Jealousy | Mumsnet

Topgub · 2022-10-31T10:50:19+00:00

Are you a jealous person? Envious? I think it can be a fairly natural human emotion but can obviously lead to problems if it gets out of hand What I find more fascinating is being accused of jealousy. It seems to be the go to put down when folk run out of arguments. They can't seem to fathom that other people don't want or like what they like so they must be jealous but also in denial It's most commonly used in conversations about wealth and being a sahm. I dont like designer = you're just jealous. Don't like range rovers = jealous! Don't want to be a sahm = jealous and bitter!

NCFT0922 · 31/10/2022 10:53

No, I wouldn’t say I’m a jealous person. Nor do I think many people are actually jealous. Maybe wish for something another has but I wouldn’t call it full on jealously which is quite a big thing to feel.

Original poster

Topgub · 31/10/2022 10:54

I didnt mean to put the vote on and don't know how to remove it!

OP posts:

NCFT0922 · 31/10/2022 10:54

posted too soon as I also wanted to say; I do think sometimes when people aren’t happy in their own lives and others have things much easier / better, it can be very easy to pull others down to make themselves feel better.
Again, I wouldn’t call this jealously. More unhappiness and maybe bitter too.

BagOfBollocks · 31/10/2022 10:54

No, I've never been a jealous person and I'm pretty happy with my lot.

"She's just jealous hun" seems to be the lazy 'go to' reply on most social media though, including Mumsnet.

TartanGirl1 · 31/10/2022 11:14

If you told me you were away to go on holiday I would say oh so jealous. But it's not really a negative jealous just would rather be lying by a pool just now.

The accusations of jealousy in MN etc to people with different opinions is tedious tbh. Just people shutting down others opinion because they can't debate the point.

LBFseBrom · 31/10/2022 15:35

I haven't felt jealous about anyone or anything since I was a child. It was an unpleasant emotion then.

My mother was a very jealous woman and it upset me terribly.

ancientgran · 31/10/2022 15:40

If someone is happy/excited about say their new Range Rover and another person says "I don't like Range Rovers." I can't see the need. Say "how lovely" or "that's nice." I would probably think they'd got an issue, maybe jealousy, if they felt the need to piss on your parade.

PeachPies · 31/10/2022 15:44

YANBU

it often says more about the person accusing others of being jealous than anything else

I thought the same when reading that Housewife thread last night, people being so sure the only reason people have issues with being a SAHP is jealousy. It’s like they can’t understand the massive downsides and that many people would be disappointed if their kids decided to do nothing with their lives and live off someone else

AMorningstar · 31/10/2022 15:52

A TAAT.

I don't think people are jealous if they enjoy different things to me. I think they may be if they have to be nasty and critical towards people who have different priorities in life.

Your range rover example - it's not jealous to not want one, but if you constantly have to talk about how people with range rovers aren't all that and how you hate range rovers, I might wonder why you're so obsessed.

AMorningstar · 31/10/2022 15:53

ancientgran · 31/10/2022 15:40

If someone is happy/excited about say their new Range Rover and another person says "I don't like Range Rovers." I can't see the need. Say "how lovely" or "that's nice." I would probably think they'd got an issue, maybe jealousy, if they felt the need to piss on your parade.

This is it. It's not the difference of opinion but the pissing on the parade.

TartanGirl1 · 31/10/2022 16:19

AMorningstar · 31/10/2022 15:52

A TAAT.

I don't think people are jealous if they enjoy different things to me. I think they may be if they have to be nasty and critical towards people who have different priorities in life.

Your range rover example - it's not jealous to not want one, but if you constantly have to talk about how people with range rovers aren't all that and how you hate range rovers, I might wonder why you're so obsessed.

Or inspired by?

Surely there is no difference to this and your thread that was inspired by comments on another thread or people saying that they would be devastated if their kids were SAHP?

