Are other 4 year olds like this, is it normal?

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For the last few months, 4 year old Dc has seemed angrier, we can’t do anything right and she often shouts at us and gets angry and loses her temper, sometimes tries to hit or throw things. She wasn’t like this before, she was happier and more loving (doesn’t like to cuddle that much now)
Should I be worried? Is this a normal phase, should I wait it out or take her to see someone? Really worried

My kids had something like a terrible twos around 4. It did pass.

Sounds like the fucking fours. Noone ever talks about those.

Yep sounds like my boy! Nursery said it's completely normal and a lot of parents have the same, especially at home with people they have strong attachments to (because they know they can hit us and we will still love them).

@AMorningstar How long did it last?

@NairobiGal How bad is your boy with it though? I feel like this is so so hard and a big difference in her

Few months. My sons were more aggressive with it (throwing stuff and running everywhere) whereas my daughter was more vocal and shouting. They all did it and it was frustrating but I think it's normal.

Oh gosh I hope it's normal! We're here too - it's like he's had a personality transplant

@AMorningstar Its been just over 3 months and seems worse the last month or so, the meltdowns are the worst I’ve ever seen, never like this before

@Eileen101 What behaviour do you have, how long has it lasted, how old is your dc?

Have they just started school or still in pre-school? I think this behaviour is 'normal' in phases for many years depending on the child.

Some days better than others. He kicked me in the back this morning because I wouldn't let him have his halloween sweets for breakfast. Can usually snap him out of it with distraction or a walk though pretty quickly.

I'm going to say normal phase too.

if It’s quite a sudden change and they are a verbal child I would be concerned something was happening to them ie bullying or abuse and would definitely open some dialogue and look at but closer at anything that could be giving them cause to need to act out.

however they do all have a hell fire streak inside them somewhere that often only gets taken at in the safety of home. Often it’s about power and control.

there is nothing you can do once they’ve lost.

i mean there’s often time on the approach when you could have handled it better and there’s certainly lots of ways you could make it worse ie losing it yourself but once they are up… you can’t fix it, you have to wait til they can hear you again.

most often you need to listen more than talk to find a solution but also you need to be willing to show forgiveness and move on. They’re a child learning to control themselves and it’s youre job to teach them but not matter how good you are it doesn’t happen in a day ❤️

It’s normal. It’s called The ‘far from fabulous fours’
In my experience It’s followed by the ‘fucking awful fives’
6 was ok.
the we had the seriously bad sevens and currently we are experiencing ‘I’ll do anything to make it stop’ eights’

I have a neighbour with a 9yr old…… he seems ok. I’m crossing my fingers.

@NairobiGal What do you do when he kicks you in the back?

@carefulcalculator Just started pre school

I just had a conversation with him. We were both sat on my bed. I sat opposite him and said something along the lines of 'I know you are angry right now, and I know you want your sweets because they taste really nice don't they? But, sweets are for weekends and you're very lucky already that you're having them on a Monday. You have hurt mummy's back and that has made me feel a bit sad. What do you need to say to mummy'. At which point he looked a bit sheepish. Had to ask him again to say sorry, at which point he did. Doesn't always go down this well though but he's getting there!

Oh yeah I could have posted this although in our case it’s lesser direct anger and more up and down emotion.

Will be absolutely fine one minute and the next sobbing or screaming because of some minor inconvenience.
They are also becoming increasingly meaner to their younger sibling.
Lots of “you can’t play with me”, “you’re not my best friend” etc. which the little one finds very upsetting.

I really hope this is a short phase because I’m finding the emotional highs and lows difficult to deal with, and I absolutely hate seeing the youngest being excluded or upset.

It is common for behaviour to deteriorate at home when more is expected out of the home - could this be a factor?

10 can be pretty shit too... sorry!

Maybe tired from preschool or finding it tough?

Completely normal in my experience. My 3.5 year old has just started pre-school and she's exactly the same. In fairness my nearly 6 year old isn't great either.
I think we sometimes forget how tiring school is for them and how hard they have to work all day, following instructions, doing what their teachers say etc. So they have to decompress when they come home. Doesn't make it any easier though!

@SequoiaTree She's only in a few mornings a week and hasn’t been in for over a week and worst behaviour ever. She’s with a bad cough and cold at the moment, would that make a huge difference?

My son started school in September age 4,

Exactly the same, angry and short tempered and a little attitude, hopefully just a phase with a big change that's happened ! X

Normal. My nearly 4 year old has been far more angry over the past few weeks (since she moved to a new preschool after the last one closed). She throws things and has become very demanding. Constantly pushing boundaries. She pushes her little brother out the way and screams at him.
She gets warnings then punished for all these things (has time out on the reflection step, TV off, toy removed) but I know she is very tired. I'm hoping that as she settles at preschool she will calm down a bit .... Only for it all to explode again when she starts school next year.