Page 2 | To still make DS do the school run regardless?

TheElt · 2022-10-31T16:33:07+00:00

Looking for some opinions on whether I'm being too mean or not. DS is 17, he's always struggled with school and his mental health, mainly anxiety. He started college last September but really struggled with anxiety he tried to go but couldn't, then earlier this year he attempted suicide twice. He wasn't enjoying his course so he started a new one this September, which he was struggling with due to anxiety, he did until half term but has dropped out . He's currently been put on new medication so we’re currently waiting for that to work and when it does he’ll do an apprenticeship. He agreed that whilst he's not doing anything he will help out by taking DS2 to school etc. Tomorrow, DS2 is back after half term but DS1 is going to a Halloween party tonight with his friends and will be drinking. Because of this DP has said I shouldn't expect DS to do the school run tomorrow. DS1 knows he's supposed to, he's also got his theory tomorrow so he shouldn't really be drinking a lot anyway. AIBU to think he should do it regardless or is that a bit mean?

MarigoldMoonStone · 31/10/2022 18:35

If he does it 5 days a week normally I would let him off tomorrow

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 31/10/2022 18:38

I’m going to be a bit pedantic and say that he’s underage to be drinking and on medication and doing his theory (driving?). So he probably shouldn’t be out drinking as drink is also a depressant.

He should also do the school run too.

AffIt · 31/10/2022 18:43

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 31/10/2022 18:38

I’m going to be a bit pedantic and say that he’s underage to be drinking and on medication and doing his theory (driving?). So he probably shouldn’t be out drinking as drink is also a depressant.

He should also do the school run too.

Well, yes - the massive screaming point here is that the kid is technically not of legal age to drink.

I'm not averse to teenagers having the odd cider or whatever and god knows I did enough of it when I was that age, but setting yourself up to kind of expect that a youngster who a) isn't legally able to drink yet and b) is presumably on sufficient medication to hopefully prevent a relapse into what sounded like a significant mental health crisis to get so leathered that they won't be able to manage a walk or short drive (not sure which) at 8/9am the next morning is... not good, I think.

OldWivesTale · 31/10/2022 18:48

MamaBear1022 · 31/10/2022 17:33

So he can go out with friends, socialise and drink but is too anxious to go to college or work?

Is he really that anxious or being picky about what he does?

FFS - Just go away! You clearly have no understanding of anxiety so why even comment?

OldWivesTale · 31/10/2022 18:50

I don't think you should make him do the school run. Let him have some time doing normal teenage things when he can.

CrapBucket · 31/10/2022 18:55

It depends how onerous the school run is imo. I think its good to give him some structure and would expect him to do it tomorrow, but wouldn't make it into a battle. It sounds like its your DP suggestion for him to have tomorrow off rather than DS himself asking? So perhaps play it by ear. I hope he is feeling better soon and sorry about the shitty comments from people who don't understand. Keep going OP you are doing a great job.

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 31/10/2022 19:02

AffIt · 31/10/2022 18:43

Well, yes - the massive screaming point here is that the kid is technically not of legal age to drink.

I'm not averse to teenagers having the odd cider or whatever and god knows I did enough of it when I was that age, but setting yourself up to kind of expect that a youngster who a) isn't legally able to drink yet and b) is presumably on sufficient medication to hopefully prevent a relapse into what sounded like a significant mental health crisis to get so leathered that they won't be able to manage a walk or short drive (not sure which) at 8/9am the next morning is... not good, I think.

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Exactly!

Its fine if he wants to go out, maybe have fun, but teenagers of that age when drinking can be silly (I know I was!). He might also want to drink more because he’s nervous about his test.

Add in his theory test which he probably won’t do as well in if he’s hungover and might fail and he could slip back into depression easily.

Is it really worth it for Halloween night?!

