For not keeping DS off school?

6 replies

teyox71150 · 31/10/2022 10:14

DS is 15, year 10. He has ADHD and anxiety and did go through a period in year 8&9 where he was refusing to go to school due to him being too anxious, school was supportive and he's currently on a reduced timetable and it's been built up so this week he's due to start at 11. He's only had 4 days off since September, which isn't ideal but it was due to illness.

He always struggles going back after half term anyway and he always has, so I knew he'd refuse today, he has refused as his girlfriend broke up with him yesterday so he's obviously upset. DP has said I should keep him off school today and not send him in as I should be sympathetic, which I am but I don't think I should keep him off as that might set up a habit

But AIBU?

OP posts:

Keyansier · 31/10/2022 10:19

You're not being unreasonable but if I was in that situation I'd have let him stay home

Justcallmebebes · 31/10/2022 10:19

No, I agree with you, he needs to go in or it's the start of a slippery slope

lannistunut · 31/10/2022 10:24

I have older children. My view is that one mistake in either direction will not make much difference, what damages children is parents who refuse to change course in the face of evidence. So if your child comes back OK, you were right. If your child comes back not OK, use that to inform your next decision.

I could have gone either way in your situation - and it depends on the child as an individual.

What I definitely would do is make him a hot chocolate or something when he gets back and give him a big hug (if he will have one) as it must have been tough for him. Tell him you are proud he went in.

You can also tell your DH you are not 100% certain you were right but would like to review with him later after your DS gets home. It is awful when we are not sure.

melj1213 · 31/10/2022 10:52

I would have definitely sent him in - he has a history of school refusal and it's the first day back after the holidays, if you let him stay off then it could have lead to further days off and put his progress back even if his gf has broken up with him.

As another PP said though I think it's important to assess how he is when he comes home and react accordingly. If he's coped with the day and just needs some support then he can keep going in; but if he's not coped at all then allow him to have tomorrow off if he asks.

PeekAtYou · 31/10/2022 10:54

I like @lannistunut 's answer with the hot choc idea.
I would send him in but give him lots of praise for going in on an extra tough day.

Pinkflipflop85 · 31/10/2022 10:56

Sending him in is the right thing to do.

Flip