Meddling mother in law

[Waveafterwave14]

Long story short... in the process of buying a house with my fiancée and he has asked to have a legal agreement set up and signed before all goes through.
Now I have agreed that as he is putting the deposit money in and I haven't then if anything was to go tits up down the line he would have his deposit money returned. Which I think is fair and makes him feel comfortable. What I did not expect and quite frankly shocked me was his mother has said that it should also be stipulated that if we were to break up that the house should be sold and I should have no right to buy him out. That me and the children would be housed immediately and in emergency accommodation!
Now I don't know what world she is living in but I'm pretty sure if I was to leave with a lump sum of money from the house sale then I would have to rent privately. And why the hell would she wish that on me and her grandchildren???
Nothing has been written up or signed and I think I should seek legal advice but I don't know how to politely deal with this awkward situation or her constant meddling in our relationship.
Any advice please?!
Thanks

Wow.

You have a family together. That’s very different from buying a house with a boyfriend.

I have been called all sorts in the past for advising women in my life to get married before having children and certainly before entering into a monetary/legal arrangement like buying a home, but it really is the sensible thing to do.

His mother sounds horrendous, by the way. My MIL wanted similar. She gave dh £25k as a deposit on our first home (in our 40s, couldn’t afford on until then!), she wasn’t happy when dh pointed out we’d already been married a looong time and what’s his is mine and vice versa.

She would put her son above your children. Most parents would, even though they are her grandchildren. It sounds harsh because it is. He has every right to want to protect the deposit amount, I've done the same but not allowing one of you to buy the other out is a bit mean and there would be no need to stoop to that level especially if kids are involved. I'd be speaking to her myself and telling her to but out of my relationship and telling your partner that his mum's meddling has to stop. I would have that chat sooner rather than later.

Bizarre. What difference would it make if he sold his half to you in the event of a break up instead of to a third party? He gets paid either way. If anything it would be better for him to sell to you because no agents fees. I don't think such an agreement would be legally enforceable but I wouldn't enter into it anyway. I hope he's told her to mind her own business or at least is very much ignoring her "advice"

Basically when wants you and her grandchildren turfed out if you split up so that she can move into YOUR family home. Tell her to fuck off.

Nothing has been written up or signed and I think I should seek legal advice

Do this immediately.
Do NOT progress with any agreements or paperwork until you have been properly & thoroughly advised.

As to MiL - Grey Rock her.
www.healthline.com/health/grey-rock#dont-tell-them
It's utterly pointless embroiling yourself in any debate with her.
You do not need to 'win' any argument about this - you just need to avoid any discussion of it with her.
The only thing you need say to her, when she raises this again is -
"That's between partner, me & our lawyers, you do not need to concern yourself with it."

Be prepared to just drone that, in a monotone, on repeat.
If she still won't STFU, drone it as you walk away from her & out of the door. The is no reason whatsoever for you to have to engage with her about it - & if she's gets insistent, it's fine to demonstrate that by physically removing yourself from her space.

duckduckgo.com/?q=justify+argue+defend+explain&t=newext&atb=v321-1&ia=web

Because her son is her cash cow, she's furious OP is "getting the benefit" of his deposit money, (despite that being nonsense as OP is happy to see it ringfenced), & is already gagging for the time when her son splits with OP, ejects her from "his" house barefoot in the snow, so that MiL can move in on her son's cashflow without what she sees as an impediment - OP.

I purchased my house from my dad and he wanted a legal document drawn up saying that in the event of my death in child birth he got the house.

WTF?!!

Jeeze. Lovely to know his priorities are all in the right place huh @user1498572889 ?

I never underestimate just how fucking strange people can be. I mean, why? Fucks sake.

This all sounds like an absolute disaster, are you sure this bloke is worth your kids losing out on £10,000s, and being made to live with this shitty woman for weeks at a time? Really?

At least you’ll be fully aware of what you’re signing up for if you choose to marry this man. His mother comes first, as demonstrated repeatedly.

I agree OP should tread with caution.

But it all hinges on how her DP actually responded to his mother, which she doesn't know yet. It's an encouraging sign that eg he appears to have agreed to OP saying "no more" about MiL staying with them for weeks on end so she can rent her own place out.

Either way, she needs a watertight legal agreement for this house purchase, her own separate legal representation, & preferably marriage before she co-buys.

OP - how would you & DP feel about just doing a quick & cheap Register Office wedding? ie don't spend money on it (you could have a big party later, once you are both back on an even keel after house purchase & associated costs).

@KettrickenSmiled @Footballmyarse
Even his solicitor was shocked and talked him out of it. He took great pleasure in telling me that's what he wanted though.

Calculate the lifetime impact on your earnings of having 2 children, factoring in the time away from your career on maternity leave, the impact on your earnings if you were to go back full time, the likelihood you will miss out on advancement and payrises due to being the primary point of contact, being less able to start early and late finishes, to travel etc etc etc.. this has an impact on your earnings through to retirement and your pension... pick a number between 100,000 and 500,000 and write that into the agreement!!

God OP this sounds like you need to get waaaaaay more than the legal agreement on the house sorted out.

MIL bigger issues need sorted ASAP.

Get your own, independent legal advice. Don't use the same solicitor as is doing the conveyancing, or whoever is drawing up the agreement regarding the deposit.

Consider how he managed to save the deposit - was it during your relationship, or before you got together? How are finances managed between you now that you are a family?