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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Snoring

46 replies

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 02/11/2022 20:21

Am I being completely wet or does anyone else suffer like this?

DH has always snored a bit. We used to joke that I'd say "turn over" and he'd do it in his sleep, and that would stop him.

As we've got older, it's got worse. We are now mid 40s, 3 DC young primary age. I work FT in a senior mgt role and earn c 75% household income. He SAH 2 days and works 3 d in a very worthwhile but lower pressure job for a charity.

For about 8 mos now, the snoring has got so bad it wakes me up multiple times a night and I can't always get back to sleep. I had to function at work in senior strategy meetings on 3h sleep when everyone else was fit and rested.

After raising multiple times, I finally lost it in early Oct and told him he had to find a medical solution or I was going to rent somewhere else to sleep. He finally went to the GP who gave him a steroid spray that seemed to work. It was amazing and I had 3ish weeks of some sleep, if not always great.

Now we both have a bad cold and it's started again in spite of the meds, as he's so blocked up. I've ended up sleeping on a camping mattress in the living room as so desperate for rest.

I don't even know what I'm asking.... just can't believe I'm a 43yo woman with a good job and I am camping in my own living room.

I dream of having my own bedroom. Anyone else had a similar experience? So so tired.....

OP posts:
PurpleButterflyWings · 03/11/2022 00:15

ParsnipsAndPies · 02/11/2022 22:40

I moved out of our bedroom 11 years ago and it saved our marriage. My husband snores like a bull seal, thrashes about like a fish on a hook and goes to the bathroom twice a night. Move to a house where you can have your own room! My biggest issue now is when we go on holiday. I try to book self catering with 2 bedrooms, but when that's not possible I have earplugs and use soft headphones over the top, playing white noise. He's never done a single thing to address the issue.

This. I think a married couple sleeping together in the same bed goes back to the days when it was just really cold, nobody had central heating, and they slept together for warmth. I think it's completely untenable - long term - for two grown adults to sleep in a four foot wide, 6 foot long space. You cannot actually get a decent sleep with a noisy, snoring buffalo next to you, shoving and pushing and elbowing you, and coughing in your face, and jolting their legs about. It's fucking ridiculous.

I think more people sleep in separate rooms than a lot of people think. The second that we got a spare bedroom, I was in it. When me and DH started living together it was OK for 5 or 6 years, then he started to snore badly... Really badly. I did sleep on the sofa probably 40 or 50% of the time for about 3 years, until we got a house with an extra bedroom. It was moderately comfortable on the sofa, and I got a much better sleep that when I was sleeping with him, but having my own bedroom is LUSH.

It wasn't just the snoring like you say above ^. It was thrashing about like a seal, and poking and shoving, and I'd just be dropping off to sleep and he would 'cough cough cough' - 6 inches from the back of my head. On top of that he got up 3 or 4 times a night for the loo, and also, he did 6-2 shifts every other week and the alarm at 4.45am woke me, and I struggled to get back to sleep! I got so much broken sleep I was actually delirious from it and actually started to get depressed because of it . I HAD to get my own room. I have NO IDEA how people sleep together long term.

Just like the OP above, we book separate rooms when we go on holiday. We did it on a holiday three or four years ago, just paid about an extra 100 pound or something. Got separate rooms for the four nights and five days we were there. At least seven or eight of the women said to me, 'bloody hell, I wish I'd known you could do that.'

We had several trips, two or three years before that, that were marred by DH's snoring.. Three day trips and a couple of one week long trips. I ended up sleeping on the bathroom floor. I couldn't take it anymore. after a week long trip to Spain where I had slept on the fucking balcony!

He seemed to take as a slight on his manhood, like 'why's my wife moving out of our marital bed?' But I said 'if I don't, I'm divorcing you - cos I cannot spend the next 50 years not getting any sleep.'

Sleep deprivation is a form of torture and it can cause serious health issues, physical and mental health issues. I said 'I don't give a fuck anymore. I want my own bed and my own bedroom. It's not up for discussion. If you disagree, I'm divorcing you.'

Honestly, if it's possible, just get separate rooms. It's the best thing in the world to have peace and quiet, and my own room and space, and go to bed at 10 o'clock at night and just sit there and read or watch something on Netflix and get my 'me time.' I just cannot sleep with my husband anymore. I think it needs to be a lot more normalised sleeping separately. Because it's horrific. When you can't get any sleep.

And like some others on this thread, we have a brilliant marriage, and having separate bedrooms did us the world of good. Grin DH was miffed at first like I said, but after about 3 or 4 months, he came round to the idea and now loves having HIS own bedroom too.

EL8888 · 03/11/2022 00:22

He should be the one on the camp bed not you! He also should lose weight, this helped with my fiancé’s snoring

rickandmorts · 03/11/2022 00:25

The nasal strips really help, I have sinus problems and snore really badly without them.

KangarooKenny · 03/11/2022 08:33

Separate bedrooms is the answer.

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 03/11/2022 14:16

Hi everyone, thanks so much for all this.

