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Original poster

She wants to be friends

8 replies

MBK456 · 31/10/2022 00:16

DD1 was born during lockdown 1 so I couldn’t meet people in person or attend baby groups etc. and I really, really struggled. When DD2 was born earlier this year I made a real effort this time to get out and meet some more parents. I live in a small town where options are quite limited and there’s a lot of the same faces at each playgroup & baby/ toddler class. Lots of the mums meet up for coffee or pram walks quite frequently too.

One woman keeps asking me for individual meet ups and is getting a little arsey and sulky if I don’t make separate time for her. The problem is, I have really tried but we simply don’t have much to talk about in a one on one situation. We have been for coffee, walks, to the park and a soft play date with the babies and our older DC but as much as I try, the conversation just runs dry.
I have suggested we invite others along but she still makes a beeline for me and she continues to ask for individual time on top of that as well.

I really don’t want to hurt her feelings but I feel burdened by her constant demands on my time. How can I best address this without causing undue awkwardness or tension?

OP posts:
1000yellowdaisies · 31/10/2022 00:24

Hmm I don't know if you can really address it with her in a nice way... you feel like you havent really clicked with her but she still obviously wants to spend time with you. However you said it it would be hurtful to say that you don't want that. I would just gently keep giving her the brush off, say you are busy etc and she'll take the hint eventually....

Addicted2LoveIsland · 31/10/2022 00:27

I would say your schedule is super busy as you have loads of family commitments at the moment and you really only have time for group activities but when you're free for a one on one you'll definitely let her know. For now at least let it will be nice to see her in the group setting.

LakeIsle48 · 31/10/2022 00:34

Go ahead and invite others to the group. Nobody owns the group chat. Ignore her attitude and say or do whatever you want to say. You and that woman are not compatible. Just brazen it out, ignore her and chat away. It's about 28 years ago when my kids were in play groups but even then I just hooked up with people I was chatty with. Don't bother your head trying to fit in with people you don't gel with. Walk away, chat with friendly people. Seriously, just say I don't do individual time and go and chat to other people. Just brazen it out if your nervous! Let us know how you get on!

Original poster
MBK456 · 31/10/2022 07:56

Thanks for the responses.

I have tried gently brushing her off and telling her I'm just too busy is my go to (and is often the truth), but it doesn't stop her asking over and over again. It also means I then feels stressed about being seen to spend any time with others if the opportunity allows.

I guess my main issue is I've tried everything I can think of to get the hint across and it simply isn't working. She is polite and pleasant for the most part so I don't want to get to the point of hurting feelings but at the same time she is stressing me out

OP posts:
billy1966 · 31/10/2022 07:59

"arsey and sulky".....red flag that I certainly wouldn't ignore.

She has zero entitlement to your time.

Once you said you were busy that should have been enough.

I would avoid such a pushy person.

dudsville · 31/10/2022 08:15

You can't avoid making this awkward and hurting her feelings, and you can't stop her asking for your time. Would the "grey rock" ideas help you? Google will have a better list than i can replicate here.

It's awkward. I was politely avoiding one guy who was keen to meet up. When he saw me meeting up with other people he said "so you do socialise". I said i do, I'm just keeping my world small - i was always clear that it wasn't because i was busy but because i made a lifestyle choice to do less. To which he replied "so i didn't make the cut" and i just said i wouldn't have worded it that way. He still rings me on birthdays and Christmases, sends presents and cards. I never pick up and i don't reciprocate. What i am to him is far more then what he is to me but there's nothing more i can do to help him learn this.

hellosunshineagainxxx · 31/10/2022 08:36

dudsville · 31/10/2022 08:15

You can't avoid making this awkward and hurting her feelings, and you can't stop her asking for your time. Would the "grey rock" ideas help you? Google will have a better list than i can replicate here.

It's awkward. I was politely avoiding one guy who was keen to meet up. When he saw me meeting up with other people he said "so you do socialise". I said i do, I'm just keeping my world small - i was always clear that it wasn't because i was busy but because i made a lifestyle choice to do less. To which he replied "so i didn't make the cut" and i just said i wouldn't have worded it that way. He still rings me on birthdays and Christmases, sends presents and cards. I never pick up and i don't reciprocate. What i am to him is far more then what he is to me but there's nothing more i can do to help him learn this.

What a creepy guy

dudsville · 31/10/2022 09:48

Haha, he is creepy. He's an exh of nearly two decades ago. Problem is we tried to be friends after the split, I wasn't thinking clearly - I left him and felt responsible for him. When I learned the nature of the dynamic I was locked into I removed myself, but he's not yet let go.

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