To ask how you make the most of rural life ..

[Nannanoodle]

We live inna beautiful rural costal village.
We really love it here

There is something I am stuggling with and wanted advice as I cannot ask irl!

I am finding that a side effect of the quiet and the traditional has started to effect me cognitively ! in part It is to do with giving up stressful career where I had to evidence competence. Combined with the fact that most people stick to very surface conversations . I miss the stimulus of different conversations and depth( it is like this because people are quite private as the village tends to get to know ones business. , therefore people dont indulge in personal stuff etc
We come from a city where politics, gender, parenting, econissues, alternative issues, etc were talked about a lot as where many subjects as it was a unversity city with a great deal going on .

The main culture here is the pub and having a laugh .. its very much a pub village.

Most things are traditional such as the art group or book group.

Given that the conversation is mainly superficial chat I can feel
that i am not getting any cognitive sparing for want of a better word!
.. never had to seek it before, and i wonder if anyone can advise of any ways of addressing this aspect of living in this particular type of rural location ( no cinema , no theatre) . beautiful as it is I feel a little lost ! And am v unmotivated . ( we are not new here , but it is the first time I have admitted it to myself )

Reading your title I was ready to talk about growing vegetables, starting an orchard and breeding various birds and animals.

But actually you’re after intellectual stimulation!

Are you sure there’s no book club anywhere around? If not you could almost certainly find one online - which might offer broader horizons.

The other thing would be to sign up for a course (even if you have academic qualifications coming out of your ears) at the nearest university / conservatoire / art school. Or to teach something there.

But I don’t think you can alter the nature of your neighbours!

Thank you ! I think I miss both the intellectual aspecr as well as the human connection on a deeper level if that makes sense .

I most enjoyed rural life when I was working in the local pubs! I had really interesting conversations with people with diverse jobs and interests. Weeknights were the best as it wasn’t too busy, people would come in for the company. I can still recall random information about keeping racehorses, the oil industry, local fishing and foraging, the politics of the parish & county council, museum curation, etc , so it must have been reasonably stimulating. One of my regulars was the editor of an English language foreign newspaper and I used to overhear some fascinating Skype calls.
So, get down the pub, either side of the bar will do.

I had no idea that there was such a thing as an on line book club !

BeastOfBODMAS ooh I do! Several times a week !

There's EVERY kind of club online! Courses too! You could look at doing a course, either something traditional like Ou, or 'modern' via eg skillshare where you learn all sorts of new things.

If you were to talk about a contentious rural issue - hunting, rewilding, river pollution from chicken farms etc, would people spar with you then?

Honestly, if I were you I would move back to the city. I live in a semi-rural location and go in to the city as often as I can to get that stimulus.

I guess you could try setting up your own discussion group and see if anyone comes. If not, you may just have to accept you won't find your people there.

TheSpottedZebra
thank you !

And re contentious issues .. many responses would meet with the response ( inna good humoured ,! But .. meaning it , way.. “ oh shut up and have a drink ) ..

How about online studying in something that involves debate - philosophy, literature, art history, etc.?

YeahmetooJill .. what do you do in the city to meet that side of things .. i used to join in debates with lecturers and academics I knew - or eaves drop ! Or sit innthe theatre bar .. or just talk to people / friiendsnabout their jobs / life .

Hooray.. yes.. that sounds idea .. I love ethics too .

I live very rurally and we have an historical society. It’s filled with doctors, lawyers, teachers etc so lots of interesting conversations to be had. Maybe you could start something like that if there isn’t one locally.

Do you have any hobbies, where you can get chatting to people outside the pub environment?. I ride and have the most interesting, varied and stimulating conversations, whilst hacking out with friends.

If you lived in London, you’d happily spend 30-60 min on the tube travelling to get to something fun. Maybe travel further afield?

But I know what you mean, I’m in a cultural desert too 👀 all I can really suggest is book club, or starting a writing group, or joining the local amateur dramatics grouo.

