Is this mean for 10yo’s birthday party

[Merryoldgoat]

My son is going to be 10 and I’m planning his birthday party. He has two close friends and then a few others he gets on with.

We’re planning a fun activity at home for about 12-15 kids and wondered about asking his two best friends for a sleep over afterwards.

it doesn’t feel exclusionary as the majority wouldn’t be staying but I don’t want to cause issues or make any kids feel bad.

DS has autism and it’s a big deal that he’s made good friends over the last two years and I just want him to have a lovely time.

YABU - you shouldn’t have the sleepover bit
YANBU - sleepover is fine

I think it’s fine. Might be easier to have them to sleep over the night before but it doesn’t really matter. My daughter Just had her birthday and had 2 friends sleeping over before her morning party the next day

Sounds good and hope your DS enjoys it. As a mum of a 9yo with ASD I get you about it being a big deal making good friends.

That’s a good idea actually as he’ll have friends to occupy him when the party peopl arrive to set up.

thank you!

@Spookymcspookerson2022

thank you - I think people with kids who find life a bit easier can think I overthink stuff but I’ve had so many abject disasters out of seemingly uncomplicated situations I get anxious with stuff like this.

I love a nice easy poll - thank you all who voted 👍🏽

I think it's fine, as long as it's done sensitively.

DD went to an at-home party before, with a few staying after for a sleepover. The sleepover room was all set up with tents etc and was a bit rubbish for the kids not staying, but not the end of the world.

It's absolutely fine and was totally the norm when I grew up.

A party with that many people plus a sleepover is very full on. I would do them on separate occasions. It does also let everyone know which of his friends he likes the most. This might not be a problem but there is a risk he inadvertently upsets someone.

My son with autism has no friends . I think what you’ve planned sounds fab

Sounds perfect.
I wouldn't do the sleepover the night before as they're bound to go to bed a night later than normal and so be tired (and grumpy) the following day
I once bowed to the "wisdom" on MN and had the party one day and a sleepover a few days later so that those not invited to the sleepover wouldn't feel left out. As it was, as they were all at the same primary school, they all knew about the sleepover and, to the extent 9 year olds can go "WTF", were all confused why it was taking place on a separate day. They all knew who my DD's closest friends were and so weren't at all surprised some were being invited for a sleepover. Similarly, my DD might get invited to a party where the party child was having 8/12/15 friends to the party but would have no expectation of being invited to a sleepover.

It's totally fine

i think it’s fine and often do this. But I don’t advertise it to everyone and def would not have a sep room ready for the sleepover as that might get spotted and seem mean to others. Everyone just gets picked up at end and a few just stay on. No one any the wiser !

Oh god I’d definitely not do that! As I’m good friends with both mums it would be totally natural they’d stay later so hopefully not like a slap in the face.

@starsparkle08

That must be hard. Mine has only really shown interest in friends in the last two years. My younger boy (also has ASD) and is entirely uninterested in peers. We plough our own furrow and so will our children.

I just want them to have the life that makes them happy.

Completely fine. DD has been to similar (but not the sleepover) and had fun with mild jealousy/FOMO which she got over quickly!

Id not do the night before in case they’re all just too tired for the party. But that’s because some of DD’s friends appear to have an allergy to sleep (and will not be coming round for a sleepover again for a long time - until I’ve recovered from the last one...)

You're doing just fine, OP. When we have kids with prickly needs we need to do so much more forward planning that with the more laissez faire kids.

I've got one that takes everything as it comes and one that very much doesn't. You learn to parent the kids you've got. Sounds to me you're doing a splendid job and he'll love his birthday celebration.

@InsertPunHere

you get it!

My son needs so much prep and planning down to what he’ll wear. I envy the ‘chuck them at the trampoline park’ parents a lot!

YANBU... I did this for my daughters birthday, didn't even cross my mind that it was unreasonable. Certainly wasn't about to have 10 tweens staying over. Have the sleepover kids come over 30 mins earlier so they can stash their stuff and parents can ask any questions etc.
the majority will not be sleeping over... so it's absolutely fine, not excluding at all x