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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to report my colleague?

49 replies

user875877 · 28/10/2022 21:06

Hi I'm after other peoples opinion on this as I am not sure if I am being overly sensitive.

Last year I returned to work after 6 months off work sick undergoing treatment for cancer. I returned part time and have stayed on part time hours. I am the only member of the team who doesn't work a full day I work half days.

I have one colleague who constantly comments on my working pattern.

I have overheard her telling other colleagues its not fair that I don't work full days and that I should work afternoons to stay to lock the store up because everyone else does.

She moans because I do a lot of jobs that are done sitting down and she has to stand all day.

She constantly tells me how busy it is in the afternoons after I have finished work and I should work afternoons, its busy in the mornings too.

We are going out for a work meal next week, I don't go to every staff night out and this will be the first one since I have returned, there have been 2 nights out I said I wasn't going to go to due to anxiety about going out after lockdown and cancer. She commented to another member of staff 'she won't come' and then laughed.

It's starting to get to me and upset me. I don't know if I should speak to my manager or if I am over reacting.

OP posts:
Grumpusaurus · 28/10/2022 21:08

Yep, that is bullying. She has absolutely no business to comment on your working hours. So sorry you are going through that!

Brefugee · 28/10/2022 21:08

presumably your manager agreed to you working only mornings? Tell colleague to stop bugging you and if it happens again, escalate to manager.

Lcb123 · 28/10/2022 21:12

That’s not ok, assuming it’s been communicated about your new working pattern so she is aware. I’d definitely discuss with your manager

Merlott · 28/10/2022 21:16

Definitely escalate. She is bang out of order and no doubt your colleagues think she's a tool. Nasty bully.

Eggygirl · 28/10/2022 21:16

I'd invite your colleague for a coffee then ask her honestly if she has any questions or comments to make about the hours you work? Shame her into fully explaining herself rather than making snide comments all the time. Then hold your head Hugh and go enjoy your night out - you deserve to stop this constant worry and enjoy yourself.

Underscore21 · 28/10/2022 21:17

You need to raise this with your LM PDQ.
This member of staff needs to have some 'training' (aka a bollocking) in E, D & I and other aspects of mandatory training that they appear not to have undergone.

Cw112 · 28/10/2022 21:21

I'd be tempted to go down the route of challenging her directly. Next time she says something and you overhear I'd ask to speak to her and say you overheard her comments and as your hours and work duties are agreed with your manager due to your health then she can take any concerns up with the manager directly and you'd appreciate if she came to you with her concerns rather than the rest of the team behind your back. That should be a conversation you only need to have once and if she has any sense she'll wind her neck in then and there. I'd give your manager a heads up as well on what's been happening and your intention to deal with it so you have their backing if you need to go back to her to raise a grievance later because it is bullying behaviour

user29 · 28/10/2022 21:26

I think she is entitled to voice her concerns , which don't sound unfounded to me

Confront her! Running to HR or management makes you look weak and pathetic, and it may make them have second thoughts about your working pattern.

FourEyesGood · 28/10/2022 21:30

user29 · 28/10/2022 21:26

I think she is entitled to voice her concerns , which don't sound unfounded to me

Confront her! Running to HR or management makes you look weak and pathetic, and it may make them have second thoughts about your working pattern.

Which of the colleague’s comments sound even slightly reasonable? They all sound unfounded to me.

And OP, if you do report her, and your managers/HR don’t support you, it’s because they’re weak and pathetic - not you.

Cosycover · 28/10/2022 21:37

I'd pull her up on it for sure.

And I'd go to the night out.

It's hard to not let these things affect you but just try to remember this woman means literally nothing to you. So fuck her. Who cares what she says or thinks.

Eggygirl · 28/10/2022 22:07

user29 · 28/10/2022 21:26

I think she is entitled to voice her concerns , which don't sound unfounded to me

Confront her! Running to HR or management makes you look weak and pathetic, and it may make them have second thoughts about your working pattern.

@user29
And is it appropriate the way in which she is voicing her concerns?
And in what way are her concerns not unfounded if its all agreed with manager/HR.
If colleague is concerned that she is overworked of an afternoon, having to lock up etc, is that not a concern she should bring up with her manager or HR? Why is it a concern of OP? Could company not just take on another part-timer to job share rather than guilt tripping OP into working extra hours which are obviously now outside her contracted hours?
I sincerely hope you're not a manager or work in HR as I'd hate to be the one having to come to you with any concerns in the workplace - or does that make me sound weak and pathetic?

