Aibu to go to bed every time i get an hour off?

[Blackeyesbluetears]

I'm exhausted.

I suffer daily violence from my nearly six year old child. I'm just broken. I do everything I need to do but am not quite able to support him in the way he needs.

I'm an active, outgoing person and want to experience life more but I just need that switch off and energy boost.

What can i do? I'm just back in bed now for an hour

It sounds really tough. What's going on with your son?

I don't think you're being unreasonable to go to bed every chance you get, but I also don't think it will help or be sustainable long term.

I don't have an answer though. I am in a similar position with one of my children, though the violence isn't physical it is verbal. Relentless verbal violence, where almost everything they say is a put down or an attack on either me or their sibling (so then I try to absorb the impact and turn it around for the sibling). It is exhausting, and I have had periods where all I could do was go to bed and recover.

Long term though, going to bed to recover just fuelled depression. I was either in bed or being attacked. I try to resist the bed now! I think the answer must be to do something constructive (alone!) for a period to reset the brain, but it's hard to get out of the firing line when there are other children around that need care/protection.

Living with a physically or verbally violent child is really really tough. If it was a parent/partner/friend/colleague then there would be external support and understanding to leave and/or report to the police, but because it is from a child we are expected to stay in the abusive environment and help the child to manage their behaviour. IT IS HARD AND IT ABSOLUTELY SUCKS.

So no answers really. But be careful that hiding in bed doesn't sink you into depression.

I don't really know what's going on with him. His emotional regulation is very poor and he's very sensitive to sensory input. He will flip at the seemingly most minor thing. If he's thirsty and I'm folding laundry I will say "sure. I'll get you a drink just as soon as I'm done." He will attack me. He's on the waiting list for an autism assessment. We're one month in to an 18 month wait.

I walk on egg shells 24/7.

Don't get me wrong. He's also a delight. He's well caring and affectionate. He's articulate and curious. He has passions and enjoys time with his brother. But equally he's just awful.

I've just had a quick sleep now and have woken up still exhausted. I don't know how to not be tired.

I wrote to my local Mp about our very long autism waiting list (22 months)

Lo and behold l got an appointment through 6 weeks after contacting her. I’m sorry for all the people l leapedfrog but lm very happy it’s soon.

Maybe try that?

Oh wow. That's incredible. We so desperately need some support. I'm sat with the forms to pay privately but can't summon the energy to fill them in. It's 2k but I'll put it on my credit card. Again I want to apply for DLA but I'm just tired.

He just threatened to throw a box at my head because I told him he wasn't an idiot and I loved him (as he said). And because I reprimanded him for calling me a poo head

I feel like this about my 8 year old DD I was hoping by this age she’d learn better to regulate her emotions. But no she can be happy and playing one minute the next minute she kicks off big time! I’m not sure what help is available. At school she seems to be the perfect student, a bit quiet but then recently won ‘friend of the week’ teachers say she’s diligent and hard-working.

if I try to have a joke with her like a friendly tease she’ll take it the wrong way. Nobody knows what pushes her buttons. My eldest has often said it’s exhausting for her. Especially at night when we’ve had to sing songs, look out of the window, read a book, give a snack…etc etc takes so long to eventually get my youngest to sleep. I’ve found too much screen time affects her behaviour so restrict iPad time. I’ve found opportunities to play and exercise work well in keep her happier. DH walks on eggshells I sometimes let the shit hit the fan as I’m not willing for her not to have boundaries.

I might speak with the school again. I hope you get your assessment OP. PS I do the same on weekends. I came back up to bed and avoid going downstairs!

Oh if we put milk on her weetabix too soon and it’s soggy she won’t eat it!

those are the sort of things

I know I'm definitely not the only one. I just don't know how to gain energy back. I take probiotic, vitamin D and antidepressants. My eating is quite disordered.

I guess I'm just asking if the constant time in bed is OK.

Yes @Blackeyesbluetears if you have the option and need to recharge I say yes, but the other option might be to go for a coffee on your own, or grab a coffee and walk with a friend.

Have you thought about self-referring (or getting the school to refer you) to Children’s Services to see if the Early Help team can give you some support?

I know you have emough external factors to warrant you being exhausted - but have you been checked out to see if there are also medical things going on? Anaemia? Vit B deficiency? Thyroid?

I am guessing your health is down low on your list of priorities - but it maybe worth thinking about mentioning to your GP. And if there is anything else going on such as coldness/hairloss/tinnitus/constipation/dry skin etc.

I have some minor health stuff but am doing ok. They found a growth last year but it's only a polyp. I think I'm physically ok.

I've been punched and kicked and scratched multiple times today. Maybe social services could help. I feel that we spend a lot of time being vocal about our difficulties but no one really listens or does anything to help