The power of a thank you Part II

Grandstan · 2022-10-28T11:15:49+00:00

For 16 years I've bought Christmas and birthday gifts for my sister's children (first born 16, then 14, 11 and 9) without a thank you from anyone, not child not parent. They live in a different part of the country so I don't see regular. AIBU to say this is the first year they don't get a gift to see what happens? Before you jump I wouldn't expect a baby to say thank you but I would like to think the parent might. Also I don't buy for thank yous but after 16 years it's got a bit annoying.

Spanielsarepainless · 28/10/2022 12:34

We stopped buying presents for relations who never said thank you. They still get a card. Saves us a couple of hundred pounds a year!

Meowsaidthecat · 28/10/2022 12:36

I stopped buying for relatives that never said thank you years ago.

I actually got a message off my eldest niece (21) last Christmas asking why I hadn't sent her a present... she hadnt bothered speaking to me in 10 months before that.

YABU. do it you'll feel better!

Nolongerteaching · 28/10/2022 12:38

Feel the same. Especially as I am on a much tighter budget than others and have to cost in postage.

Original poster

Grandstan · 28/10/2022 12:41

Yes, I'm on a very tight budget. Last year I saved up to put £25 in a card for each of them it's not a lot for some and seemed a bit miserly but £100 at Christmas was a big chunk for me. Not a single thank you.

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Original poster

Grandstan · 28/10/2022 12:43

Meowsaidthecat · 28/10/2022 12:36

I stopped buying for relatives that never said thank you years ago.

I actually got a message off my eldest niece (21) last Christmas asking why I hadn't sent her a present... she hadnt bothered speaking to me in 10 months before that.

YABU. do it you'll feel better!

That's incredible! That's the sort of thing I'd get! I've seen them once this year and have sent each a birthday gift again no response.

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Mylakk · 28/10/2022 12:45

That's really shocking - no thank you in all that time, I'm amazed you've carried on this long!

I would just stop - unless you sister sends gifts for your children - in that case I would tell her that you're opting of the the gift exchange for children now. If not then I would stop without mentioning it.

auntiemabelisveryable · 28/10/2022 12:46

Meowsaidthecat · 28/10/2022 12:36

I stopped buying for relatives that never said thank you years ago.

I actually got a message off my eldest niece (21) last Christmas asking why I hadn't sent her a present... she hadnt bothered speaking to me in 10 months before that.

YABU. do it you'll feel better!

What was your response to her?

Original poster

Grandstan · 28/10/2022 12:47

I don't have children. I occasionally get a birthday card but never a Christmas card.

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MargaretThursday · 28/10/2022 12:47

I don't worry about a thank you really. In fact, when my siblings had small ones I always told them not to worry about it because I know how pressurised Christmas/birthdays can be.
I do encourage mine to do thank yous although my 21yo (getting a new bed!) has just found one year's worth of thank you letters fallen behind her old bed. She thinks they're from around 10 years ago. I did debate sending them and trying to blame the post office. 🤣

What I do dislike is the relative that made long unasked for lists for his family with nothing under £50 (we normally spend £10-15) and bought our presents from the pound shop, that's the one in three years they did actually buy presents, despite making a fuss if ours to them was a day late. They'd also like you to know they are Rich and Have a Lot of Money to Spend.
Presents from them ceased the year I opened their presents in advance and went to the pound shop and bought them exactly the same presents back again. They couldn't complain about them without looking silly.

Kokapetl · 28/10/2022 12:57

Good idea to stop sending presents. I've hoped that my husband's relatives would take the hint before this! They keep buying dreadful presents for our kids. They don't know them at all so the gifts are completely inappropriate. We thank the ones who send money or vouchers.

namechange143 · 28/10/2022 13:00

I hate this! It's so rude. A friend of mine does this too. I try and be thoughtful buying her son nice gifts and it's not even mentioned.
I don't blame you for not wanting to get anything!

Abra1t · 28/10/2022 13:03

auntiemabelisveryable · 28/10/2022 12:46

What was your response to her?

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I need to know this, too!

Original poster

Grandstan · 28/10/2022 13:34

Kokapetl · 28/10/2022 12:57

Good idea to stop sending presents. I've hoped that my husband's relatives would take the hint before this! They keep buying dreadful presents for our kids. They don't know them at all so the gifts are completely inappropriate. We thank the ones who send money or vouchers.

Ummm delightful!

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Mylakk · 28/10/2022 13:34

@MargaretThursday Presents from them ceased the year I opened their presents in advance and went to the pound shop and bought them exactly the same presents back again.
Love this! Genius plan 😁

Even though my children always said or sent a thank you note for every birthday and Christmas gift the received - I've got to admit I did wish many times that the people sending them would just stop (especially the relatives my DC barely knew/didn't know), they had too much stuff already and doing the thank you notes was yet another chore to tick off.

I would definitely stop @Grandstan - not just because they are being rude.

Original poster

Grandstan · 28/10/2022 13:36

For those complaining about unwanted and useless gifts, they’ve had money for the last few years so it wasn’t really too much of a chore to say thanks.

OP posts:

bigfamilygrowingupfast · 28/10/2022 13:38

MargaretThursday · 28/10/2022 12:47

I don't worry about a thank you really. In fact, when my siblings had small ones I always told them not to worry about it because I know how pressurised Christmas/birthdays can be.
I do encourage mine to do thank yous although my 21yo (getting a new bed!) has just found one year's worth of thank you letters fallen behind her old bed. She thinks they're from around 10 years ago. I did debate sending them and trying to blame the post office. 🤣

What I do dislike is the relative that made long unasked for lists for his family with nothing under £50 (we normally spend £10-15) and bought our presents from the pound shop, that's the one in three years they did actually buy presents, despite making a fuss if ours to them was a day late. They'd also like you to know they are Rich and Have a Lot of Money to Spend.
Presents from them ceased the year I opened their presents in advance and went to the pound shop and bought them exactly the same presents back again. They couldn't complain about them without looking silly.

This is BRILLIANT