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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partner annoyed with me...

16 replies

Chloe8888 · 28/10/2022 21:33

I've not stopped all day from getting the 7 month old and 5 year old up and ready and then sort breakfast, dinner, tea out for us all. This is in addition to taking the 5 year old to a dentist appt, going to the shops for a few bits and taking the older child out for the afternoon. My youngest was with her aunty for the whole afternoon (12-5).

Am I wrong to be annoyed to have come home after 5pm to dishes in the sink, nothing made for tea, the dog not walked and to be asked by my partner what's for tea? I'm not the one who's been sat at home all afternoon. Granted he had to do an hours work from home but if i ever get a child free few hours I'd always tidy up and plan something for tea. But he does not see my point and is annoyed I made him feel like he does nothing.

OP posts:
DrinkFeckArseBrick · 28/10/2022 21:42

I'd be annoyed. I normally do the cooking but was ill and in bed for a couple of days recently and my husband asked what was for lunch and I went a bit mad.

It implies it's your job, and solely your job, no matter how ill/ busy you are, and they have absolutely no need / obligation/ desire to help out even occasionally

Quartz2208 · 28/10/2022 21:43

But he didnt do anything and then expected you too

Megapint · 28/10/2022 21:45

Sounds like you had a regular day, nothing to demanding. Order a take away & get him to sort the dishes in the morning

ABJ100 · 28/10/2022 21:45

You said you made tea though?

SpookyPanda · 28/10/2022 21:46

I've not stopped all day from getting the 7 month old and 5 year old up and ready and then sort breakfast, dinner, tea out for us all. so had you sorted tea when he asked? Or not?

Tbh i think he sounds incredibly lazy and like it's assumed you will sort tea.

Obki · 28/10/2022 21:49

He sounds like a prick. Stop doing everything.

Original poster
Chloe8888 · 28/10/2022 21:50

This is exactly how I felt too but he's that adamant he's in the right and I'm in the wrong that he had me doubting myself. His response was I should have asked him to sort something out for tea and told him what needs doing round the house. I am not his mum and shouldn't have to state the obvious.

OP posts:
sheepdogdelight · 28/10/2022 21:50

What did he actually do in the afternoon?

Original poster
Chloe8888 · 28/10/2022 21:51

I did make tea in the end as he was annoyed at my comments and if I hadn't, we wouldn't of eaten

OP posts:
Original poster
Chloe8888 · 28/10/2022 21:55

Other than an hours work I've no idea.

OP posts:
GarfieldsAunty · 28/10/2022 21:58

Arrgghhh why do they do this! "I should have asked him to sort something out for tea and told him what needs doing round the house." - had an ex husband that was like this... Had to ask him to help out with cleaning the flat etc, and you just end up feeling like you've got a 14 year old child who needs to be asked to tidy their room.

I never got to the bottom of whether it was laziness, selfishness, innocent oblivion, or summat else. But I did grow very, very tired of it (and that's without the added work of kids).

You are not being unreasonable, OP. He is.

Aria999 · 28/10/2022 23:18

Regarding the tea I think it depends what agreement you have.

At ours, DH is in charge of cooking so if he wants me to do it he asks me. I would never just make something without asking him, he has weekly plans, does marinades in advance, etc.

He could have cleaned up the kitchen without being asked though. What was he actually doing?

Cw112 · 28/10/2022 23:24

I would probably be annoyed too but it would depend for me on how hands on he is normally. If he's always like this and just is a couch potato when he has free time from work rather than doing his fair share then I'd be fuming. If he normally does his fair share and this is more of an exception then I wouldn't begrudge him a few hours to himself to chill out because we could all do with that from time to time and you just need to put things in place so you get to have that as well.

Brigante9 · 28/10/2022 23:34

He needs telling to know what to do? Omg, I’d go nuts. Does he expect the magic wand to make tea when he’s been sat doing sod all for the whole day? Is he generally useless at doing stuff in the house? Don’t tell me, you do all the washing, putting away, housework, shopping, kid admin and cooking?

Natty13 · 28/10/2022 23:48

His response was I should have asked him to sort something out for tea and told him what needs doing round the house

Stop doing anything for him. And I mean anything. When he inevitably mentions/complains about not having clean pants, dinner, food only he likes to eat added to the weekly shop....etc you look him in the eye and calmly. tell him every. single. time. that he didn't ask you to do X, Y or Z (bonus points if you can myster an innocent smile).

Natty13 · 28/10/2022 23:51

The other option is to say "oh I thought you were doing it" and shrug. It's quite good to catch them out because they usually reply something like "why would I you didn't ask me to?" And you can then point out why would you because he didn't ask you to either blank stare

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