CulturePigeon · 31/10/2022 17:48

Totally agree, Tobgub.

I get really tired of the pathetic accusation of jealousy when in fact, I just don't like something. I've got many faults, but I'm not very materialistic - not much of a consumer - and don't depend on consumer goods for my sense of identity. I really, really don't feel jealous people for their cars, kitchens, clothes or jewellery.

But I can be envious (if that's different?) of someone's situation - eg their interesting job, having freedom to pursue a hobby such as art etc, or of people's achievements - say someone were to get a PhD or win a big prize for writing. I would feel envy then - but not in a mean way - I'd just like to be them.

It's so annoying when people judge you by their own standards and assume that, because they would be jealous of someone's big car, you must be too.

Cw112 · 31/10/2022 17:59

I would say I'm jealous in so much as jealous is just a natural part of being human. I think the difference is how people choose to manage or express that jealousy when they have it. I would say that I'm good at being content with my life and the things/people/experiences in it and I can separate my own sadness from others happiness when i need to. I'm able to make sure my jealousy doesn't control me and when I have it I recognise it as normal and reflect on why I'm feeling it and if it warrants a response. So I'd say yes I'm jealous as is everyone but I handle it in a healthy way? For me jealousy is only bad if its dealt with unhealthily same as anger or any other strong emotion.

Ekátn · 31/10/2022 18:09

I used to be quite a jealous person, mainly because my life was pretty shit. But I actively worked on not being. Every time I felt envious, I reframed it to be happy for the person and remind myself of how lucky I have been. It’s made me feel better.

I do think that ‘you are just jealous’ can be used flippantly. I find it really odd to assume people don’t want the same things to be down to jealousy.

However, I also don’t understand people who put down things that other people are doing or have. Like people said above if you reaction to someone buying a Range Rover is ‘ugh why would you? they are awful’ that’s not just a different of opinion. That’s actively being rude and trying to put someone down and there’s a motive other than just not liking them.

Even when I would feel envious of people I wouldn’t try and ruin it for them.

SpookabooAtTheZoo · 31/10/2022 18:14

AMorningstar · 31/10/2022 15:52

A TAAT.

I don't think people are jealous if they enjoy different things to me. I think they may be if they have to be nasty and critical towards people who have different priorities in life.

Your range rover example - it's not jealous to not want one, but if you constantly have to talk about how people with range rovers aren't all that and how you hate range rovers, I might wonder why you're so obsessed.

All of this. Literally no one on the other thread called you jealous OP yet you insisted they were for some odd reason and clearly you still haven’t let it go. Have you considered taking up knitting?

mamabear715 · 31/10/2022 18:20

Haven't got a jealous bone in my body, & very thankful.
Terrible emotion.

shedwithivy · 31/10/2022 18:22

Is envy and jealousy the same thing?

shedwithivy · 31/10/2022 18:23

To me jealousy seems more personal iykwim, envy more abstract?

Tabasco007 · 31/10/2022 18:27

Ekátn · 31/10/2022 18:09

I used to be quite a jealous person, mainly because my life was pretty shit. But I actively worked on not being. Every time I felt envious, I reframed it to be happy for the person and remind myself of how lucky I have been. It’s made me feel better.

I do think that ‘you are just jealous’ can be used flippantly. I find it really odd to assume people don’t want the same things to be down to jealousy.

However, I also don’t understand people who put down things that other people are doing or have. Like people said above if you reaction to someone buying a Range Rover is ‘ugh why would you? they are awful’ that’s not just a different of opinion. That’s actively being rude and trying to put someone down and there’s a motive other than just not liking them.

Even when I would feel envious of people I wouldn’t try and ruin it for them.

This is an interesting way of looking at it, as I was going to post that normally I am not a jealous person, but more recently things haven't been so great for me and I have found myself feeling jealous and bitter - it's not been pleasant. I'll try and reframe and hope that I can turn my own life around and find the positives...