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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Why do people have to be so nasty?!

7 replies

Redruby2020 · 30/10/2022 17:35

I put this under AIBU because i sometimes post things and have put under other categories and they barely get seen.

I remember reading a post on this not so long ago, and had to join in as it was so relevant to me. So I have always been big since a child so many things that could be said as to the whole situation, but basically since childhood to now I have lost count of the endless looks comments/rather-insults I have received about my weight.
About ten years ago I lost quite a lot as I went through a bad depression, I was smaller than I am now, so it obviously made more of a difference too. Then prior to that when I tried a few diet changes and was on Metformin having been diagnosed with PCOS, lost 3st.
Over the last ten years it has piled on again partly due to age and hormones I believe, also issues I have with food and what makes me eat more etc. I started eating late at night since I had my DC in 2018. Often junk as my relaxation/comfort time, then out of habit and obviously my body get used to that. I have also been on antidepressants and that has definantly made me put on weight. I have been back to the doctor and am in the middle of sorting it all out. I have also asked about going back on the Metformin, waiting to hear about this.

So when I have child free time I struggle to want to go out thoughts and anxiety often take over and plus that I often like some rest time etc. So I pushed myself ti go for a long walk today 1/2 way through you know once you are walking for a while your mind wanders, and I wasn't really focusing on the exact people in front of me, so a few were coming towards me we passed one another one guy that moved to my left to go past as he moved it made me look up and he was on his phone, well he certainly hadn't been looking at me in disgust lol, when as we passed one another he said what and said the word in Turkish that means fat, I said what do you mean what he said fat, like giving me the translation, well I didn't need it, well he got a right mouthful off of me when really I would have liked to say to him oh sorry, what's the word for ugly in Turkish? Because he certainly won't be getting many takers.
What is it with people especially men who do this and think it is okay?! There are times in the past where I would want to just burst in to tears but I have to reason with myself and remind myself that lol I know I'm fat I don't need him to let me know, and what someone must be like to have that in them to do that 🤦‍♀️ I think many things as i walk along the street but i would never say it.
Then I start thinking right I've got to lose weight etc and then think well don't just think like that because of what others say, as there is also the issue that one can get criticism and then when you are doing well, you also get it. Then I've known people lose loads of weight, and get called horrible names, and this would mortify me to think I had done all that hard work and someone does that.

I only one one of very few things I found one lot of the antidepressants helpful with, and that was desensitising me to not give a s* at times. It is so hard, but then I remember seeing a weight loss video on TikTok and it was about losing it was hard, but then being fat etc is hard, that is true and it's that mindset I try to keep when I can.

OP posts:
user29 · 30/10/2022 18:17

Well i have been fat for over20 years and nobody has ever said anything like that to me. Literally no once. I think it must be more to do with the confidence with which one carries oneself

Vaccine001 · 30/10/2022 18:44

Lots of comments about my big size I have received over the years. I may try anti depressants, do they reduce appetite? Aswell as reduce negative self talk)

howdoesatoastermaketoast · 30/10/2022 18:54

I think that there is a more general and widespread problem in our society about women being judged on their appearance and being taught to judge themselves on their appearance (on occasion).

I think that people certainly say shitty things and are very judgey on occasion. Some of it is I think it's a kind of bullying -

by which I mean a pattern of interactions designed to make the bullied individual feel powerless, and lesser and the bully feel powerful, in control of the situation and better about themselves. It gives the bully a self esteem 'hit' at the expense of the other person.

Redruby2020 · 30/10/2022 21:23

user29 · 30/10/2022 18:17

Well i have been fat for over20 years and nobody has ever said anything like that to me. Literally no once. I think it must be more to do with the confidence with which one carries oneself

Oh thanks lol if only I'd known all those years, lucky you then. As I said there has been posts on this type of thing a few times. I think I attract it, plus I've had it off of men who liked me too (sick) or they feel inferior or something, we both caught eyes and maybe he felt put out so oh yeah she's fat let's use that. Had I not been I wonder what he would have said 🤔

OP posts:
Redruby2020 · 30/10/2022 21:25

Vaccine001 · 30/10/2022 18:44

Lots of comments about my big size I have received over the years. I may try anti depressants, do they reduce appetite? Aswell as reduce negative self talk)

Sorry to hear that you have experienced it too.
No what I was saying is that the anti depressants have made me put on more, I know because my weight was the same for a long while. The first lot were good at the beginning plus gave me more energy but that wore off. And I had some bad side effects so they said i would need to change to another one instead, well these are the ones where I've piled on more weight, still got to sit it out for a little while as the doctor says it's not been long enough 🤦‍♀️

OP posts:
Redruby2020 · 30/10/2022 21:25

howdoesatoastermaketoast · 30/10/2022 18:54

I think that there is a more general and widespread problem in our society about women being judged on their appearance and being taught to judge themselves on their appearance (on occasion).

I think that people certainly say shitty things and are very judgey on occasion. Some of it is I think it's a kind of bullying -

by which I mean a pattern of interactions designed to make the bullied individual feel powerless, and lesser and the bully feel powerful, in control of the situation and better about themselves. It gives the bully a self esteem 'hit' at the expense of the other person.

I agree!

OP posts:
DrManhattan · 30/10/2022 22:29

Some people are just nasty. I think if it's not someone I would take advice from why would I listen to anything they say.
Don't be afraid to call people out on their bullshit

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