My gran passed away recently and although we were on good terms when she passed, I had told her I loved her and she was the best gran, I have regrets. We argued a lot throughout her life and we both said some nasty things to each other. I went through a really bad time when I was a teenager and said some really vicious things to her during that time.
Although I turned things around and she told me a lot how proud she was of me and we made peace, I feel sick to my stomach just thinking about all our arguments and wish we hadn't. I wish I'd just bitten my tongue and not been so vile.
I worry that even though we were in a good place when she died and she got to see me living a good life that it still wasn't enough. I can never take back those nasty words but I didn't mean them and I am scared she died thinking I did and thinking I didn't love her.
It's making everything so much worse, I wish I didn't have these regrets.
AIBU to feel this way?