Another kids birthday party one...

[PorkPieJelly]

Keeping it short:

DD in Year 2. I am friends with a group of other parents. Last year, one of the kids a smallish party (let's call her Katie) - my DD not invited, most of the other kids in the group all invited. Found out about it after the event, I was a bit put out but got over it, our DDs are friends but not super close so wrote it off as one of those things and never mentioned it. (FWIW Katie was invited to DD's party which happened before.)

DD bday coming up in December and we agreed she could choose about 10 kids to invite to a smaller party than last year. DD has not chosen Katie. All other kids in the 'group' are on the list. In the interest of being the bigger person, should I add Katie to the list? Or should I stick to DD's list and leave her off? If I ask DD if we should invite her, she will say yes - she has lots of friends and would invite the whole class if possible. Part of me thinks 'No, DD didn't get an invite so why should we invite her back?' The other part of me thinks 'Don't be ridiculous, this could escalate, just invite her.'

AIBU to not invite Katie?

I’m going to go with you are not being unreasonable not to invite Katie

Not that it’s a “tit for tat” situation but Katie and her mum didn’t think to add your DD onto the list so I do not think you need to worry about adding Katie onto your DD’s list

Your DD would of put Katie on list if she wanted her there

i wouldn’t invite her unless you DD chose her as one of the 10.

Suppose depends if dd would want her there and how closer friends you are as a group of parents.

If the kids are a group of friends it would be unkind to leave one out.

But if it’s the parents who are the group of friends then I don’t think you need to invite Katie.

Definitely not unreasonable not to invite Katie. Your Dd made the list of 10 people she wanted. Katie was not on it.

You don’t have to do an obligation invite as Katie didn’t invite your Dd, and clearly her Mum doesn’t think this is a social obligation. Not tit for tat but gives you a clear conscience.

I’d stick with your dd’s list. She’s old enough to choose. She may be holding a good boundary for herself here, that she invites friends that make her feel like she’s a good enough friend for them - who are we to push back on that?

What would you hope to achieve by inviting her? The child and her mum obviously don't care, and if they do say something just say "not enough space, sorry"

I think this sums it up really well. I would say it's a parent friendship rather than a kids one. And yes to @Mummyongin you're right - it's hard enough getting her to pick just a few friends so I should applaud that. Incidentally DD was a bit sad when she realised she'd missed Katie's party last year but she got over it quickly. I was probably more offended.

You are being unreasonable to give it head space.

10 places, dd chose 10 kids.

Haha thank you, good point. I did think 'I wonder what DH thinks?' but I knew his answer would be 'Who cares?'