To make DS go to this birthday party?

[wau16]

DS is 11, year 7. Yesterday, he was invited to a birthday party from a boy in his form. He told me he doesn't want to go as he doesn't talk to the boy and people think he's weird. He said he'd probably be the only person going and he thinks if his friends find out he went he'd be mocked etc. I explained to him how his attitude isn't nice towards the boy but he's still saying he doesn't want to go.

WIBU to make him go anyway?

I think he's old enough to decide what birthday parties he attends unfortunately.

I'm not sure I'd make him go at age 11 to be honest. I understand it may not be nice for the other boy but I can't see the benefit of forcing your son to go. Sorry.

I’d not force a child of that age to socialise for whatever reason

so YABU

but I’d maybe want to understand a bit more around why this child is considered weird to maybe see if I could engage my child in evaluating whether they should go to be nice or not.

It seems strange for year 7s to have parties. Why do people think he's weird?

If he doesn't want to go, don't make him go. Just politely decline the invite, tell your son he doesn't have to go but that it isn't nice to call people weird or any names and maybe he should try being nice to the boy

Oh God, that poor boy. Not sure what you should do though. It's a tough one.

Imo he needs to go. Imagine being the kid who's party is a no show.

He’s 11. He’s going to resent you forcing him, and I imagine it will be quite obvious when he’s there. You can force him to be somewhere, but you can’t reasonably force him to not be visibly pissed off and fucking miserable.

forcing people to socialize together tends to increase hostility, not engineer closeness.

YABU

I would say how disappointed I was in his attitude. That it's unkind and unpleasant. Hopefully he would then think and decide for himself to go.

Perfectly ok for him to not go to the party and to decline the invitation politely.

Not ok to be rude or unkind about the boy who has invited him or to make fun of him with other friends.

My son is the kid that no one talks to because everyone says he is weird. It's heartbreaking for him. Never gets invited anywhere now he is in Y7 and never did when he was at primary.

My daughter went to the party of a girl in college when nobody else was going. Turned into a really lovely friendship.
honestly I don’t know the answer, op. I would explain to your son how disappointed you are in his attitude, and discuss how the other boy might be feeling to see if your son can empathise with him. Intimately I don’t think you can actually make him.
my heart breaks for that other kid 😔 how sad.

Ultimately not intimately 😆