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Original poster

I gossiped and I feel terrible

43 replies

AnonyMouseToday · 01/11/2022 22:07

I know I'm unreasonable. I live by the motto 'if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all'. But recently I gossiped about someone (let's call her X) (nothing hugely bad, I just said x is "competitive but they r nice" and that their son is the teachers "favourite" which I ranted wasn't fair on the other kids. The person I was talking to said a few negative things about X and her son, and I went along with it and didn't stick up for x (or the son). If I'm really honest, I dont really feel much connection to X, and we wouldn't really be friends outside the times we have to see each other for our kids mutual interest, but she's always been nice to me. Her son is lovely and me being mean behind their back wasn't called for. I now feel terrible and I think X is blanking me and their friends are blanking me. I've got myself in a flat spin that they will all hate me forever and that they are now all gossiping about me and think I'm horrible. I see x and her friends several times a week and I feel so paranoid that they now hate me that I can't even look at them and am so anxious every time I see them.

I know it was very very wrong to gossip. I should NOT have done it, and i feel terrible which is deserved. I deserve all the guilt I feel. But I have to see x several times a week for the next few years and I don't know how to handle what I've done!

My husband said x probably doesn't know and didn't hear and that I'm being paranoid. But what if she did hear or someone else did and told her and she now hates me? I really like one of X's friends and their son, who is friends with my son, and I think she must hate me now too :(

Help! I'm driving myself crazy with how horrible I feel and I wish I had never ever said anything. I never normally ever gossip. I hate myself and am so anxious now when I see x or her friends that today I avoided them by hiding in the toilet like a 12 year old. (I'm a grown middle aged woman for heaven's sake)

Prepared to be told I'm horrible and deserve everything I get :( I am and I do :(

If someone gossiped about you, would you hate them? Would u forgive them? What should I do?

OP posts:
Msgrieves · 02/11/2022 00:52

Troll God boring

DarlingDarwin · 02/11/2022 00:59

This sounds like anxiety/OCD OP - are you okay?

pewtypie · 02/11/2022 05:23

ialwayswantedyoutogo · 02/11/2022 00:32

you’re only feeling bad about it because you think it’s affected your life negatively 🙄

This was my thought too.

All the overly self-effacing language like ‘they all hate me’ and ‘they all think I’m horrible’ is because they are blanking OP. You reap what you sow.

olympicsrock · 02/11/2022 05:34

Please chill and say nothing unless she does.
if she does ( well your comment was very minor so why should she???) just say - Yes I was having a bad day - I’m sorry I shouldn’t have said that.

Kissingfrogs25 · 02/11/2022 07:18

People are trying to reassure you on here, but I think you have behaved pretty badly actually, there is no excuse for being unkind about other mothers at school. Especially in public and in the playground.
You are an adult of course you have full control over what comes out of your mouth.
I suspect the only reason you are so bothered now is because you are clearly being blanked by a number of people, including the woman you were speaking about and it has been uncomfortable for you. No one likes a gossip op.

Do the right thing and send an apology, I doubt it will make much difference to how the others now view you sadly - but it will at least show you are prepared to do the right thing.

I feel sorry for the mother/friend you were talking about, there is literally nothing worse as a full grown adult to have to endure such silly playground gossip when you are simply dropping off your child. I would be less than impressed in her position.

FeralWitch · 02/11/2022 07:19

Everybody gossips. It’s what human beings do, and why social media exploded the way it did.

Relax. You’re not perfect, but you are human.

Kissingfrogs25 · 02/11/2022 07:26

FeralWitch · 02/11/2022 07:19

Everybody gossips. It’s what human beings do, and why social media exploded the way it did.

Relax. You’re not perfect, but you are human.

Lots of don't gossip actually! There are many thousands of women that do not do this, and wouldn't, even if they had the time!

BMW6 · 02/11/2022 07:38

I don't actually think that what you said was gossip. I always thought gossip is passing on private information about someone, not critical opinions which you are perfectly entitled to have and say.

"My next door neighbour is having an affair" = Gossip

" My next door neighbour doesn't cut her grass often enough" = Critical opinion

What you said was a Critical opinion and you have nothing to feel guilty about. IMHO.

EmergencyPoncho · 02/11/2022 07:50

So you don't actually know they're blanking you? You are so riddled with horror that you're avoiding them? I wouldn't worry, you weren't really gossiping.

UmbilicusProfundus · 02/11/2022 07:58

Mountain out of a molehill…

CoastalWave · 02/11/2022 08:03

Might not even be this.

I have a whole host of school mums starting to blank me over the course of a few months.

Turned out one of the other school mums was spreading nasty untrue rumours that I had been nasty about people (I hadn't at all)

I never got it sorted - everyone just believed that woman.

The way I looked at it, I didn't want to be friends with those women either. Who would just believe someone without finding out their own version of events?!

4 years on, that women is starting to be seen for her true colours and people are finally talking to me. I've lost interest.

Let's be honest, the school run is brutal! Just drop and run!

Calandor · 02/11/2022 12:59

Meh. Everyone's done it don't torture yourself. Stand by your words if you meant it.

