reception playdates how often

[piuw987]

DC started reception in September and I am just not sure what is the norm when it comes to playdates. We are new to the school and so far we've only had one playdate in the park with one of his little friends. I think we've been to three parties but the all class things are not really the done thing here even in reception. A few of us have gone to the park after school on Fridays.

However, I havent really got to know many of the other parents and since quite a few of the kids are travelling a mile or two to get to school - I am not suite whether the lack of playdates is normal or not. However, quite a few of the kids know each other from nursery and are local but as we are slightly out of area so DC didnt really know when they started.

First time mum here so maybe I am overthinking things. But how often did your little ones have playdates with their school friends in reception. How did you initiate them? Is one playdate since September not enough?

Going to the park on a group after school counts! The parties also count, especially smaller ones. So I think you're doing fine. DS is reception age, looking back on the term we have had on average 2 parties and 2 playdates or group meets every 3 weeks (including non-school friends). We've also had quite a few after school play date plans cancelled from viruses. Part of the difficulty is that they are so tired this term and it's winter so there's early sunset, bad weather and viruses; that makes after school difficult to do even once a week.

It really depends on your child and your time. If you feel you're at a loose end say on Sunday mornings, or Tuesday for an hour after school, then ask who they want over and message a few of those parents to arrange someone each week to get to know people. If your child is too tired and you can't fit it in, then leave it until the holidays and arrange a bunch of play dates in November to fit in with your Christmas break plans.

no, come on… YABU

Education forum is this way…

So DC is in after school care four days a week and so are most of the other kids. This leaves only really Fridays or the weekend. Somehow it just feels a bit weird to invite parents that I really don't know to the park on a Sunday but maybe it's just me. We live two miles away so much harder to just invite someone over after school. I don't want DC to feel left out but I also don't know how best to arrange it.

Following with interest. Would be great to hear some more about what are the norms of arranging playdates.

My reception DD has done nothing yet. She’s at after school club every day. She has a party in a couple of weeks to go to though.

And what are group meets and how do they happen?

My DD is in preschool and has had 1 party this term and I worry she doesn't get invited due to her autism.

Or you could look at it the other way, in that your dc are getting to play with friends after school 4 afternoons a week ?

There is no "normal".
Lots of families don't feel the need to "do things with other children in their class" on a regular basis. This will also be much, much, much higher where they don't have a SAHP, as obviously there are few days when they could do this and also the parents don't get to know the other parents so easily.

When my children were in reception school advised us not to do play dates after school for the first half term because they were exhausted.
after October half term that I arranged a play date once a fortnight inviting a different child and mum for tea at our home, it was very low key. It was a good chance to make friends. We were invited back a similar amount.

I think things are different now post Covid - we didn’t do the same with second son and park meets are more the norm.

Would anyone have any tips on how to organise park meet ups? I feel clueless but also dont want DC to miss out. However, because we live two miles away from the school, it's not so easy for his friends to just pop over.

Very variable, but I wouldn't expect much the first term - many of the kids will be tired out just by full-time school, and so play dates are usually best left until a bit later on - at least those that are more than just spending 20 minutes in the park. (If my DD is anything to go by, avoid the first week or two after any holiday, too - she used to have 4pm meltdowns first week back until about year 4.)

After that, a lot depends on family circumstances. Some families can rarely offer play dates, because the kids are in wrap-around care, or perhaps they watch TV while a parent finishes off working from home. Larger families also find it trickier - they might be tied up most days with getting the various children to swimming lessons/football/rainbows etc. Distance may also be a factor.

In terms of you inviting other children to yours, it's best to suggest that mum comes too on the first play date (which may mean siblings in tow too) - it's quite a step to let a 5 year old go somewhere you haven't seen for yourself.

Just ask an individual parent or send a message on the WhatsApp group if you're open to any parents coming. "Going with X to Y playground this Sunday 10am, if anyone wants to join us that would be great, see you there." Playground is the most accessible, but soft play or another indoor activity can be good with the weather too, as long as it isn't too expensive.

