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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel guilt after a loved one died?

2 replies

discodance · 01/11/2022 20:29

My gran passed away recently and although we were on good terms when she passed, I had told her I loved her and she was the best gran, I have regrets. We argued a lot throughout her life and we both said some nasty things to each other. I went through a really bad time when I was a teenager and said some really vicious things to her during that time.

Although I turned things around and she told me a lot how proud she was of me and we made peace, I feel sick to my stomach just thinking about all our arguments and wish we hadn't. I wish I'd just bitten my tongue and not been so vile.

I worry that even though we were in a good place when she died and she got to see me living a good life that it still wasn't enough. I can never take back those nasty words but I didn't mean them and I am scared she died thinking I did and thinking I didn't love her.

It's making everything so much worse, I wish I didn't have these regrets.

AIBU to feel this way?

OP posts:
Musti · 01/11/2022 20:33

I think it is normal to feel like that but it is also normal for family and loved ones to argue, especially teens. My teens have said some horrible things to me but I love them and I know they love me and it doesn’t affect our relationship whatsoever. I’m sorry for your loss but focus on the good times and be sure that your lovely gran knew you loved her

Sapphire387 · 01/11/2022 20:36

Your gran knew you loved her.

Guilt does seem to be a part of grief, sometimes.

We are none of us perfect.

Try to forgive yourself- she wouldn't want you to be beating yourself up about this, I'm sure.

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