Yes, I desperately want my own bedroom but right now, we are 5 people in a 3bed house (me + DH, boy/girl twins, DD1). We need to move (sob at our house just losing 10% of its value.....) or extend. Soon. But either would likely only get us 1 more bedroom and neither is easy financially.

I am toying with saying to DH we need to find a way to move or extend within 12 mos and we need an extra bedroom for the kids BUT also a home office (we don't have one) where I can set up a single bed in the corner.

@mondaytosunday I'd have thought it was pretty obvious what our jobs have to do with this - DH is a SAHD half the week to school-aged kids. Ergo he drops them off at school and goes home to an empty house for 6 hours. So he can go back to bed, sit with a coffee and veg etc. I can't as I'm in meetings from 8.30 latest every morning, where I actually have to concentrate. It's nothing like the same.

OP posts:
JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 03/11/2022 14:17

@EL8888 he's actually not really overweight. I mean, bit of a tummy but well within normal BMI.

Me on the other hand.........

OP posts:
DotDotaDash · 03/11/2022 14:23

Try not to hate him for this.

Could you arrange things so you have a separate room each, even by moving house as a long term plan? It’s a game changer when everyone is well rested.

Beware at some point you may become a snorer and it is a hard thing to fix. Worthwhile taking medical advice.

PossiblyOverstepping · 03/11/2022 14:36

You are far from alone, sharing with DP is like having a new born, between toilet trips, snoring and early waking I’m up every 3 hours. Separate rooms only answer…

Flev · 03/11/2022 15:16

Beconase nasal spray has made some difference to my husband's snoring, along with using nasal rinses (not sure of the brand but he gets them from Boots).

However, after about a year on a waiting list he's finally had a hospital appointment and come home with a different nasal rinse and stronger spray to use twice a day for the next 3 months and it's made an astonishing difference in 3 days. He's now heavy breathing/light snoring as opposed to mimicking an aeroplane taking off.

Huge sympathies for you all, but do get your partners to try and do something about it. I've never resented my husband snoring because I knew he was desperately trying to fix it!

addler · 03/11/2022 15:24

Does he seem to have any signs of sleep apnoea?

DP's snoring was horrific. He now has a CPAP machine and it's changed his life. And mine, because we can sleep in the same bed again.

But it's fixed his memory problems, his extreme need for naps and hours and hours of sleep, he's able to be an active parent including in the night. He's a different person. During his sleep study at home it picked up that he wasn't breathing for an average of 15 minutes every hour. His brain wasn't getting anywhere near enough oxygen.

I don't know why anyone would refuse treatment if they knew they had it.

Twiglets1 · 03/11/2022 15:25

My husband snores badly too and we take it in turns to sleep in the spare room which is only fair. I think some people think we’re on the edge of divorce when we admit to sleeping separately so I tend not to tell people very often. In fact it has more likely saved our marriage.

AriettyHomily · 03/11/2022 15:29

We sleep in separate rooms and I bloody love it. I snore, he snores, he flings his arms out randomly and touches my pillows which I can't tolerate, I'm peri and hot and want the windows open, he doesn't.

Separate rooms and decent sleep is life changing. If we didn't have a spare room I'd happily seep on the sofa.

AmandaHoldensLips · 03/11/2022 15:33

Separate bedrooms is the only solution. DH and I shared a room for 15 years until I just couldn't stand it any longer. The lack of sleep over those years was like torture.

amylou8 · 03/11/2022 15:36

My partner is a terrible snorer. Fortunately we don't live together so I only have to tolerate it 2 nights a week. Bose sleepbuds have really helped me. They're about £200 so not cheap, but I wack the volume up right up with white noise, and they cut out about 80% of his snorting. Failing that the sofa is fairly comfy.

CMOTDibbler · 03/11/2022 15:47

My DH snored terribly. Then I lost it when ds was a baby and I couldn't get back to sleep after getting up to him because of the snoring. Turns out he had very severe OSA, and has been on CPAP for 16 years now - and his current CPAP is silent.

Resmed offer at home diagnosis of sleep problems which would be quick to do

bonzaitree · 03/11/2022 15:50

Could you get a sofa bed for the living room OP? Defo cheaper than a house move!!

blebbleb · 03/11/2022 16:21

I understand people suggesting separate rooms but no way could we afford to move right now for the sake of an extra bedroom! Easy to say if you have a large enough house. As the previous poster said, a sofa bed or spare bed in the lounge makes much more sense.

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 03/11/2022 19:27

Just checking in as dome folk asked whar hus nasal spray was.

It is Mometasone Furoate in a 50 microgram dose, according to the packet!

It really worked at first but heavy cold seems to have defeated it. Will try moving back into our bed when he's recovered but he's still stuffed up so it's living room floor again tonight.

OP posts:
JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 03/11/2022 19:39

Holy typos, Barman🙄

OP posts:
JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 03/11/2022 19:40

Ffs

OP posts:
KevinDeBrioche · 12/07/2024 15:48

You really are a PITA. Zombie thread folks

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