Life is too short to waste obsessing over diets and the numbers on the scales

[Pollyarna]

I'm not referring to people who's health is suffering or at risk of suffering due to morbid obesity, but the folk who teeter around the normal BMI or are perhaps just slightly overweight but not by much - and are constantly obsessing about dieting.

I have a friend like it. She's always fasting and restricting what she eats even though she openly talks about how she hates 'fast' days. I've known her for 15 years and she has never, ever been what I would consider overweight or even close to.

We went for lunch last week and she was aghast that I put two tiny sachets of sugar in my tea after having a pudding. I felt a bit embarrassed having a torch shone on my diet like that and felt a little shamed. I promptly gave my head a wobble and said that actually I'm not too focused on my sugar intake as I hardly binge or ear in excess and couldn't be bothered with all of that faffing about fretting about every tea spoon of sugar I digest.

Full disclosure, I'm probably around a stone overweight but perfectly happy with how I look and I'm reasonably healthy.

AIBU to think life is too short for that crap?

I mean yeah life is too short to obsess over anything.

But that's different to wanting to watch your weight isn't it? If you don't want to watch yours that's also fine.

Each to their own.

Each time their own.

Who cares eh!

She's always fasting and restricting what she eats

…

I've known her for 15 years and she has never, ever been what I would consider overweight or even close to.

the two statements are probably not unrelated @Pollyarna

🙄

I think each to their own, although at the moment I'm usually on a up and down diet depending on yellow stickers at the supermarket.
That said I don't micromanage my food

A stone over the already broad BMI guidelines is a constant strain on your heart, lungs, cardiovascular system bones and ligaments.

There is a middle ground of health which is a very strong indicator of the years of quality life you have left to enjoy. For most people remaining in that requires some conscious choices but not obsessing.

It sounds like you felt judged or lectured by your friend, which is never nice.

I generally agree but its that thinking that has gotten me to obese. It can be dangerous too, I need to cut back to be healthy.

You don't have to be morbidly obese to suffer health effects, even being a couple of stone overweight can cause problems, like myself so perhaps she needs to watch her diet, she shouldn't pass judgment on you though.

I’m not massively overweight, but I do watch my diet and calorie count most days, I have been much bigger and I feel disgusting being that big.
No one else should comment on your diet, but she’s not wrong for wanting to watch hers.

Life literally will be shorter if you don’t keep to a healthy weight/eating habits etc

Some fair points made.

I should have probably included the fact that my extra stone or thereabouts is a result of pregnancy and not stuffing my face. I have an 8mo and it is coming off, slowly and naturally, I'm just not going to make myself miserable eating 800 calories a few times a week to speed it up.

I did feel a bit judged and in the past have wondered if all the talk of dieting, calorie counting, fasting etc was intended to cajole me into losing weight myself 😐

A spoonful of sugar is only 23 calories FFS.

It's difficult I had a friend who really struggled with weight & in order to be slim they had to really restrict themselves. It got to the point where I couldn't eat out with her as everywhere was "bad". She was always moaning about my food choices too as apparently I shouldn't eat carbs around her etc. It's actually pretty boring to be around that if you yourself enjoy food.

Indeed. I was really shocked that she'd pick up on it like that and I got a little 'lighthearted' lecture about it.

I've never paid much mind to her dieting and fasting until now and I'll be honest I was feeling a tad defensive.

Life is too short to be one of those people that’s always on a diet then binging then on a diet and as a result is just losing and gaining the same 5/7/14lbs over and over again.

life isn’t too short to overall make healthier and better choices and actually be healthier, not just slimmer.

but also people are healthier if they’re not stressed so if you’re happy living how you live then that’s fine, tell your friend to mind her business next time. But I imagine it’s more about her own shock / envy that you aren’t following the same rules she feels she has to, rather than anything to do with you.

sounds like you’re making actual change, slowly, rather than what your friends doing

I'm a healthy weight (just) because I manage it to within a healthy zone. I have phases of being more mindful about my choices and phases of rolling with life. That said, I don't obsess over it. Most of my choices are made in the supermarket, and I'd just enjoy going out. I wouldn't comment on my choices or those of others.

Managing and awareness isn't a bad thing.
Obsessing, commenting and stressing over minor treats in the grand scheme of things isn't a healthy approach.

