AIBU to think it’s rude to never reply to messages

[Ilovewinter]

Hi! I’m new here, I’m sure lots of people have had this issue. But lately it’s really bothering me.

AIBU to think it’s so rude when you message someone who CONSTANTLY has their phone & they read the message but never reply & if they do it’s like days/weeks later.

Bit of context but I text my brothers girlfriend to see if I can have my nephew only for a couple of hours every few weeks, usually between 2pm until 5pm, my 5 year old daughter adores him so she is always asking if we can see him & she is very very loving & gentle with him.

I totally understand parenthood is busy but my brothers girlfriend is actually not busy at all & I’ll say to her “If the baby isn’t busy do you fancy a break for a couple of hours & I’ll have him”

thing is she just doesn’t reply full stop. Completely ignores me. She’s let me mind the baby in the past but I’d usually have to go through my brother or she’d let me as a last resort. I can’t understand why as we’re mates too & she knows me inside & out. I treat my nephew like I do my own when he’s in my care.

Id prefer her to just say “No I don’t want you to mind him” instead of completely ignoring me. I find it so so rude when I know she’s always on her phone. It makes me feel a bit sad. Of course he’s her child she gets the say but it would be nice to just get a flimsy reply even if it’s a no.

sorry about harping on. Maybe this is the wrong thread. I’m not sure how to use this. I’m sure it’s really not that deep either. X

The problem is separating autism from selfishness, it's perfectly possible to have both!

She might feel awkward, lots of people have trouble saying no.

To be honest, when my kids were young I didn’t want them being looked after by other people just for the sake of it. They were happiest with us or when we were there as well. I’d just stop asking, see your nephew when you see your brother.

She doesn’t want you to have the kids - just take the hint. Or if you’re so close, ask her in person next time?

Stop messaging her. Simple

Haven't read the whole thread, but when I was on maternity leave - I had no reason to be apart from my baby and I didn't want to be.

What about asking her to spend time with you all as well? Rather than just minding the baby?

Invite her round for a cuppa, suggest soft play, the park?

Now I'm working, used to be away from the now toddler as they are at nursery, I'm happy to leave the baby and have time to myself, but when I was on maternity leave - no thank you.

Could you ring your brother or his girlfriend to ask instead?

I think the truth here is she doesn’t want you to look after her child and instead of telling you that, she is ignoring you. I understand the frustration.

It could be that she has anxiety about him being looked after by anyone else. It is a shame that your brother doesn’t have a say on it.

I think it's very rude especially on WhatsApp when you can see that your message has been read...worse still is seeing friends 'online' when they've read your message some time ago....fair enough if they've been not been on, but when their last seen shows otherwise I think it's rude and quite hurtful.

I think if you know she doesn't respond about you taking the baby, yet you still ask, then actually it's tipping into you become as rude as her.

Maybe she just thinks "I have to manage all this sort of thing (access to baby) for my side of the family, I'm not taking on DHs side too"

Just to be clear to the comments that imply I’m basically hounding her. I’m 100% not & never would hound her. That’s just bizarre. At the end of the day as I’ve stated in previous posts, she is my nephews mum, ultimately she should & does get the final say on her own baby.

Not sure how me being blatantly ignored has been spun into me being the rude one.

if ever I got the genuine impression that she didn’t want me to have the baby I truly would never ask. But after weeks of ignoring me she will text & say “you can have him”.. The only thing I find weird is that she just ignores me.

I don’t hound her, never would, never wanted to & never needed too. It’s the fact I’m being ignored so obviously. That’s all my issue was & I have went through my brother which I did say in another previous post & his answer is “Ask her” & other things.

We are close, her friends are my friends, she’s my friend but I don’t want to put her on the spot & ask “Why are you ignoring me?” Because I don’t want her to feel bad. All I was wondering is, if AIBU to think it is quite rude to ignore someone so blatantly.

thanks for all the other constructive replies though :)

I think she is just a rude person @ilove

Unfortunately as much as I love her & she’s a good mum, I do believe it’s rude too 😥

I think she is just a rude person @Ilovewinter I would take a step back from her. Don't be nasty but if it is bothering you I would just go through your brother in future x Perhaps she is going through something but aren't we all. I've been through my fair share in the past but have always endeavoured to get back to people.

@WednesdaysChild11 Ive definitely taken a step back, a lot of us have as this has been an issue with a lot of us around her. We’ve made sure it’s not PND, but then again she could easily hide that if it was, but I don’t think it’s that. I do think she just ignores people. Hopefully things change in the future. Thanks for replying. X

I don't think it's any more rude to ignore messages than it is to keep messaging someone who doesn't choose to reply.

What do you think @Ilovewinter ?

Just to be pedantic what you're describing isn't rudeness. Rudeness is usually lack of something, lack of response, lack of manners, not holding the door open etc...

No worries @Ilovewinter don't let people like that get you down. Enjoy your relationship with your nephew and your brother if you're close and people that genuinely care about you x

I feel this too. I recently just gave up on someone who I used to be good friends with because she just so rarely responded to messages. The last message thread she amazingly initiated and I told her that I was leaving my much wanted job due to stress and bullying. Radio silence. That was about 4 months ago. I got the message. We had fun back in the day but now I can’t be arsed and have more fun with friends who I chat to on a daily basis and do Wordle challenges with 😆

@FinallyHere i don’t keep messaging her. Like I said I don’t hound her. I said every 6/8 weeks IF THAT is when I message her & that’s not always consistently as I’m sure she can be busy at times. My god talk about twist my words. If you have read my previous posts you’d know that.

Absolutely agree @WednesdaysChild11 I should have put 'rudeness' in inverted commas to highlight that i was quoting and responding to OP's use of the term.