To be a bit upset by friend's comments?

[janeseymour78]

I've known my best friend for 14 years, love her to bits. We don't meet every week as we used to but when we do always a great time..Eg. we will meet for 'a drink' and return at 3am because we have such a great time.

Last year my serious partner left me (cheated) which was a very difficult time. My friend is in a serious relationship and recently confided she thinks they'll soon get engaged and would I be maid of honor? I said yes of course.

Something that upset me while we were out tonight: she said in future when she has kids she sees herself as forging friendships mainly with other mothers and people 'on the same schedule as her'. It seemed to translate as 'and you'll be dropped.'

I know she wouldn't have meant that but aibu to feel hurt? It makes me feel on borrowed time for a valuable friendship at a difficult time in my own life.

I'm sure she meant she can see that the new friendships she'll forge in the future will be with other mums at the same life stage as herself. Nothing in your post suggests that meant she would drop longstanding friends like you.

I think she was just talking things over with you as she is on the brink of a complete change in her life and lifestyle - and not even in the immediate future, but it is a big step. I wouldn't take it personally, and I bet in future years she will love having you in her life as a refreshing change from baby and family talk. And even though you're going through a difficult time right now, your life will also change in the coming years as well.

This is a lovely post and perfectly articulates what I would have said. She feels comfortable musing over her potential life changes with you knowing you will still be an important part of her life.

Ask her. She’ll probably be mortified to know she’s upset you.

Thanks for posting this.

It makes me feel like maybe I've got the wrong end of the stick? Her comment made me feel I'll be left behind. And I feel even more sensitive at the moment as through no fault of my own in some ways I feel I've taken a step back in some ways. I hope what you say is true.

I think the fact she said mainly means you'd be the exception. It can be really hard to maintain friendships when you get into two different life stages as kids can be all consuming and make it harder to be as social as you were before and some single/childless people don't always understand why that's the case so I can kind of see where she's coming from but I think you'll feel better if you speak to her about it. It let's her know how much you value the friendship and she can put your mind at ease that she didn't mean you. I doubt she'd have said that to you directly if she had any intention of cutting you out.

Is she even pregnant yet ? She’s talking shite but it comes from a place of being excited to move into the next stage of her life. I have a partner and a baby but my best friend is still in the ‘go on lots of holidays with boyfriend and drink loads of wine’ stage and we’re still best friends because having a baby doesn’t change who you fundamentally are as a person. People who drop childless friends are a-holes.

There is truth in what she’s said. New friends will be made who’s circumstances relate to hers but that doesn’t mean she’ll ditch old friends. Would she begrudge you making new good friends through a new hobby or new job? It sounds like maybe you’re feeling left behind by her but it isn’t her fault.

IDK she sounds like she put it very clumsily, was it after some drinks?

I'm sure she didn't really mean anything by it and is just being a bit self-absorbed.
Also unless you've specifically decided you don't want children and she's sure of her fertility I'd think it's a bit presumptuous to think her life will go full speed ahead and yours won't.

No, nowhere near as far as I know.

She wants to be married before pregnancy and they're just thinking about it. Of course I understand she's excited and I'm excited for her. I just got a bit of a shock as it sounded like I would no longer fit into her own plans.

No I haven't decided that. But last year's break up has put me on the back foot regardless of what I wanted. I feel like I can be open minded but also accept I might not get everything I wanted.

I think your friend is strange. She seems to be planning ahead for a lot of things outside her control.

Who asks someone to be part of a wedding party when as yet there’s not an engagement? I also think it’s natural to become friends with other mums when you become one, but who plans what type of friends they will make - friendships happen organically.

I’d let the comment go over your head OP.