AIBU to not want to plan my sister's baby shower?

[nicoleannette]

My sister has asked me to plan her baby shower for her second child. She hasn't had one before, and neither have I (just have one child). I feel I should of course but if I'm honest, don't want to. Work has taken over my life lately, I barely have time for my own family. I'm also still processing not being able to have a second child, and feeling a bit sad about that. I'm not a party or traditions person, I'm probably the worst person to ask. I would like to say no, or to suggest perhaps someone she knows co-planning. AIBU? Is that a bit mean.

Not at all. I asked my best friend to plan mine. She was honest and said she didn't think she had the time to do it with everything else she had going on atm. I asked someone else instead. Wasn't an issue x

YANBU. Tell her asap that you can’t. She can organise her own.

Who had baby showers for a second baby?! Telll her no.

Baby showers for 2nd babies are so grabby! The point of a baby shower for 1st baby is to help kit the new parents out with lots of stuff, 2nd baby you already have it all.

Honestly, i wouldn't arrange anyones baby shower for 2nd baby, all the guests you would be inviting would probably be thinking something similar

Absolutely not.

Do not put yourself under such completely unnecessary, unreasonable pressure.

I am so sorry for the grief you may be feeling.

You need to focus on enjoying this stage with your child.

Not mean at all. Don't feel pressured into doing something you don't want to do.

Each to their own but personally I don't like or 'get' baby showers. I am more than happy to give gifts but I dont like to do it in front of other people or feel the need to see what everyone else has bought either.
Plus I dont like cupcakes or prosecco 😀

I don’t think anyone should ask someone to organise a baby shower for them! If someone wants to do it they should offer, asking someone to do it is a bit odd.

Just tell her no sorry you don’t have the time.

Just tell her you have no idea about a baby shower and wouldn't know where to begin. You could also point out it's not really the dons thing for a 2nd baby but if she really wants one she'd be better to ask someone who's been to one/organised one before

YANBU, just tell her you are swamped with work and family commitments, and don't have the time to organise it. She can ask a friend or another family member to help her plan it.

Does she know about your sadness about not being able to have a second child? I’m struggling to think of a dynamic where someone is close enough to think it’s ok to ask their sister to plan a shower, but not realise that they’re mourning not being able to expand their own family.

Separately baby showers for second babies are just grabby, unless there’s a massive gap and the mum had got rid of all the kit from the first child.

@TheCraicDealer she does, but I haven't really told her the extent of it. She's aware I've found it difficult.

I think I'm leaning towards saying no for this, really helps getting other perspectives!

Tell her baby showers are a bit tacky, so you’d rather sit this one out.

you don’t have to do anything You don’t want to.

No, I think it's absolutely fine to point out it's making you feel more sad about your own situation. I think it's quite thoughtless she even asked, given she knows you've had difficulty.

Is it meant to be a proper baby shower or just a nice lunch before the baby? I think the second I'd be happy about - all you do is pick a time and place she can do then tell people and do a game or two when they get there (can buy kits online). A full blown party though is a hard pass, especially if it makes you sad working on it

Another American import!

I'm sorry to hear that.

Honestly given she knows this I would have no hesitation in saying no

Thank god baby showers weren't a thing when I had mine!

I think it's fine to tell her that right now it feels like too much especially with the news you got. I'd just tell her you're still trying to process that but you'd be willing to help out if one of her friends takes the lead on it. Tbh it's not something I'd have asked for myself but my friends took it on themselves to plan. So bit weird that she asked.

I think it's cheeky to ask someone to organise your baby shower.

She's missed the boat unfortunately. Baby shower etiquette is that you don't have them for a second baby (even if she didn't have one for the first one). Tell her now though and then if she really wants to she can ask someone else.

I think it’s totally ok to say sorry, you just have too much on. Sweeten it by saying you don’t want to stuff it up as you know it’s import to her so she would be better asking someone with better planning skills/time/creative vision if you think she will take it badly.