To be totally exhausted?

[Amonkeyateatree]

Currently working double shifts (12 hrs mon - fri) at work as we need the money. 2 DC (teens). DH works FT.
I've not sat down all weekend. Food shop delivery & put away/car repairs/buying school stuff/tidying house/clearing up dishwasher leak/seeing parents (who moaned I don't see them enough)/seeing friends (who I've been promising to drop in on for weeks)/sorting DC/carving pumpkins/second food shop (for bits not arrived in the first food shop)/washing/covid vaccination
I'm beyond shattered. And my home to do list is huge. DH never sees any of it that needs doing and when I ask him he says it doesn't need Doing (nope, we don't need to have DC school blazer mended and yes we can live in a shit hole)
It all starts again tomorrow with another 12 hour shift. Moaned at by parents for not seeing them enough. Hints from some friends that I don't see them enough. Expectations from other friends to drop everything to see them.
Had my 3rd vaccination today. I hope I'm ill from it tomorrow and can spend the day in bed ! I was ill with the other 2.

At 13 years old, I had to clean the bathroom and empty the waste paper bins (once a week for both, on a Saturday, before I was allowed to meet with friends). I had to help lay and clear the table, wash up and put my washing away.

My dad has never ‘helped’ - he did his fair share of all household chores.

You need to get the kids involved and you also need to lose your shit at your husband.

I often feel like this too. The problem with stepping off the treadmill is that you then have more to catch up on.

So I guess the options are:

1. Get others to do some of it

I now have 4 hoovers. Started with 1 but then I wanted an upstairs one to save time. Then I got £30 Amazon ones- small and black Henry style one for the older kids rooms. It’s much quicker and they can do their own room and the landing/younger siblings room.
So the same with polish etc- if I have to do a big clean I dole out kit and assign areas. I run a really tight ship and they get 10 minute breaks when I say. They might even make us a coffee for these breaks. I’ve made mine help since they were tiny.
Consider a cleaner- even if fortnightly.
Bins should not be your job!

1. Simplify what you do currently

Eg less homemade stuff, quicker meals

Also my 9 year old made eggy bread and macaroni cheese from (making a white sauce and adding cheese) without any help this weekend. He uses the kettle and hob and empties the pasta totally on his own. Next weekend I’m going to teach him how to make a sausage tray bake and apple crumble (vaguely bonfire night themed). If either of yours like cooking, let them.

You have a dh problem, you are doing the work of two people.
Stay in bed tomorrow regardless of how you feel after the vaccine, and figure out how you can offload on him, and if you can't you really would be better off alone with him doing 50% of the childcare, from a health and well being POV this man is running you into the ground and some.

You are doing more than your fair share of work. It is normal for parents to be tired - but it is not normal for one parent to do all the work whilst secondary-age kids and partner do too little.

You need to address this problem - your DH sounds completely out of order.