Would you kick your DC out if they treated you like this?

[Willowherb291]

We have new neighbours. A mum, a young daughter and an older son. The mum seems lovely. Older son looks around 18. He's not in college, he gets picked up by a van in the morning so it looks like he does some labouring work somewhere.

He's absolutely vile to his mum. Our walls are thin and last night was particularly bad. He called her every name under the sun-fucking slag, cunt, whore. Shouting at the top of his voice.

It must be so difficult to live with, no one should be abused like that in their own home. I found myself wondering if I'd kick DS out if he treated me the same way.

YANBU-I'd tell them to find somewhere else to live

YABU-id put up with it and let them live with me still.

As a side note this mum seems to have lots of support. She has female visitors very frequently, looks like her parents visit often too.

Mine would be out if he spoke to me like that.

I’d want to ask how she is to offer support - but I’d not be sure whether it would be the right to do. If it sounded like he was hitting her then I would - while I was waiting for the police to get there - so wouldn’t it be right to knock and ask in this circumstance if it sounds like she is being verbally assaulted rather than they’re having a row?

Are you sure he's her son and not her partner?

When ndn argued with their adult dc I rang the police. Got very heated. Surely it's still domestic abuse?

My xh used to speak to me like that. No one else ever will.

Record it before you call the police. Doubt they'll do anything anyway.

That's awful
Part of me wonders where he learned that abusive behaviour.
Is his dad anywhere to be seen?

I'd really jump to the conclusion that his dad yelled like that too. You couldn't not think that.

Considering you don’t know about their family circumstances it’s hard to say whether you’d kick them out.

He could have additional needs, need care at home, they could have escaped an abusive home and he is adjusting to that.

he might look 18 but might be 16-17 and on a work placement or apprenticeship

I'd ring the police each and every time. If he doesn't like the police turning up, he can rein his language, can't he? If his mum is happy to be called a cunt in her own home, thats her lookout, but I wouldn't be listening to it.

I'd also make a point of speaking to her when the nasty little scrote wasn't around and ask her if she's OK.

It's not defensible, but you don't really know anything about him. Maybe he is not NT or has mental health issues.

I’d like to say yes, definitely kick them out.

However, some PPs have raised excellent points which might partly explain why she hasn’t.

Id still want to record it and consider reporting to police if it carries on though.

Yeah he's clearly got an income so can leave and get his own place. I wouldn't stand for this and I wouldn't have my daughter thinking that's normal behaviour and should be accepted.

Oh, and in answer to the question, yes I would kick out ANYONE who spoke to me like that. If he's got disabilities, he can fuck off and live in sheltered housing until he learns to behave like a civilised human being.

A few years ago I would have said yes I would but now I'm in that situation and can't do it. I posted last week in mental health about it when I was struggling during a bad few days. So to answer your question I would put up with it and let them stay.

Wowzers

Hoping you’re not a parent to human children

Seriously, why? Would you allow someone to abuse you in your own home, in front of your younger (human) children, using language like that? If so, why?

Also,we have no idea whether this young man has disabilities or not. He's probably just a perfectly ordinary arsehole.

Police came out ASAP when I rang about ndn.

Are you actually asking why

when you posted even if your child was disabled you’d kick them out.

Am pretty sure from your reply though that you don’t have kids so crack on

Come on, life is not that simple. I hope I would not tolerate abuse but can imagine it can be very difficult if your child is damaged emotionally for example.

You do know that many people are subject to abuse and do not throw the abuser out - so clearly it is not as simple as you are pretending.

My concern would be for the younger child who has to witness this disgusting performance on a regular basis. If the older teen cannot keep a civil tongue in his head, he should be going to live somewhere else. What about the younger child who has to grow up in that environment?

I'm absolutely amazed at people making excuses for an abuser.

My NDN had this with her son.
He has no additional needs and is just a knob.
I phoned the police every time he raised his voice to her.
They came every time and he now lives elsewhere.

She may not be able to kick him out. He's presumably stronger than her. He could just refuse to go.

And she could/should call the police and get him out of there before her daughter is further damaged by being taught that women should take this abuse from any male.

Bloody hell

To pp above, I don't think you just "get sheltered housing"
Also unless you are in a specific situation it's impossible for you to understand what's going on. All you can do is offer support.