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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have used the baby changing facilities?

57 replies

poppingtje · 28/10/2022 19:14

I went into the M&S toilet area, and went into the door that said 'Feeding and Changing room'

I had my disabled DS (age 5), and my DD (age 9 months).

It took about 10 minutes to change DS, for reasons I won't go into but you can imagine the rest.

Anyway, I then changed DD who took just a minute max I'd say!

We then left the changing room

There was a woman waiting with her toddler of about max age 18 months in a pram. She then said to me along the lines of

'What was taking so long? I have been waiting for a very long time here...'

I said I'm sorry, I had to change both children. It did take a while.

She then said 'why are you changing him here? If he needs changing, why aren't you using the disabled toilet provided? Confused'

So I explained that I would've actually, but I had my daughter with me and I need the changing table to lay her on

She said 'Not good enough is it'

So I told her to find something more interesting to get worked up about and she told me to stop being so theatrical

It was awful! I don't like confrontation but it's a must 24/7 almost with DS

AIBU to use the baby chance for DS?

OP posts:
MarceyMc · 28/10/2022 19:41

YANBU. What a CF!

Mrsjayy · 28/10/2022 19:44

MolliciousIntent · 28/10/2022 19:15

Absolutely not. She should get in the sea.

HA 😂 I don't have anything else to add

Luredbyapomegranate · 28/10/2022 19:44

Of course you were well within your rights.

She was just a crabby one possibly having a shit day.

Let it go.

Keep standing up for yourself, it’s easier the more you do it. 💪

Meatshake · 28/10/2022 19:44

She was lucky she got away with that nonsense without shitting her own teeth out. I know a fair few people who would have decked her for that!

surreygirl1987 · 28/10/2022 19:47

What an awful woman!

drkpl · 28/10/2022 19:49

What a self interested cow bag. I’ve used the changing facilities with my son when he was little and some people with 1 baby and no disabilities took ages (20 minutes). I just waited as you do, and assumed there had been a poo explosion or something. It happened all the time when my son was a baby due to digestive issues. Honestly, I would have said something a lot more stern than you if someone dared question me.
Fair play that you stood your ground in a dignified way, op.

youhadmeatsausageroll · 28/10/2022 19:51

What a bitch - I hope you’re ok OP

x2boys · 28/10/2022 19:52

buttons123456 · 28/10/2022 19:35

What a dick , they are first come first serve . It takes as long as it takes ffs ! 🙄

I have a disabled child and I drop him off at a respite club which happens to be on a tricky road .. I often get honked .. I mean , really ?

Some people just can't think how difficult life is for everyone else .

Yes i can imagine ,my disabled child gets picked up every morning on school transport ,to go to his special school ,the estate is all pedestranised so there are two carparks for cars ,every morning people are beeping their horns ,becsuse the bus full of disabled kids, delays them for a minute or two turning round

buttons123456 · 28/10/2022 19:55

@x2boys .. same sometimes although most people know us but some still try and squeeze past when the bus is only there 2 minutes!🙄🙄

Bonbon21 · 28/10/2022 19:59

Ignore and move on....sad cow.... she is blessed if this is the biggest problem in her life.

OneStepOneStumble · 28/10/2022 20:03

Jeez, I've waited longer for people to use a normal toilet if they're elderly or have children with them. First come, first serve. If you need to use the facilities then you go right ahead, what gives her the right to be so judgemental.

HappyAsASandboy · 28/10/2022 20:06

You did nothing wrong. Those rooms are generally smelly and dirty so there's no way anyone spends longer than necessary in there, and I'm sure you didn't either.

Use the changing room to change children. There's no limit on the age; if you need the facilities then use them.

Remy7 · 28/10/2022 20:06

YANBU
I'm sorry you had to deal with her attitude. If anything I'd have offered to help you.
I hope you never have to come across people like her again x

2X4B523P · 28/10/2022 20:11

YANBU, and yes she’s correct to say it’s not good enough. Not good enough that the baby changing room is more suited to changing an older child due to the lack of suitable facilities for people with disabilities.

There needs to be a lot more ‘changing places’, a country park I visit has just recently installed a pre fabricated changing room with track hoist, height adjustable changing bench, shower and so on. So even if there’s not suitable space within a building then facilities can still be provided.

ExtraOnions · 28/10/2022 20:15

I’d have walked back in, and locked the door ,… but I’m a very petty person

OhIdoLike2bBesideTheSeaside · 28/10/2022 20:15

Some people are just extremely rude - I wouldn't give her another thought at all! X

Whataplanker · 28/10/2022 20:17

Obviously it depends on her tone but did she not mean that the availability of suitable facilities isn't good enough e.g. she was trying to sympathise?

Dorisbonson · 28/10/2022 20:19

Your life is hard enough, I can understand from what I have seen with my quadriplegic nephew. Take the breaks when they come your way and never feel any guilt. Some people need to suck it up and feel lucky for what they have.

CarefreeMe · 28/10/2022 20:25

YANBU

As a PP said if you were feeding then you would have taken way longer!

I do think there needs to be more unisex single toilets that can double up as changing/feeding rooms and disabled toilets.

catandcoffee · 28/10/2022 20:53

I think you were very polite to reply to her.
She's got no right to question you , if this happens again just ignore the person.

x2boys · 28/10/2022 20:53

2X4B523P · 28/10/2022 20:11

YANBU, and yes she’s correct to say it’s not good enough. Not good enough that the baby changing room is more suited to changing an older child due to the lack of suitable facilities for people with disabilities.

There needs to be a lot more ‘changing places’, a country park I visit has just recently installed a pre fabricated changing room with track hoist, height adjustable changing bench, shower and so on. So even if there’s not suitable space within a building then facilities can still be provided.

Totally agree My son is out of nappies now but for years we had to change him in less than desrible places ,there needs to be a lot more " changing places for disssbled adults and children."

x2boys · 28/10/2022 22:13

buttons123456 · 28/10/2022 19:55

@x2boys .. same sometimes although most people know us but some still try and squeeze past when the bus is only there 2 minutes!🙄🙄

I know ,the staff 9n the bus are brilliant they phone me a minute or two before they pick him up and drop him off ,thankfully my son is fully mobile so doesnt need any additional aids to get him on and off the bus but people still complain🤷‍♀️

Dacadactyl · 28/10/2022 22:16

TooShyShyShhh · 28/10/2022 19:41

When she said ‘not good enough…’ did she mean the facilities provided maybe?

How would you have changed your 5 year old in a disabled toilet though anyway? Weird of her to expect that to be possible, especially when you also had DD!

don’t give her headspace, she was just rude and impatient. You were there first and had every right to be there.

I think that is exactly what she meant. She was talking about the facilities, not you!!

Newmumatlast · 28/10/2022 22:23

Yanbu. I've used toilets with baby change when I don't need to change my baby but need somewhere to put him while helping my 3 year old on and off the toilet. It is what it is. I'm not going to put my son on a toilet floor just to please someone else who would've had to have waited anyway if I had needed to change him or if someone else had been ahead with a baby. You can't control who needs the facilities and if the wait is too much they can raise it with the company to suggest more facilities not have a go at you for using them.

Mummyof287 · 28/10/2022 22:32

Jeez that's awful OP...as if you didn't have enough to contend with...some people are so spiteful! The changing facilities for disabled children/teens/adults seem non existent...I often think so, and I often wonder how people manage in those situations!
If my DD (also 5) was disabled then damn right I would be changing her on changing tables as long as I possibly could, what's the alternative, a dirty cold hard toilet floor?! How inhumane and humiliating!
Personally I think all places big enough should be required by law to have suitable changing facilities for disabled people.

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