To really hate my husband?

[ARoomofOnesOwn222]

We have a baby of seven months and since she was born, I hate my husband. Like really hate. Filled with rage, seething hate. We've been married for 15 years and I always thought I loved him unconditionally, but now he just makes me so angry.

He behaves like a kid all the time. He can't seem to have a rational discussion about parenting choices, turning everything into a childish argument. He thinks he deserves a medal for looking after the baby twice a week on his own even though the house is disgusting after a day because he does no clearing up. He doesn't clean or think it's important to clean anything apart from dishes and cutlery. And it's just his general behaviour and way of talking, like the way he claims to be so tired even though it's me who has been awake all night with the baby.

YABU - it's new parenthood stress and will pass.
yANBU - you married a man-child and have only just noticed/men are just generally shitheads and you didn't notice before

Without more info and seeing both sides it’s difficult to say. You will be seriously sleep deprived (I’m not rational then). You will be getting your affection need/oxytocin hit from your baby not your husband. It also sounds like your husband is been a bit of a man child.

The book how not to hate your husband after kids is good for both of you to read. I wouldn’t recommend any rash decisions in the first year after having a baby but it’s obviously perfectly fine to tell him to quit whinging and start pulling his weight.

Did he become lazy all of sudden after 15 years? It can't be a 7 month old child causing the house to be dirty.

You have had 14 years to discuss your views on parenting before having a child, although the reality of having a child is quite different than discussing a hypothetical child.

You say that you hate him, and in truth he probably may feel quite differently about you. You see him as a man child; he may see you as disorganized. The responsibility for a new life can be stress producing for both parents.

As a couple, you should consider going to see a family therapist to discuss your adjustment issues and maybe even hiring a cleaning service for a weekly clean.

Why is the house so dirty? A baby doesn't create much more need than two adults and I'm assuming it wasn't dirty before? Are you just less tolerant of it now?
I was a bit like this for a few months with DH after DS was born, looking back he was working full time, would come straight in and take over baby duty, would wipe down wash up etc, put laundry on between shifts and give me every Saturday morning to myself while he took DS out so I could sleep, wallow in the bath, whatever I wanted. He offered to take turns on nights but I was BF. He offered to cook but I wanted to do it so I could have some time to do something without a baby clinging to me (and catch up on the archers). I also look back at photos and the house was much tidier than it was with a toddler and me back at work full time, but I didn't see it then.
I think for me some of it was sleep deprivation and hormones.
OTOH your husband might be a lazy slob. Try and be as objective as possible or get someone who knows you both well to tell you the truth.

For a year after each of my kids were born I absolutely hated my husband. I couldn’t even look at him, because it made me so angry - I called it “The Rage”. It took me a long time to realise that I had been suffering from PND - I never knew that intense anger could be a symptom. Not saying this is the case for you, but it’s just a thought!

If all was well for 15 years prior... I think we can safely call this one as YABU - it's new parenthood stress and will pass.

I had this I remember one day seeing him off to work with a burning desire he would get hit by a bus and wouldn't come back as I fucking hated him
Frequently felt he was a bloody inconvenience and I just wanted him to fuck off and let me get on with life with my baby. Wasnt fair he did plenty for us.
It was hormones and passed

Sounds normal to me.

The house is so dirty because when he cooks, he doesn't clean up. When the baby eats, he makes a huge mess that my husband doesn't clean up. I come home and he's napped with the baby and there are three baby plates,.a ton of flies, and chucked food all over the floor. The kitchen is also a riot of flour, eggs, etc.

He has always been messy but he's only had to clear up after himself. Him and a baby (who is quite s give and mobile) create a ton of mess that he doesn't clean up.

Hi newbie here. Where to start? I am looking to here other people’s stories of being in a loveless marriage ( my side) with a child involved

You need to start your own thread, rather than hijack this one, I think?

Your post also sounds like you're a journalist.

Thank you!