Seriously mad at my BF, AIBU ?

[Alyssa80]

Hi,
I'm in a long distance relationship and my BF and I have a serious problem in the communication department. All he does is text me short messages. At first it was twice a day. In the morning:

• Hi, how are you babe ?

-I'm fine, you ? -great ! At night: -sleep tight babe -you too That's it ! Nothing else. No substantial conversation whatsoever. Now it's either in the morning or at night and we can go 2 or 3 days MIA. We also rarely call. At first, I tried to initiate calls but it would never catch him at the right time so I decided to let him initiate them. As a result, we will only FaceTime once in a blue moon, 9 times out of 10 when he's at work. He's a construction engineer so he'll show me around for 15+ mn and he will be very talkative about everything and everyone on the construction site. Nothing personal. When we manage to get together, it's almost the same thing. He'll talk a lot about his work then politics. We have opposite affiliations so we bump head on the subject. Most of the time, I'll end up shutting down to avoid an argument. Again, we never talk about us, what we have going on, how we feel, what we want next... nothing. It's been a year now. I initially thought things would get better but au contraire. I've built up so much frustration... I'm just fed up. Our last exchange was on Friday. Me: "hi, how are you". Him: "good" Me: "as chatty as usual" Him: "what" Me: "my bad" Nothing since. I think I'm done. I'm not reaching out again and plan to not answer back anymore. AIBU ?

Is he British? Is there a language barrier?

That's not a relationship OP, not even a long distance one. Sorry.

If it was me i’d cut my losses. It doesn’t sound like you’d be missing out on anything

No language barrier whatsoever and he's not young either. We're both in our early 40s so we're not supposed to be dealing with such childish issues

I voted YABU because you’re unreasonable to call this boring loser your boyfriend. How on earth has it even got to a dating stage when you can’t even have a conversation? This isn’t a relationship, it’s a waste of time

Is there anything good about the relationship? Do you enjoy spending time with him when you do actually see him?

I personally couldn’t go a long distance, even more so if you go days without communicating.

A year isn’t a long time. A year should still be the honeymoon period where you’re excited to see each other, exploring places, booking the first holiday, getting butterflies!

YABU for using the term "babe" in adult conversation.

That aside, this isn't a relationship, and you need to bin him.

YANBU I've cut off long distance relationships before that were like this. He'd go 4 days sometimes without a text! As someone else said, not a relationship. Get rid x

To avoid the inevitable drip feed, can you explain:

• where did you meet?
• has it always been long distance or did one of you move?
• how far away is long distance? Counties or countries?
• how often do you get to see each other?
• has there been discussions about actually being together, as in living in same town/country/house?
• does he ask for money or gifts etc?
• what on earth makes you think this is a 'relationship'?

Surprised to read you are both in your 40s, I was expecting it to be a first relationship scenario. Honestly, I would call it a day. What would you actually be missing out on if you ended it- a couple of texts per week and the odd video call. End it and make space for something worth your time

Sorry but you’re hardly Cyrano de Bergerac yourself. Do you never volunteer anything either?

• where did you meet? ==> In secondary school. We've been friends since. Last here we met, had a moment and started this thing
• has it always been long distance or did one of you move? ==> yes
• how far away is long distance? Counties or countries?==> countries
• how often do you get to see each other?==> as often as I'm willing to make the trip. He never talks about it or make plans about.
• has there been discussions about actually being together, as in living in same town/country/house? ==> Nope
• does he ask for money or gifts etc? ==> Nope
• what on earth makes you think this is a 'relationship'? ==> I'm that stupid. I bought into the "I've loved you since I was a teen, never told you and now life gave us a second chance" BS. He didn't tell me directly. A mutual friend did. So I thought he was serious about us

Just sounds like an occasional hook up, not a long distance relationship to be honest.

YABU. He’s not doing anything wrong. He doesn’t have much to say that interests you - so split up 🤷🏻‍♀️ but he’s not doing anything bad. You’re clearly not adding much either. Tbh I’d rather chat about the site he’s working on than “what we want next” anyway.

So a third party told you he “loved you since he was a teen”, he’s never actually said this to you himself? Absolutely nothing about his behaviour sounds like he evens likes, let alone loves you. You deserve better and should want better for yourself. Just ghost him, he probably won’t even notice

Your stroking his ego with little daily chats. But sadly you could easily be the other woman. He could be having an emotional affair with you.

Good grief, stop wasting your time already. This relationship, and I use that term very loosely, is dead in the water.

So can't you see that he doesn't care very much?! Why are you running rings around yourself? Just ditch him

I'm sorry but that is not a relationship. I have no idea what it is because its not enough for a long distance friendship either.

Dont instigate anything. Personally I would block too so you aren't tempted.

This doesn't really sound like a relationship :(

But your answers are pretty uncommunicative too. Answering 'fine, you?' is hardly inspiring. Why don't you say 'great! I managed to complete that report which was hanging over my head! My boss had been a real pita though. I saw my best friend Mary for lunch - gosh it's been ages! I was thinking we could do x y z next time - what do you think?'
Maybe you've tried that.
But frankly it doesn't seem like you have much in common and the distance thing isn't working. Time to call it a day.

@mondaytosunday believe me, I've tried. No it's not working and you're right. it's time to end this charade. BTW he seems to have reached the same conclusion so it's over

YABU because you think this is a relationship.

Yes, exactly this. How can you have had a second date with a man who appears to have no inferiority, or, if he has, no ability to articulate it? It’s not even as if you can be having amazing sex if you’re LD…?