AIBU to Take Him to Playgroup when Slightly Poorly?

[QS90]

I have a two year old who has a sniffly nose, and a chesty cough (for some reason the cough is only at night). It's unlikely to be Covid as we had it a couple of months ago, and me and my DP aren't ill. He's not ill in himself - that is, still has plenty of energy. He's been like this about a week, not needed Calpol or had a temperature in that time. Still, is this too ill to risk infecting other toddlers? He's my first, so not sure what the social etiquette is, as he's snotty so much more this winter, being old enough to amble about touching gross things all the time 😕

Thanks.

If people take their kids to playgroups or send them to nursery, they know they are going to catch germs from the other kids. If you don't want your child to ever be exposed to germs, maybe you should "be arsed" to keep them at home with you in a bubble 24/7.

Honestly, I'd just send him in. If I kept my toddler home every time he had sniffles or a cough, he'd be at home most of the time. I disagree that this is "inconsiderate" as a PP suggested, it's just life. If my child has a high fever (above 38), diarrhoea, vomiting, or chicken pox, then I will keep him home. Otherwise, he goes to nursery, because he has a cough and / or sniffles pretty much all the time.

"Stay home because strangers can't practise basic hygiene" is quite a take.

Agreed! So selfish.

My toddler has had a cough and runny nose for like the last 6 months! She would never leave the house if she wasn’t allowed in public because of a mild cold.
It only takes the tiniest thing for them to have a runny nose since they can’t actually blow properly.

You can get covid again in less that 2 months.

I'd test before anyone with symptoms went into an indoors group.

I'd have taken mine at the same age, without much thought. If you wait for a toddler to NOT have a snotty nose... You might be waiting a long time!

Wouldn't occur to me to stay home for a snotty nose and a cough in a DC who's well in themselves. Temperature, diarrhoea, vomiting, generally feeling miserable, chickenpox etc then of course you don't go. Especially once you have multiple small children, someone's always snotty.

we all know the difference between a cold and a virus.

No we don't. A cold is a virus. Calling something a virus doesn't convey seriousness, it's just a type of infection.

Um... a cold is a virus. What do you think it is?

We started home today with a cold. It's been a tough week with baby so snotty. I wouldn't wish that on anyone else more regularly than can be avoided, and hope others would do the same.

Wouldn’t bother me at all to be honest. Kids that age get colds every other month, sometimes more, usually mild obviously and that pretty normal. I don’t think kids should miss out for that kind of thing. They’re supposed to catch a lot of colds, that’s how they build immunity to them - to try and avoid this seems pretty silly and futile - otherwise as adults we’d still be full of cold every other month or so too.

we all know the difference between a cold and a virus. Please don’t put other kids at risk if you don’t have to

Do we? I have no idea what the difference is…

If they are poorly for any reason keep them home. Unfair to spread to other kids and nursery staff. Not fair on kid unwell who will just want primary carer.

Tell that to all the employers

Wow so many messages! Thank-you everyone for your input. I hadn't realised what a controversial topic this was! Some very interesting and insightful points on both sides of the argument.

I agree with most posters insomuch that I would never take a child out who was running with snot, distressed, had a temperature, needed Calpol, had a rash or had chickenpox. The contentious bit seems to be around the "cut off" point when a sniffle becomes too bad (or whether a child with a sniffle can ever be okay to go out).

@AnneLovesGilbert What a great idea to have a zero tolerance policy at your playgroup! It sounds like it really fills a niche, and gives parents / carers choice. @GrapesAreMyJam So sorry you had such an awful time 😟Perhaps there's a similar "zero illness" group near where you are?

@pastabakeonaplate I belive pregnancy does make you more susceptible to Covid, in the third trimester at least (I am 32 weeks), due to the overall lowered immunity. That's the message I've been getting from the midwives at least - I've taken it at face value tbh and not researched it independently.

Well, playgroup was at 9:30am, at which time the voting pol was 45% "don't go to playgroup" and 55% "it's fine to go to playgroup" (although interestingly I can see it has reversed now). I spoke to my mum, who is a very cautious person, and who worked in early years for many years (she is now retired) to get the deciding vote. She gave it the go-ahead, so we did end up attending. The toddler enjoyed it, and there were two other toddlers there more sniffly than him - no-one seemed to bat an eyelid at any of them. Tbf, none of them were "ill" ill iykwim, although I do appreciate the notes people have raised about the risks to immunosuppressed people. It's a difficult one.

Very selfish not to test him for COVID.

You say you'd test if you were visiting elderly relatives. Some of the toddlers there will be visiting their elderly relatives before they'd show symptoms if they caught it from your child. I say this as someone with a very vulnerable grandparent.

A cold in this age group may very well be RSV. RSV is particularly serious in infants and can and does lead to ICU admissions. At this time of year PICU is full of it.
Therefore no I wouldn't take my child who has cold symptoms and a chesty cough to a playgroup which is very likely to be full of babies and small children.

You wouldn't want your newborn baby exposed to it so why expose someone else's, it is an awful virus!

I'm pretty sure mine have had runny noses since September and probably nearly continuously until about march 😳

I thought if the snot was green it meant they're fighting something so best to keep them at home but otherwise you're good to go!

And I don't think a zero tolerance playgroup would work as a lot of bugs make you contagious before you show symptoms. But wonderful if it did.

Lots of toddlers will be permanently snotty between now and March. You’d never leave the house if you didn’t take them out. Any sign of a fever or distress they should be at home though and there is a difference between a bit snotty and it streaming down their face. Coughs are tricky as they linger. One of mine had a morning cough all winter every winter until she was about 5. I had covid 2 months ago and still haven’t shifted my cough.

Unfortunately you just can’t protect baby siblings from exposure to germs from the older ones and that will be the risk someone takes if they bring a newborn along with them to a playgroup setting. My second picked up so many more things at a younger age than the eldest. It was horrid and gave us some hairy moments but the older one had to go to nursery etc so just had to suck it up.

No I didn't send them in if they were snotty, at that age - better to stay at home and not spread it. Now since Covid we test if symptomatic and keep them home if positive.

I can't understand this at all. It was a social activity just for fun and not essential childcare. So selfish.

Honestly, this “you’d never leave the house!” stuff is so frustrating. Nobody is saying you have to be under house arrest, but don’t take a snotty coughing toddler who likes to touch everything to a place where there are loads of other toddlers touching everything.

Immuno-compromised people actually struggle to leave the house because people can’t just take a sick toddler out somewhere where they won’t come into contact with other people, like a park or feeding ducks or whatever.

I don’t miss working in the office - I’d pick up so many bugs because every bloody bus journey there’d be a snotty toddler touching the seats and poles and coughing all over everything, with the parent just ignoring it. We’re so bad at practising hygiene in this country.

So yeah YABU OP but you’ve done it now so.

Glad you went. He has had a cold for a week.. may well be snotty for weeks.