Op you need to join the parish council!!!
You won't be short of challenging debates there 😂
Seriously though, village people enjoy life in a different way. Most really don't care about gender issues or even politics - it is seen as bad taste here to go on about contentious issues and I would guard against keep trying to provoke 'debate' no doubt you will be chalked up quickly as the argumentative woman from xx Life is too short to bang on about the ills of the world, people here are very well educated so look to relax at the end of the day socially and have fun.

Also I imagine you need to show some interest on what does matter to the people around you.

😂 I bet you’re coming across as a right snob and people are giving you the bum-swerve.

I live in a rural coastal community and incomers seem to think we all chase cars and lick windows.

we’ve people who speak 5 languages, concert pianists, recording artists and rocket scientists.

or maybe we’re just yokels and can’t hold conversation.

I moved from the city about 12 years ago, before kids.

titilating conversation: I talk to my colleagues (we’re scientists) and I talk to my husband. That’s it. All my neighbours want to talk about is parking, planning permission and red kites. Oh and last week the barman in the village pub told me an incredibly detailed story about his girlfriend cheating on him. Thought I might actually die of boredom.

Love the space we get, love the country air, love the views. Tolerate the people.

I’m on mat leave at the moment and just watching a lot of Gilmore Girls reading highly intellectual books. 👀

@Hooverphobe 😂😂 I didn’t see your post before I posted.

I’m an aeronautical scientist (a rocket scientist) and now I feel like a right knobber. 😂😂

But @Hooverphobe wasn’t the OP making the point that because her new community is very small people are wary of exposing their views on serious matters? There may well be rocket scientists and Pulitzer Prize winning writers and life-saving surgeons amongst them, but they are disinclined to engage in debate in the local environment.

Theres plenty of “deep discussion”, but nobody likes a hoity-toity argumentative snob.

they’re telling her to get a drink in the hope her sphincter will relax and she might turn out to be ok.

Kissingfrogs25
thank you so much for your explanation about how rural folk tend to socialise differently and pointing out that it is seen as bad taste to talk about certain issues!
I didnt know it was considered that way-!but it all makes perfect sense now !! ( why is it the case I wonder?) .
In the city , it was almost a pre requisite to talk about certain things to signal to people or something .. so its the reverse here!
.. penny dropped !

To the person who said I may come across as a snob . No , not at all. I was simply missing a connection / conversational style it seems .. and besides I have a right laugh in the pub .. it was more about missing connections. i can learn about different ways .

I am not a snob - if you knew me you would see how i really am not .

I am not sure you have met the right people yet! I have a friend lives on a farm a couple of fields away and we swap books, talk politics over tea. I travel to the theatre, I volunteered and met loads of different people. It can take time to find your tribe but I bet there are lots of local groups or adult education courses you could try. I did silver smithing once. I also go swimming and meet all sorts. You may need to try and move on from the pub

I lived in London for years and we would speak about everything at dinner parties, here literally no one would ever mention brexit/PM/political party/gender issues you can literally hear a pin drop. You can't assume you live in an echo chamber in the country, unlike certain parts of N. London where everyone sings from the same song sheet, and much of it is virtual signalling if you don't mind me saying.

It took me a while to realise it was really frowned upon. Those topics are for private family dinner tables only, where people can be as offensive and forthright as they like or otherwise.

The desire to avoid contentious issues comes from not wishing to fall out with your fellow villagers/neighbours given you all live together in a very small place and in relative close proximity is my general understanding. If villagers had conversations like that all the time it would put a strain on cohesion. Mostly I hear about the subjects that pull people together, uniting against a new housing estate or planning permission for a new unsightly wall etc etc. It is not stimulating, but it means everyone can live side by side for decades with no issues.

I have a close set of tight knit friends and we do talk about this stuff, but only with each other. It sounds like you need a good set of friends like that enjoy talking about the same subjects. I am sure they are there somewhere!

You might find rural living isn't for you if you are used to going to post theatre dinners and gatherings and having intellectual debates. I have never seen that here but I have seen some strong views on the bus services being cancelled and the lack of frost!!