To ask for an OCD Handhold and ‘Unmumsnetty hug’

[OCDisSHIT]

I know the phrases ‘ask for handhold’ and ‘unmumsnetty hug’ annoy people but I really do need them!

My dc (17) has ocd and autism. The ocd is so debilitating and my heart is breaking.
The ocd is now focussing a lot on food and both school and I are worried dc is at risk of developing an eating disorder.
I also worry so much about dc’s mood as although they are not suffering from depression, the ocd is so relentless that I know sometimes it feels life is just too difficult for them.
CAMHS were not as useful as we’d hoped and the cbt wasn’t very effective. We also tried a private counsellor but they didn’t gel and DC didn’t engage. I am neurodivergent too (although don’t have ocd) and also found cbt didn’t work. DC has started with a very highly recommended local private psychologist and although it’s very expensive, I am hopeful that his approach may help.
DC is applying to Cambridge and I am fully supportive but so worried about the pressure and also them leaving home as we are very close and talk a lot.
It’s all just so shit that life is this hard for my precious dc 😞

I find OCD type behaviours are worse when stressed generally. (Autistic) so weirdly occupational therapy to find sensory help may reduce the stress.

Thank you for replying - I’d be happy to try anything if it works. I posted on AIBU for traffic but it seems like I’ve posted the loneliest AIBU post ever 😞

OP I'm lying in bed with covid and I can barely understand anything but I do understand you're going through something with your dc and feeling lonely and sad so hugs and hands from me. Sorry I can't do any better than that. I hope something improves for you and dc.

Sorry OCD is shit. I've p'med you.

Here for a big hug and a handhold too. It’s horrible when your kid is struggling and you’d do anything to help but there is nothing.

Massive handhold from one mum to another 💗💗💗 I feel for you so much and think you're DD must feel deeply loved, it just oozes out of your post. There are many many types of therapy practised by therapists with differing relational styles, the anxiety and other stresses that autism and OCD bring can respond well to therapy, the most crucial factor is usually the relationship between the client and therapist, keep looking for someone your DD bonds with and who can work with her to identify what she needs. There are also many resources you can try with DD or encourage her to do alone to help manage aspects of her situation, start small, maybe a little mindfulness exercise or some breath work, you'll find lots of stuff on YouTube on this. Self care is super important for both of you, make sure you are looking after yourself in this, you are going through it too. ❤️

As a lifelong OCD sufferer with a sister in a specialist inpatient centre atm for OCD too, i feel so so much for your DC. Has medication been properly explored? It took 8 types to find the one that helped me, and it was an older TCA rather than an SSRI.

DS had debilitating OCD from 15 to about 20, but managed to overcome it at University. School was very difficult for him, and first year halls, sharing spaces with so many people, was tough but helped him get devise ways of coping which made later years, where he had more control over his environment, fine. I hope things work out for your DD.

Thank you all so much for your messages. I’ve cried reading them.
DC is a boy, sorry that wasn’t obvious from my first post.

CAMHS are really against medication and he’s too young for the Gp to prescribe it apparently. The GP is very supportive though so if this new therapy doesn’t work we will go back to the doctor to talk about medication.

He is going to try EMDR with this very well recommended therapist. I’ve had it in the past and it was very effective. I don’t have ocd but I am neurodivergent like my DC and it worked so much better than cbt or talking.

My heart just breaks because he is so tormented and he’s lost weight since his ocd has fixated on food. It’s usually bodily fluids or rule breaking that causes the most distress but the food thing is new.

What is so sad is that DC is such a chilled out person apart from the ocd. His mood is usually fairly upbeat despite this crippling anxiety but I can see it wearing him down as he gets older.

We are very close and we spent a whole day together at the weekend doing stuff together. I think he knows how much he’s loved but I just can’t take this horrible shitty thing away from him.

DS hated CBT as well, and developed a huge distrust of psychiatrists and doctors. Sertraline was a very useful crutch through the worst of it, and, I think, his pet leopard gecko was one thing that made him happy even in very bleak times.

A handhold and a big hug from here too. X