To really think I'm failing at parenting

[Goingforplatinum]

I really hated the newborn phase when DD cried all the time and I didn't know what was wrong with her, mixed with sleepless nights, was not a phase I enjoyed.

Then after the first 6 months started to enjoy parenting more, and even more so when she was around 1 where she was good company, ate well, slept okay and generally listened.

She was 2 in August and again all was going well until she became ill around three weeks ago, although she has overcome the illness its like her whole personality has changed. She winges and cries all the time, refuses to go to bed, wakes up all through the night, refuses food and then screams she's hungry, hits me and bites me and doesn't listen to anything I say. I tell her off, destract her, use naughty step, say no, but nothing works she just screams at me. It's gotten to the stage now I just don't want to be around her anymore. I get children at her age having tantrums but this is ridiculous, I feel like I have no control over her and failing miserably.

You are quite right in that you do not have any control over your child. It is a huge myth that parents control children unless of course they are being abusive. The first lesson in parenting is to surrender to it. Of course you don’t let on your the child but inside you must accept that you are now in fact living a life of servitude. Once you accept this it all gets much easier. Pick your battles, focus on the wins, celebrate the little moments because honestly it’s all over before you know it. And what is life except to love and be loved? Your child will love you more than anyone ever will. The rest is just background noise.

It is very common when your parents were unsympathetic to be challenged when on the other side of the situation. It might help you to reflect on what you think is going on, why your response is also unsympathetic and whether you might benefit from some support to deal with this.

Human upbringings are very powerful. It can be hard to be the parent you want to be when in a stress situation - stress pulls people back to what they know.

Nothing has worked

Nothing has worked because your child is going through a phase, perhaps teething, perhaps emotional. Your job is just to be nice to her and yourself and get through to tomorrow without a tantrum from you.

My kids are very much older (some adult) and I promise it passes!

Just a thought...is she getting enough exercise during the day? When mine wouldn't sleep at that age, I'd take them out and run them ragged so they eventually slept through pure physical exhaustion.

Do you have a soft play near you? We used to have a great soft play cafe for toddlers near us (unfortunately it shut during Covid) where I'd take my DC and bung them in it on the days when I just couldn't be bothered. It was small enough to supervise from a table while having a coffee, which was great.