Original poster
AnonyMouseToday · 02/11/2022 17:43

DarlingDarwin · 02/11/2022 00:59

This sounds like anxiety/OCD OP - are you okay?

Thanks. I'm sorry k but last night was worrying about this waaaaaay too much and driving my husband crazy with all the scenarios about how horrible I am. I'm feeling better today but dreading seeing this woman. I am quite anxious but this is another level and if I could hide from her forever I would, but I don't think I can. I do have a few OCD traits I think (I read and re read emails multiple times. Have other habits I won't reveal. Normally.i muddle along just fine. Hopefully I'll return to normal soon)

OP posts:
Original poster
AnonyMouseToday · 02/11/2022 17:44

pewtypie · 02/11/2022 05:23

This was my thought too.

All the overly self-effacing language like ‘they all hate me’ and ‘they all think I’m horrible’ is because they are blanking OP. You reap what you sow.

Show quote history

You are right. But I don't know what to do about it. I never ever gossip and feel shitty I have now.

OP posts:
Original poster
AnonyMouseToday · 02/11/2022 17:50

Kissingfrogs25 · 02/11/2022 07:18

People are trying to reassure you on here, but I think you have behaved pretty badly actually, there is no excuse for being unkind about other mothers at school. Especially in public and in the playground.
You are an adult of course you have full control over what comes out of your mouth.
I suspect the only reason you are so bothered now is because you are clearly being blanked by a number of people, including the woman you were speaking about and it has been uncomfortable for you. No one likes a gossip op.

Do the right thing and send an apology, I doubt it will make much difference to how the others now view you sadly - but it will at least show you are prepared to do the right thing.

I feel sorry for the mother/friend you were talking about, there is literally nothing worse as a full grown adult to have to endure such silly playground gossip when you are simply dropping off your child. I would be less than impressed in her position.

I totally deserve that. I made a massive mistake and wish I hadn't done what I've done. I get they might all hate me now. I never ever normally gossip. Have you ever gossiped? I do feel shit about it.

It's not a school setting. But yes, I should not have gossiped about this mum. I don't know if she knows. I might be imagining the blanking because I feel so shit (that's what husband thinks! He thinks I'm paranoid because I'm wracked with guilt for acting so out of character).

If you make a mistake in life, what should you do? Do I just need to feel shit forever? Of course I'll apologise if it becomes clear this lady heard me, but I don't know how I'll face her or her friends ever again - though I have to as I see her most days for our kids mutual interest. Maybe I'll just wear a big hoody and hide when I see her forever :(

OP posts:
Original poster
AnonyMouseToday · 02/11/2022 17:52

UmbilicusProfundus · 02/11/2022 07:58

Mountain out of a molehill…

I hope so 🤞

OP posts:
Original poster
AnonyMouseToday · 02/11/2022 17:59

Calandor · 02/11/2022 12:59

Meh. Everyone's done it don't torture yourself. Stand by your words if you meant it.

I suppose I did mean the things I said. She is competitive and her son is annoyingly the favourite, tells the teacher/coach/instructor lies about my son etc.. and has bullied my son to make himself look better. I do generally like this boy though as he can be really lovely at times and is only as he is as he has pressure to perform from his mum. This woman has always been v nice to me though (hence why I feel so shitty) but she is pretty horrible to her kid and actually is a big gossip herself. That is her business though and I should not have passed comment. I have never said anything bad about her (or anyone else) before (except to DH which for some reason I see as acceptable gossip), but i think I finally had an outlet to express a less than positive opinion of her because the other person I was talking to also felt the same. I have learnt my lesson and feel sick.

OP posts:
Kissingfrogs25 · 02/11/2022 18:57

AnonyMouseToday · 02/11/2022 17:50

I totally deserve that. I made a massive mistake and wish I hadn't done what I've done. I get they might all hate me now. I never ever normally gossip. Have you ever gossiped? I do feel shit about it.

It's not a school setting. But yes, I should not have gossiped about this mum. I don't know if she knows. I might be imagining the blanking because I feel so shit (that's what husband thinks! He thinks I'm paranoid because I'm wracked with guilt for acting so out of character).

If you make a mistake in life, what should you do? Do I just need to feel shit forever? Of course I'll apologise if it becomes clear this lady heard me, but I don't know how I'll face her or her friends ever again - though I have to as I see her most days for our kids mutual interest. Maybe I'll just wear a big hoody and hide when I see her forever :(

Show quote history

In your place I would go and speak to her, make conversation and maybe it will be fine.

I would probably tell her what you have said to the other mother in a roundabout way.
Something like ‘ I feel sad my ds is never chosen for anything, you are very fortunate that your ds often is chosen. It must be a relief for you that he is valued. I often feel quite cross about it’
That way you have been open with her, and if she does find out she won’t be surprised to learn of your feelings, you can then say you particularly upset that day. At least there is an element of honesty then.

She is probably aware of yours and perhaps others feelings anyway - and may not be offended. My dd won every sports day for years and the other parents were seething. I knew they must be venting somewhere along the line, I could see how annoyed they were, but such is life 🤷🏼‍♀️ It’s a sports day not the olympics.

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