To start to get annoyed about pressure to have another child from colleagues and friends?

[Greenginghamdress]

And age old topic , but it persists!

I am trying to make peace with being 'one and done' due to severe PND after DD (who is 4, nearly 5), lack of support from my parents, lazy partner and just not wanting to go through it again. DD is my best little friend and we are happy.

It hurts as I'd have another child if my life were different but I know I cannot handle it again.

Those close to me do not ask or pressure me as they know how things are. But colleagues, one in particular, keeps telling me to have a 2nd as its a shame to have only one- she has one herself. She says it most days, in front of others!

I have some mum friends, I've known them around a year. One heavily pressures me to have another. I told her no and she turned to our other friend and said, "she'll regret it in 10 years". This woman has two but relies on her parents to look after her 5 year old daughter very regularly, her mother often has her daughter for a week straight while she goes on holiday abroad! Most people do not have this level of support!

What can I say back to these people? I feel like not 'a proper mum' and I get defensive about having an only. I'd tell them about how I've found being a mum hard and my MH but it's still a taboo and embarrassing. But I am trying to make peace with my life and these comments do not help at all! I'm close to telling them to f*ck off!

AIBU?

I doubt these people really give a fuck if you have 1 kid or 10, they're just banging on about their own feelings. Solicitously ask if that's how it is for them (and brace yourself for their 20 minute monologue), smile, nod, yawn ostentatiously, roll your eyes, change the subject, say "Not this again! You're obsessed with me! Seriously, will you never let it go? Every single time I see you it's the same old thing, no really, you said it twice last week, you need to get out more" or dye your hair or something and give them something new to prattle about.

And don't tell them about the sensitive stuff because like as before, I don't think they care. Save the sensitive stuff for real friends.

They’d just projecting and you’re reading too much into it.

@HotCoffee22 Projecting what though? Why say it?

@Nothingbuttheglory Thank you! I shall be using this in the future!

I'd say to them it's a bit weird how obsessed you are with my reproductive choices. Are you ok?

Projecting their own feelings.

@HotCoffee22 It's rude. I'd never say that to anybody not matter what my feelings were.

You are very wise to not have another child with a lazy partner.

cI think they are not picking up on your reticence or any hints you've given so you've got to say it straight out, clearly, calmly.
"I say this with affection for you Please stop saying this. It upsets me. Its a personal decision and Its not up for discussion. There are much nicer things we could talk about."
Response will be "but a, b , c"
your response. "I've asked you very nicely to stop commenting on it, please respect my wishes". and repeat,

Tell them its none of their business. End of.

I think you are being unreasonable.

I wonder why you care what they think. Just leave them to comment on it.

Just put them in their place everytime they mention it. Colleague who’s saying “it’s a shame you only have one” ask her well when are you having another then seeing as you only have one. Same with the friend tell her you don’t have the support to be able to leave a child for a week while you go on holiday. They’ll soon stop saying it.

If the same person asks you more than once then I'd say something along the lines of

We've already had this conversation. Why are you asking me again?

This could also be a very effective response 😀
Was also thinking that the colleague, in particular, is just saying it for something to say, she thinks you are both in the same boat and is trying to look like she's offering helpful advice from her own experience. Unfortunately, she simply cannot read the room and doesn't have the insight or sensitivity to recognise that there may be other issues or feelings surrounding this.

PP is right, it is none of colleagues' business.
Do you have anyone you can talk to about this in RL, particularly after suffering from PND and feeling unsupported?

I had this from SIL. Her child, only 1 child, is 6 months older than my twins. I said -after you have your next child. She never said it again

Be perfectly blunt with them. Then if they ask again, tell them to fuck off.

I’m pretty sure we’re one and done but as my DD approaches one people are going to be asking when number 2 will arrive. I’ve no patience for their rudeness and will tell them where to go.

Any time I get asked about it I just politely and firmly say “I’m not having any more kids”.

I don’t know why people are so invested in it, either. I’ve never felt the need to tell people to have more kids. It’s such a rude and presumptuous thing. I probably would struggle even if I DID want more, and if I did, that would be an upsetting reminder.