Son doesn’t want to attend an activity, do I force him to go?

[DoesntWantToGo]

DS is 8, he started attending an activity about 6 months ago (think Scouts/Cubs/Beavers etc). To start with, he loved it. He has SEN and adhd and constantly moves and needs stimulating. The activity was perfect for it! Recently, he’s been saying he doesn’t want to go just before we get ready to leave. He loves it when he’s there, and says how much he enjoys it and wants to go next week. He also uses up loads of energy in a healthy way, and has friend there to play with. But when I pick him up from school the day of the activity, he starts saying no he doesn’t want to go. Now I don’t want to push him and force him to do something he doesn’t want to. But at the same time, I don’t want him to give in too easily and then regret it later (there’s a waiting list, it took a year for him to get his place). I also don’t want to waste my time and money every week if he’s saying he doesn’t want to go. But he loves it when he’s there. I had suggested that he goes until the end of the year, and if he’s still not sure, then he can leave. But my mam says I’m being mean and shouldn’t force him to go, even though he loves it when he’s there.

so wise mumsnetters, what do I do?

YANBU- try and get him to go for a few more weeks and see if he changes his mind
YABU- don’t force him, save my money for something else

Judy Murray once said that her boys often said they wanted to give up tennis - so she’d say you have to go, but if at the end you say you don’t want to go next time, then we’ll cancel, but it’s too late on the way there to cancel. And that everytime she’d ask them on the way home “do you want to give up/not go next time?” They’d always said no. If they had said they wanted to quit on the way home, she’d have let them.

I’ve taken that approach with everything except swimming. Tell me afterwards you don’t want to go next week, I’ll cancel. Tell me when you are getting ready, then no.

so perhaps make him go, then ask him at pick up “did you enjoy it this evening? Was it fun? Do you want to go next week?” If he says yes, then next week when he complains remind him you asked him when you left and it’s too late to cancel now, he has to go tonight but if after the club tonight he says he doesn’t want to go next week, you’ll cancel.

My kids do with this dance. They are 5. They moan before going but I can see they love it there and are simply buzzing after, so I ignore their complaints and force them to go 🤣

I would speak to him after the session. Ask him how the feels after and if he enjoyed it and is glad he went.
I often don’t feel like doing things but then am really glad I did after.

@BuryingAcorns I think this is a good approach

My dd is the same with one of her after school clubs but is always glad she has done it afterwards.
The annual subs are due in January so we are going to have a serious conversation then about whether to continue. Tough one.

If he enjoys it while there carry on

if he said at the end /after / I didn’t enjoy j don’t went to go next week then i would consider stopping

dd4 at the time last year was doing a dance club after school. She liked 2/3 then said she didn’t like it. Twice I had to collect her early as upset

so I said to her that it was fine to stop but she would lose her place and wouidnt Be able to go next term if she changed her mind

she didn’t lol

where as swimming and gym she loves and enjoys going

as your ds @DoesntWantToGo enjoys while there I would continue

Check with leaders. We have child who doesn't take part in anything, they don't want to be there but they tell us parents say they have to.