QS90 · 28/10/2022 22:07

She sounds very jealous, which is a Her problem and not a You problem, and certainly doesn't give her an excuse to act the way she does. People work all different shifts / numbers of hours, for all sorts of reasons (even just because it's what they prefer!) - if she wants to work less she should focus on that and leave you out of it!

OdkinsBodkins · 28/10/2022 23:06

It's disability discrimination. Report. You are being paid to work, and do work, the hours that you are paid for and the hours that you negotiated with your boss. It's none of her business whatsoever but because she won't stop going on, to your detriment, she is discriminating against you in the workplace.

cabansunset · 28/10/2022 23:10

I would (in front if a witness) ask her if she has a problem with you, tell her you've heard her talking about you, you can feel the tension from her and you'd like to get it all aired out in the open.
Be firm with her and say you'd like to clear it all up as it would be a pity to have to escalate things.
Bully's like her stop dead in their tracks when confronted.

AnApparitionQuipped · 28/10/2022 23:19

Yes, report this. You are being bullied. You work reduced hours for a reduced salary - a totally reasonable and commonplace thing in most workplaces - frankly your colleague sounds deranged.

IWannaBeInTheRoomWhereItHappens · 28/10/2022 23:22

Sounds like she is bullying you OP. I would definitely talk to HR/management as it's not on.

Sugarplumfairy65 · 28/10/2022 23:24

user29 · 28/10/2022 21:26

I think she is entitled to voice her concerns , which don't sound unfounded to me

Confront her! Running to HR or management makes you look weak and pathetic, and it may make them have second thoughts about your working pattern.

Fuck off! The op is recovering from cancer

AncientMariner · 28/10/2022 23:27

user29 · 28/10/2022 21:26

I think she is entitled to voice her concerns , which don't sound unfounded to me

Confront her! Running to HR or management makes you look weak and pathetic, and it may make them have second thoughts about your working pattern.

Jesus wept. Just no. To all of this!

Just talk to your line manager OP. If you don't want to complain directly then just ask their advice on how to deal with it, and go from there.

Personally I wouldn't take the advice of those recommending you confront your colleague.

Brigante9 · 28/10/2022 23:27

How good are you at confrontation? You can either pull her up on it or go the formal route and go to HR-my favourite option. Your manager needs to know she’s bullying you regardless and needs to give her a warning.

LoveBluey · 28/10/2022 23:30

Obviously you have a very valid reason but it actually doesn't matter in the slightest why you have the afternoons off. The fact is it has been agreed by your manager.
You could have childcare or other caring responsibilities or be going home to tend to your vegetable patch, catch up on your stamp collecting or simply watch daytime tv and nap on the sofa. The reason is irrelevant if part time hours have been agreed that's between you and management /HR and nobody else's business.

PinkFrogss · 28/10/2022 23:35

Have you posted this before OP? I recall similar threads, in which case this situation has continued for a number of months and you need to talk to your manager and HR

Jalepenojello · 28/10/2022 23:38

It is bullying , absolutely report. Your health and work contract are none of her business at all.

minou123 · 28/10/2022 23:40

Do not confront her or challange her.
It will end badly.
She is the type of person who will twist it and turn it into you bullying her.

Report to management, HR or Senior Management. This is bullying and has no place in the workplace.

I've seen this happen so many times in work. The colleague feels hard done by and rather accept that sometimes other people need reasonable adjustements, she goes for the easier option and attacks you.
Dont get drawn into arguing with her about it.

SezFrankly · 29/10/2022 10:31

She’s an immature little bitch and she needs a dose of reality. It doesn’t matter why you work half days, we are all entitled to flexible working arrangements and employers cannot unreasonably withhold approval. The fact you’ve been poorly only amplified the nastiness of this woman.

If she’s so jealous, she’s perfectly entitled to request afternoons off too. Report her, and then tell her to FO next time she tries this passive-aggressive nonsense. If it’s busy, then your employer can find another PT member of staff, her opinion about the rota is not your problem.

SezFrankly · 29/10/2022 10:32

LoveBluey · 28/10/2022 23:30

Obviously you have a very valid reason but it actually doesn't matter in the slightest why you have the afternoons off. The fact is it has been agreed by your manager.
You could have childcare or other caring responsibilities or be going home to tend to your vegetable patch, catch up on your stamp collecting or simply watch daytime tv and nap on the sofa. The reason is irrelevant if part time hours have been agreed that's between you and management /HR and nobody else's business.

Absolutely bang on

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