

I texted the bride about 10 days later to apologise for my behaviour (I was to embarrassed to text before that). I know it doesn't excuse it but I don't really drink anymore and the events of that night show me why it doesn't suit me. I told her I am very sorry if I did anything to cause offense at her hen. She said she appreciated the apology but that she felt bad that SIL had to come and get me. I apologied again then 1 message from her re babies.

I texted yesterday about babies and she had seen it but not replied. I'm guessing she is still pissed off with me, and I do get that, I was 100% in the wrong.

I'm just not sure what to do, do I still go to the wedding? I want to go, but not if it will in any way make the bride uncomfortable to be around me. I might be over thinking things. She may be busy.

YABU - Go to the wedding

YANBU - Do not go to the wedding

OP posts:

Chickychoccyegg · 03/11/2022 19:19

I dont think you did anything wrong and if I were the bride or sil, I'd have laughed about it and told you not to worry.
We've all done stupid shit when drunk, often a lot worse than that, don't apologise further, or send flowers, just forget all about it, and if anyone brings it up at the wedding just laugh it off.
I also wouldn't worry about having a few drinks at the wedding if you want to, some posters are very dramatic.

fruitbrewhaha · 03/11/2022 19:30

I don’t think you did anything that bad.

hellosunshineagainxxx · 03/11/2022 20:10

Spicybananas · 03/11/2022 15:19

If she’s already paid for you to go then you’d probably piss her off even more by not going!

We all make tits of ourselves, it’s part of life. She’s probably just busy or forgot to reply. If she hasn’t specifically said not to go then I’d go.

Agree she is probably so busy with planning wedding and having a baby the last three months before my wedding with my toddler was manic

SpeckofDustUponMySoul · 03/11/2022 20:13

It's really bad form that you didn't apologise 'til 10 days later and have yet to apologise to the SIL.

Hungoverandashamed · 03/11/2022 20:19

OP you know the group, we don't - was it really a big faux pas that you got shitfaced at the hen?

Any I've been at with my group of friends would see far far far worse behaviour.

Then I've been on a couple of very restrained ones too.

I don't drink anymore (see my username) and I can fully relate to the feeling of dread you are experiencing so I think it's good you're not going to drink at the wedding as it clearly causes yo you problems but I think you have caused no serious harm to anyone else.

I'd give a brief sincere apology to SIL and forget about it.

wineandroses1 · 03/11/2022 20:22

Fab and helpful response

SuperCamp · 03/11/2022 22:09

Proper thanks to the SIL, and you’re good to go.

Just do it.

Pugdogmom · 03/11/2022 22:19

I've been on a few mad hen nights in my time and don't think you did anything bad. I've heard a LOT worse. There were probably worse on the stag do.
Go to the wedding, be a great guest and thank the SIL. Then forget about it.

Blueeyedgirl21 · 03/11/2022 22:23

If you were on a stag do you’d be considered some sort of legend of the lads and everyone would be buying you drinks at the wedding

unfortunately women are slightly different and she’s probably pissed off that you didn’t all stick together . I’ve gone home ill (not alcohol, some sort of weird food poisoning bad tummy) on a night out and been told I’d ruined the night. Weird! Probably because someone had to sit with me whilst a taxi came.

anyway, just ring her and say what you’ve said here say you feel a right tit and that you were hoping everything is still ok for the wedding as you made a bit of a fool of yourself, say you’re looking forward to it but you’re going to be driving so no need to worry about silliness! Ask for the SIL’s address and send some letterbox flowers or chocolate, she’ll be chuffed I’m sure

tbh amongst my friends we’d see the funny side but some people HATE drunkenness and that kind of behaviour so it’s fair enough

LankylegsFromOz · 03/11/2022 22:29

That's the tamest hen fuck up I've ever heard about! Why would SIL be annoyed? I would have gotten you no problem (if I was sober enough).

Everyone knows new mum's are lightweights when drinking 🙂

You've apologised, that's that. If they still have a problem, well that's on them!

Poppins2016 · 03/11/2022 22:33

The bride-to-be is likely busy, & making an issue out of one drunken night of daftness is only going to underline the temporary blip. Your aim should be to return to normality asap.

This. 100%.

I'd also use it as learning opportunity/wake up call not to drink so much next time there's a similar occasion!

SucksToBeYouHun · 03/11/2022 22:43

Unless you shagged the groom to be , then I think you're ok!! From what you have said , you haven't done anything bad ???

Apologize if you feel the need to (to SIL) and move on.

Life is too short for unnecessary overthinking

Original poster

toweddingornot · 03/11/2022 23:05

I don't know the SIL that was the first time I had met her. Which is why my friend was annoyed, that I called her SIL who I don't know. Looking at my phone I did try a few of the other girls first. 2 of them had ONS so were busy, that's prob far more interesting from the hen than anything I did.

I think I was way over thinking things earlier and got inside my own head! It has been a long time since I had anything to be worried about after a night out so I'm obsessing. She is busy in the run up to her wedding!

I'm not going to text the SIL, it's been too long and I think it would be dragging up something that doesn't need dragging up. I'll chat to her like nothing has happened at the wedding.

OP posts:

oopsfellover · 03/11/2022 23:10

I think you might be over-thinking it. You got drunk on what I assume was a drunken night and got into a bit of a messy situation. It doesn't sound as if you deeply offended anyone, and you've apologised - what more can you do? I'd say go to the wedding but keep an eye on your drinking there.

Scramblinghealingdreaming · 04/11/2022 05:40

KettrickenSmiled · 03/11/2022 15:22

YABU.

The bride-to-be is likely busy, & making an issue out of one drunken night of daftness is only going to underline the temporary blip. Your aim should be to return to normality asap.

Back off with the texting - I understand you want to give & receive reassurance - but the bride might interpret it as making everything all about you, in the run up to her wedding.

The bride has accepted your apology.
So for now - focus on rocking an excellent outfit to the wedding, bringing a thoughtful present & being a great guest. Do NOT refer to the hen night to bride, unless she references it directly to you.
With the bride's SiL at the wedding - cheery, bright & breezy, ask open ended questions about her & her loved ones/interests. And - when you judge it appropriate but while you are still 100% sober - a quick in-person apology & grateful thanks to her to coming to your rescue. Tell her you are being careful to not make a tit of yourself on bride's special day, & mean it. Don't get more than tipsy, & go out of your way to be a great guest, helpful but not overbearing.

This way, it will all blow over very quickly, & the wedding day will be all about the bride, & sod-all to do with an embarrassing faux pas on her hen.
If you stay away - you would be making HER day all about YOU.
So front it out, own it, & remember that everybody there is far more interested in having a good time & being a wellwisher than they are in one drunken women on one night. Millions of us have made arses of ourselves in similar ways. Don't let it cloud your view of yourself, or your friendships.

Oh my, can you come live with me? Or be my BFF please? You are so damn measured, reasonable and just lovely!

KettrickenSmiled · 04/11/2022 12:31

@Scramblinghealingdreaming aaaaaw!

I can assure you that plenty of PP think I'm an absolute dick, but your comment has made my morning - how very kind, thank you!

33belle27 · 22/01/2023 21:23

I totally get it. I am such a worrier and find that texts can be so misconstrued sometimes. When someone is a bit short with you it can leave you feeling uneasy and maybe reading into it more. Definitely go to the wedding and radiate positivity and you’ll get it back from everyone! Not going will definitely turn this into more than it is. X

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