Sleeping arrangements for Christmas

[trebleclef101]

More of a who is being unreasonable . . .

We're staying with my parents for 4 nights over Christmas. They have 1 spare ensuite bedroom, and 2 rooms with double sofa beds that share a family bathroom. Me, DH and DD (7) usually stay on the 2 sofa beds, sharing a bathroom, and my sister (also visiting) has the ensuite bedroom with her boyfriend.

The issue this year is that DH is refusing to sleep on a sofa bed again. They are, to be fair, the least comfortable things I have ever had to sleep on. He says he would rather stay in a hotel, but that means leaving early every evening to put DD to bed. We live abroad and only see family once or twice a year so want to spend much time with them as possible. He wants me to ask my parents to buy a new sofa bed or he wants to book a hotel. I get that uncomfortable beds are crap, but I would just make do with the sofa bed, for the sake of 4 nights.

WIBU? How would I even broach this with my parents? Should I just tell DH to put up with crappy sleeping arrangements?

Or here's a thought, can you take the mattress off the sofa and sleep directly on the floor with it. DS often ended up with a sofa bed when we were travelling and this seemed to make it more comfortable.

Take the money you would spend on a hotel and use it to buy a better sofa bed.

If it were me, I’d speak with my parents about it. They’d hate to think we were uncomfortable. They’d be able to easily buy a new sofa bed - but if that would be a stretch for your parents then could you offer to contribute/ buy one for them? Or mattress topper?

Discuss with your sister and say that now your Dd is older and can sleep on a different floor, it’s your turn to have the proper bed!

Your 7 yo should be fine on a different floor of her grandparents house, in a room next to her auntie. What’s the problem?

Sofa beds are generally narrow, saggy so a mattress topper makes no difference to the dip in the middle.

If your sister refuses: hotel. 4 nights discomfort is too much when you are supposed to be enjoying yourself.

I'd say that DH has developed a bad back so needs a proper bed, suggest either swapping with sister or getting a hotel and see what the response is.

A sofa bed is fine for a night but not 4, unless it is a decent one or has a decent topper.

Thanks all, have messaged DSis and DPs to get their suggestions, and will book a hotel if no better options come up. You're right, a good nights sleep is invaluable!

It’s four nights, he’s not permanently moving in. Unless you’re going to drip feed he’s got a back injury or something I think he could just suck it up. There’s lots of things I dislike about staying with my in-laws, but they live abroad so it’s once or twice a year and it’s just got to be done. Try putting the sofa mattress on the floor.

This is why I hate travelling and sleeping at other peoples houses over Christmas, people seem to put the most uncomfortable and lumpy beds in their spare rooms because people only stay there occasionally

When we did our spare rooms I bought expensive beds, mattresses and decent pillows and duvets but I’ll only stay at peoples houses where I know they’ve done the same

life is too short for lumpy mattresses and that horrible headachy feeling of not getting enough sleep

use the money for the hotel for a mattress topper gets my vote

Four nights is a long time to be horribly uncomfortable

Your DD will love a hotel too. She's 7 can she not stay up late? Even is she fell asleep does it matter? Definitely book a hotel at least you will have privacy too

I assume she meant she wouldn't hear her dd if she woke up, if she was on another floor.

I agree with the mattress topper. Ours from M&S is like sleeping on a cloud. Much cheaper than a hotel and makes the Christmas dynamics easier

Your DD is not a toddler so you really shouldn’t need to leave early for bedtime if you go down the hotel route, or worry about sleeping on a different floor if you swap with sis. But I’d probably offer to buy DPs a new bed for one of the rooms. Go to ikea and it’ll probably be cheaper than a few nights in a hotel.

I’m with your dh on this. Book a hotel and be comfortable. It’s supposed to be a holiday not a punishment.

Just hijacking to ask what mattress toppers do people reccomend?

If you went for the hotel option could DD not stay with her grandparents if you fancied staying later one night (not all 4 nights)? If she was tired she could go to bed and you’d still be around while she got settled (plus a bonus lie in the next day)!

yes, sleep is important but for the sake of 4 nights your DH can survive. it’s the only time you see your family, it’s not forever.
By the way I wouldn’t put your DD on a different floor and count that your sister would hear her at night.

I don’t understand why you can’t broach this with your parents? Are they desperately unreasonable people that would weep and rent their clothes if you politely pointed out that your DH was uncomfortable last year? Sofa beds aren’t always great, especially for tall people. Your DH is facing 4 very uncomfortable nights in someone else’s house when he presumably has to be on top form, muck in etc. He’s offered solutions - buying a bed and comfy mattress sounds the best one. I’d suggest it to your folks.

Also, if you go for a hotel, just let your DD stay up late. You don’t have to disappear off at 7pm to put her to bed.

But why should he have to 'survive' when he can stay in a hotel?

Can’t your sister have it for once?
does she live nearby? Can she just go home in the evenings
or yes get the hotel, but leave DD at your parents where she would’ve slept anyway
you can leave late, come back in the morning.
or can you/your parents get a really good mattress topper or other compromise?

if you’re worried about not hearing DD and Dsis is willing to swap, you can get baby monitors - cheaper than a hotel

I have a foam mattress I roll up and take nearly everywhere when we stay away from home. I can only sleep on a soft bed. It is thicker than a standard topper but thinner than a proper mattress and does the job for me. I know other people have suggested a mattress topper - I don't think a thin one would work and I strongly suggest getting a good thick one.

I suggested a mattress topper to DH but we're not sure it'll help. One sofa bed is far too short and soft, the other is rock hard and about 25 years old 😂

We're happy and able to pay for a new sofa bed, or a hotel, so have sent DPs the suggestions and will see what they say.

The kid is 7

Lord the OP sounds bizarre

Could they not just replace one of the sofa beds with a proper bed ?

This is not the best sofa, but makes an excellent proper bed.

www.ikea.com/gb/en/p/lycksele-havet-2-seat-sofa-bed-knisa-light-grey-s59387033/

I slept on a much more expensive John Lewis one last week that was nowhere near as good.