I like my body. It's done some bloody wonderful things. It's made and fed babies. It runs long distances. I want to look after it and treat it kindly.

It doesn't really matter what caused you to be a stone overweight. The fact is it's up to you whether you choose to lose it or ignore it. That's your choice, just as watching her weight is your friend's choice.

I think both of you are judging each other to be honest.

Trouble is if you ignore the stone overweight, before you know it, it’ll be 2stones, then 3!

That's partly true but I never, ever paid any mind to her diet until she shamed me for mine.

This isn't me coming from a place of judgement, not really, it's me feemjng defensive if anything.

This.

And this is where I suddenly find myself after being all “I eat whatever I want and love myself for it” etc. I got some new scales last week and weighed myself and my BMI is 31. I am horrified. I knew I’d put on a bit of weight, I’ve always been very slim in the past but kept saying to myself I look fine, it’s only a bit, it doesn’t matter. And here I am. Classed as obese. And it’s horrible and now I have 3 stone to lose instead of just a bit.

I wish I’d been more careful. I’m worried about my health - I’m already disabled due to various autoimmune diseases- and now I have to drastically diet to lose weight as I’m limited to what exercise I can do.

Don’t be like me. Be sensible, enjoy treats etc but be very aware if you start putting on weight.

We went for lunch last week and she was aghast that I put two tiny sachets of sugar in my tea after having a pudding. I felt a bit embarrassed having a torch shone on my diet like that and felt a little shamed. I promptly gave my head a wobble and said that actually I'm not too focused on my sugar intake as I hardly binge or ear in excess and couldn't be bothered with all of that faffing about fretting about every tea spoon of sugar I digest.

I've never thought to comment on what someone else eats or weighs. Never calorie counted and never been on a diet.

And I honestly think that's because I didn't have any female family members growing up. I remember having dinner at my friends houses when I was younger and being confused when their mums commented that they shouldn't eat any more bread etc because they'd had enough carbs. Or "when I was your age I weighed 7 stone or was a size 6". And now that we're older and having our own babies, the same friends comment and joke about their babies being fat etc.

I'm not saying that it's womens fault; society has made so many of us feel like it's acceptable to comment or police what other women eat.

It sounds twisted, but I consider it one of the silver linings of growing up without a mum. Don't get me wrong, it's shit and I feel real pangs of jealousy seeing my friends with their mums, but at least I have body confidence and a healthy relationship with food 😅

I've just done my NHS BMI calculator and whilst I am in the overweight category, just, it's saying I should lose 8lbs and not 1 stone + so that's something I suppose.

10 years or so ago I was really quite unwell with malnutrition. I had hypermesis for the entirety of my first pregnancy and by the time baby was born I had been surviving on such little food (because everything came back up - not intentionally) I actually struggled to eat properly for around 1 year postpartum. I suppose it would be considered an eating disorder, even though it was unintentional and came about as a result of a health problem.

I hated being so thin and looking as skeletal as I did. This friend actually expressed concern at one point, so I just feel like it was a bit shitty to shame me like that when these days I'm a million times healthier than I was then and have a good relationship with food.

The irony is she drinks a shit load of booze and does so most days and there are many more calories in a bottle of red wine than there is in my cuppa with 2 sugars 😐

I completely agree, I m overweight, I wear a size 14/16 and I am 5 ft 10. However I spent the whole of my 20s trapped in anorexia and bulimia and I would rather wear a size 16 than risk passing my disordered eating onto my teenage daughter. I recovered from bulimia around ten years ago but then spent five years doing slimming world, weight watchers, juice plus, etc etc and losing and regaining the same 2 stone in six month cycles. Five years ago I decided life was too short, I eat whatever I want and my weight has been the same since 2017.
So whilst my weight isn’t ideal I d rather be a 16 with a sensible attitude to food than a 10 throwing up every single meal. My daughter is a healthy weight for her height, has a great attitude towards food and never ever says she’s fat and I m sure it’s because we don’t have scales and I never ever moan about my size.

And an excess of 23 calories per day works out at a weight gain of 9kg over a decade. Many people would prefer to forego that spoonful of sugar each day and not put on a stone and a half over the period.

YANBU. And people who talk about their diets, never mind yours, are colossal bores.

Who said its an excess though? I don't drink anywhere near the amount of sugary tea required to take me well over my daily recommended calorie intake.