Everyone around me is rich, not sure where I fit in

[Isitstillgrimbutfunupnorth]

Currently live abroad in a beautiful place, lots of wealthy ex pats-5 million euro homes, private school, lots of travel etc. Even the friends closest to me, who live in nice, but fairly average houses, send their children to private school and seem v comfortable. We’re just average-own home in nice place, average car, dc likely going to a good state school, not as much travel now dc has come along (lots of travel before her)
Meet ups (even okay dates invariably involve expensive lunches and nice wine/champagne…

I feel I’m able to get on with mainly all different groups (if you call them that)
My parents are from a working class background and worked their way up with degrees, masters etc and moved to a nice area, where we had a nice house and close to a v good state school (Lots of wealthy kids/friends (big houses with pools etc) went there too. I socialised with them lots in primary school, but quickly realised the difference in our backgrounds…one *Friend told everyone my (4 bdrm house) was tiny and we didn’t have a car (we didn’t in the 80’s as couldn’t afford one and dad rode a bike to work)
As I got into high school, my friendship group was more *My level as it were -pretty average, then as I got older and met other people at clubs, they’d all take the piss and say I was posh, due to the area…so on one hand I was poverty stricken in a crappy house in my area and on the other, posh and snobby (I’m neither)
Plus point is that I learned to socialise in both groups really…
The friends I have here are down to earth but learning more about them, they all
went to private school, rode horses, went ski ing etc…again I feel as though I don’t quite fit in, but I also don’t fit in on the other side (hard to explain what I mean!)
Anyone else had this?

*Even play dates

If they're your friends now then why does it matter how they grew up? What difference does it make?

make and nurture friends for who they are, not what they have. Real friends really aren't interested in your house size, wealth or sporting attributes.

Are they paying the school fees from their own pockets or are they funded by their employers (as with the other things, housing, utilities etc)? Very generous expat packages are provided by many employers. Same as with companies in the Middle East who have to provide certain assurances to the governments which include very generous packages for locally hired employees

If you get along then it shouldn’t matter about your background, finance etc. you say you can get along with everyone and that’s a good thing.

mot is all about perspective though. Dd1 and dd2 have very different friendship groups.

In dd1s circle we are the poor ones, who have the smallest house and the least exciting holidays.

in DD2s circle we are well off, with a nice house and have amazing holidays abroad almost every year.

obviously we are the same people, but dd1 and 2 view themselves differently because of how they fit into their groups of friends. Funny really.

@SardineJam They pay themselves, all have own businesses/self employed etc. It’s even weird if we have a meet up day in early evening (because of the children) as all their dh’s/dp’s are generally there and my Dh is still at work. We wouldn’t have this situation in the U.K. and guessing our friendship group and Dds would be fairly similar

It the U.K., friends might say on occasion that they were skint this month etc, I’ve literally never heard that here, even as a sort of thing to say. It’s such an easy life I imagine

I have this a bit in UK. My friends either live in very big detached houses with land and pony and pool, or in 3 bed semi struggling with energy bills. It’s all very well people saying “if you’re real friends it doesn’t matter” but actually it does make socialising weird. My wealthy friends mostly meet up at an extremely expensive members spa. I don’t really wanna pay thousands to join, but not being a member means I get left out of meetups. My other friends however can’t afford to meet up for brunch/coffee/a cocktail and are mostly busy at work.

It’s weird being in between but I dunno what the answer is OP.

I think you will suffer a miserable life if you constantly obsess this much over other people's lifestyles.

Can't you just enjoy being friends with them?

@Keyansier I don’t think I’m obsessing over it..?

@Unseelie Yes, that’s exactly it. It’s a real divide down the middle, my wealthier friends I don’t think even realise or think about others situations and I dread if we actually one day want to go ahead with the loose plans being thrown around to all go away together (thankfully not until the kids are grown) but I couldn’t afford it, to them, it’s nothing.
But as you say, other friends (mainly Dh’s side from work etc and their partners) work all day, definitely don’t do lunches or daytime coffees out and dinner/lunch at weekend is probably a treat (as it is for me really, not just part of my almost daily life)

You've spoke about in this thread alone: The cost of their houses, the schools their children go to, the holidays they go on, the lunches they eat, the drinks they drink, their working habits and schedules, their partners working habits and schedules, their financial situations, their childhood hobbies...

@Keyansier Yes to give a picture of the situation…

Are they nice people?

If they are that’s all that matters.

@TabithaTittlemouse They are. But I do see a difference in us and doubt they’ve ever had to worry about money, evict is great, but it creates a different character perhaps.

Maybe my friends aren’t such extreme opposites but I can’t think of an example where money comes into or affects my relationships with friends.

I am an "expat" and am a bit agog as to where you live where everyone lives in such expensive houses etc but not you. I too am from a very working class background and find the expat lifestyle a bit of a bubble, but I have good friends here from all sorts of backgrounds and never focus on who has more or less money than me.

Honestly OP, I think there's potential that you will ruin these friendships if you don't stop thinking like this.

thats a good eye opener

yes and look at the child, are they happy?