What is it you aren't sure about? Are you worried about people saying no? "They" en masse won't say no, about 1/3 of our reception class would turn up to the opening of an envelope, another 1/3 have turned up to something e.g. new starter picnic, one of the 3 weekend playground trips, Halloween trick or treat group. Most can't make some dates, but will try the next time. A few can't come to anything, but that's not a reflection on you, people have busy lives / lots of kids / personal issues to handle at the time.

seen a few forum police here lately. Never around when you want them though

Play dates were

Play dates were not a thing in my son's school at that age. Just parties - which came in fits and starts obviously, as there were spells with no birthdays. We got to know parents at these parties. As they got older, and parents were comfortable, we started to take a few on days out - usually NT, so low cost. Feedback from parents was very positive, but days out were not reciprocated. We didn't expect it to be though - people are busy, and taking another child out for the day can be stressful for some, particularly if they have multiple kids. Your son is doing after school club, surely that's enough. I do know the girls were going to each others houses, as they got a bit older - probably because they don't climb up the banisters etc🤣

I’ve got 3vand don’t remember doing play dates at all in year R and then only a couple here and there for the rest of primary school. Definitely wasn’t a regular thing.

I used to have a weekly after school play date at mine or someone else's at that age. It was a great way to get to know people. I'd just text and invite them and offer a few dates. Meant I knew people at the school gate and has really helped dd have some lovely friends

I think my DD had about 2 playdates in reception.

In the park - loads, we go every day really unless it’s raining. Parties - loads. At home - only one so far, and that’s because I was doing someone a favour. I’m not a fan of home playdates at the moment, with siblings to factor in etc - it’s just too much for me.

They’re so little, and often so tired at this age. And they see each other for 6(?) hours a day and after school club in your case. Honestly, if your kid is particularly keen on another kid then arrange something (park/home), otherwise you’re fine.

I guess thats quite a spread. My concern a bit is that some of the children already know each other from nursery and live locally. Don't want our kid to miss out

It took a long while for arranged playdates to start when DS was in reception, but going to the park on a Friday with the other kids and their parents is a better way to get to know them anyway in my opinion.

I'd say wait until your DS has settled into consistent friendships, then one playdate every couple of weeks. DS is in teatime club most days, but I allowed him to go to friends houses instead if invited because otherwise it gets difficult to fit them in.

DD is in year 5 now but her afterschool clubs I count as playdates! It does take the weight off me. I don’t really feel the need to arrange anything else on top of that apart from for special events, so will get together with school mums for Trick or Treat, have a kid over for a Halloween party, invite a family with kids over for a Xmas party. Then ofcourse arrange a birthday party. That’s about it

Maybe I am just overthinking this. DC has found it a little bit hard to fit in. He tried to join a existing friendship group and they arent always very nice to him. But wasn't sure how to direct him to making other friends as I dont really know any of them - which I guess is what prompted my original question.

Ah, if you have a specific goal that makes it easier. Next time you're at the park after school, take a covert look at the children who are not part of the group your DS is having issues with. See if there is one who plays well with him, seem like fun, and preferably attends after school club too. Ask what DS thinks about inviting that child for a playdate.

Afterschool club can be an issue when forming friendships in reception - all DS's strongest friendships have been with the kids who attend wraparound care, which essentially is one big playdate. The non-wraparound kids spend hours in the local park and similarly form their friendships there.

This. My DD was exhausted when in reception, she want from a broken sleep every night to a 12 hour kid who would ask for her bed at 6pm!

Don’t overthink it. Your DS has 4 longer days when he gets to play with his friends, plus park time once a week. That’s plenty!

Most of the new kids at our school were a bit like this, shuffled fairly well by half term and now groups seem to be shuffling again. There will be a few who are set on their one specific mate, but most of them will open up if they get enough time with someone else. The advice to pick a few specific kids and set up play dates is good, but just whoever he most wants to play with, I wouldn't avoid the nursery ones.