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 31/10/2022 19:04

CrapBucket · 31/10/2022 18:55

It depends how onerous the school run is imo. I think its good to give him some structure and would expect him to do it tomorrow, but wouldn't make it into a battle. It sounds like its your DP suggestion for him to have tomorrow off rather than DS himself asking? So perhaps play it by ear. I hope he is feeling better soon and sorry about the shitty comments from people who don't understand. Keep going OP you are doing a great job.

A school run isn’t that onerous, it’s just walking a child to school and getting up at a decent time to do this.

if he’s been out not drinking but he’s tired all he needs to do is get some clothes on, brush his hair and get his sibling ready to go to school and then hand them over at the gate/classroom entrance.

FlissyPaps · 31/10/2022 19:06

Who’s idea was it in the first place to help out with school run? Yours or his?

Original poster

TheElt · 31/10/2022 19:17

DS hasn't taken DS2 yet (he has in the past but it was always a one but hasn't for a full week) as although he wasn't attending college the 2/3 weeks before half term, he was still ‘enrolled’ on the course, I then let him leave on the agreement he would help out (and get an apprenticeship when he felt able to), so I suggested him take DS2 to school. It's a 25 minute walk, but he'll probably go on the bus which is about 10 minutes, plus a 5 minute walk to school. Yes, he is underaged to be drinking but I allow it as he obviously would do it without me knowing, and he has in the past so i’d rather know what he's doing and who he's with etc. He's also in a very small friendship group and most of his friends have recently turned 18.

DS1 won't need to get DS2 ready for school as he is 9 so can get himself dressed and ready etc and DP will be making his breakfast so DS1 will only need to get himself ready and after he's dropped DS2 off he can probably go back to bed as his theory isn't until late afternoon anyway.

OP posts:

Postapocalypticcowgirl · 31/10/2022 19:43

So him doing the school run is starting tomorrow?

I actually probably would make him do it then. If he'd been doing it regularly before half term, I would let him off, but if the idea is to get him into a positive routine, getting some fresh air etc, I wouldn't let him off on the first occasion.

I totally get it, it's not about punishing, it's just about giving him some structure and getting him out of the house- right?

I would be wary of him drinking at all on new medication.

orbitalcrisis · 31/10/2022 19:44

@MamaBear1022 Going out with friends kept me alive for years through my depression. I'd always think, "After this weekend's party I'll kill myself." Then we'd make plans for the next weekend. In the end the feelings went away. Having something to live for, no matter how small, is a literal life saver!

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 31/10/2022 19:50

Postapocalypticcowgirl · 31/10/2022 19:43

So him doing the school run is starting tomorrow?

I actually probably would make him do it then. If he'd been doing it regularly before half term, I would let him off, but if the idea is to get him into a positive routine, getting some fresh air etc, I wouldn't let him off on the first occasion.

I totally get it, it's not about punishing, it's just about giving him some structure and getting him out of the house- right?

I would be wary of him drinking at all on new medication.

Agreed with both of this.

I had a part time casual childcare job for a neighbour/friend when I left school during my 5th year and whilst I was doing private tuition for exams. Really helped to focus with my depression, anxiety and severe PMT. I did sometimes drink alcohol with friends but not sure if that was ever a good idea!

Hope your son copes ok with whatever he does OP, teen years are tough.

Whataretheodds · 31/10/2022 21:52

There's a lot of rubbish here!

It's great that you're getting him to do the school run (i say this as someone who has suffered from anxiety and depression including a chunk of time off work. That daily routine and getting out of the house is important. And a sense of contribution to family life.

Yes he should be careful with drinking while depressed, especially if on medication. Some meds massively amplify the effect of alcohol.

18 is the minimum age to purchase alcohol, not to drink at a house party. 17 is legal.

What does he say about it?

LemonsAndCherries · 31/10/2022 22:07

If he's been depressed, getting enough sleep is critical. Therefore, I wouldn't be demanding he get up to get another child to school tomorrow.

None of us cope being tired and everything feels more miserable and hard to deal with.