should my friend control her dogs

[mollime]

I went on holiday leaving friends teenage daughter looking after my house, cats and chickens. While I was away her mum took her two badly behaved dogs to my house, let them into my garden where they chased and caught a chicken. Luckily they didnt kill it.
She texted an apology and offered to pay for the vet, I texted I wouldnt ask her to pay for the vet but she really should get her dogs under control as my neighbours also have cats and if they had chased them she could find herself charged with having dangerous dogs.
She texted back, "to be fair most dogs would chase chickens and cats" I texted in that case she had no business taking her dogs to my house especially when I wasnt there.
She hasnt spoken to me since. Her mum died several months later, I texted to say I was so sorry and hoped she was ok, she ignored my text.
We have known each other years, I thought she was a good friend. I was going through a breakup with my partner at the time, I thought she would be more understanding of how stressed I was.
Was I unreasonable?

No you were perfectly reasonable (though you should have made her pay for the vet!) Your friend sounds entitled and irresponsible and of she’s willing to throw away a long term friendship simply because you pointed out her actions were unwise, she’s not the friend you thought she was.

Why communicate via text?

No I don't you think were, she knew you had chickens and she knew her dogs would chase. Many dogs do chase so responsible people keep them on a lead and don't put them in situations where it can happen. If it happened accidentally then fair enough, she should have apologised and end of story.

You were perfectly reasonable, of course she shouldn't have taken her dogs to your house. She is probably angry at you because she knows she is in the wrong, which is unfair on you but also very human. Sorry OP

She texted back, "to be fair most dogs would chase chickens and cats". So she took the dogs to a house where there are chickens and cats, expecting them to chase the chickens and cats. She sounds like an idiot, you're better off not being friends with someone like that. I can't stand irresponsible dog owners.

What kind of idiot takes off lead dogs to a friend's house when there are cats and chickens? She is all kinds of wrong OP.

This 100%

Pick up the phone and talk rather than sending text messages.

I can’t quite follow who did what, who was looking after the house, who brought the dogs around and who died. It seems like there are three generations involved but the one who brought the dogs around was the elder who is now deceased. In which case, no I don’t really understand why you had a go at your friend about something that somebody else did.

I don’t agree that all dogs would chase cats and chickens, my two would have zero interest in either. But if they did chase cats and chickens, I wouldn’t take them somewhere where I knew there were cats and chickens. But still, I wouldn’t have a go at my friend over something that she did not do personally.

@Aprilx No, the OP clearly says it was the friend herself who took her two dogs to OP's house off the lead.

Everyone should control their dogs.

I’ve fostered over 150 including many, many former breeding/puppy farmed/totally unsocialised dogs. We also have 40+ ducks and chickens free ranging here. We’ve always been extremely careful, we have to be, we’re responsible for ALL the animals we have.

Again, everyone should control their dogs.

🐶💖🐶

I have a dog, he would chase cats and chickens too- precisely why I would never take him to someone’s house if they had other pets.

If I did take him, he would be kept on a lead.

She should’ve paid for the vet.

If you have to let her walk all over you to keep a friendship, then she’s not a friend.

Friend's daughter was looking after OP's house and animals.

Friend brought out of control dogs over.

Some time after, friend's mother died.

Friend no longer a friend.

Dogs will no longer come over.

Problem solved.

Chickens now shitting themselves because the neighbours’ cats are giving them the beady.

Yes, was pretty straightforward, tbh. Many posters appear to have reading comprehension issues.

You were not unreasonable, but presumably your friend already felt guilty for bringing the dogs over/letting them off-lead/whatever she did that allowed the dog to catch the chicken. She wanted to pay for the vet (which might have allowed her to alleviate the guilt somewhat) but you didn’t let her, then told her off (slightly unecessarily bringing the neighbours cats into the equation and thus accusing her of having dangerous dogs) which probably made her feel even worse.

So though you were not unreasonable, neither is she for not being able to face you now. Some friendships are robust, others not so much. You also have no idea what she’s going through, so it’s not impossible she will get in touch in future, when she feels able. What happens then will be up to you.

Why are people saying ‘why message, just speak on the phone.’ If they wanted to speak on the phone then they would have. Nothing wrong with texting..

You were not being unreasonable, OP. Your friend sounds entitled and is now annoyed because you called her out on it. Saying 'to be fair most dogs would chase chickens and cats' is no excuse for her dog hurting one of your animals, she should have had them under control. I can't stand dog owners who let their dogs run riot and then hold their hands up like they can't do anything about it.

I know you describe them as out of control but do you think that she intentionally took dangerous dogs to your house and released them into your garden?

Surely it is more likely that something unexpected happened - a gate was left open, a fence was unexpectedly jumped etc

An awful thing of course but she told you about it, apologised and offered to pay for the vet. I expect she already knew she was in the wrong and knew what she needed to do differently.

Yet, despite her being a friend of many years, already feeling bad and apologetic, you told her to get her dogs under control and that she could be charged for having dangerous dogs if they chased your neighbour's cats.

I feel that your response was inflammatory and nobody responds well to being told off. She became defensive at your reference to dangerous dogs because she doesn't equate normal dog behaviour - chasing cats and chickens - with the sort of dangerous dog that might need to be muzzled in public or be read about in the news.

I expect she bristled because her daughter was doing you a favour and she decided to distance herself.

Yes she should control her dogs.
She never should have brought them to your house in the first place.

“Chickens now shitting themselves because the neighbours’ cats are giving them the beady.”

😂

Yes, she definitely should. it's bad enough that she did such a stupid thing, but her dismissive and callous comments afterwards make it worse. The fact that her mum died recently is totally irrelevant - you have responded very moderately.

Your post touched a nerve, I admit, because my mum had a beloved rescue chicken (the last survivor of a group from a battery, and they all had wonderful personalities) which was killed by a dog which just ran into her drive from the lane one sad day. My mum was devastated, and she too died soon afterwards (unconnected, but it made it more sad to lose her pet at the end of her life). What made it worse was the dismissive attitude of the dog's owner - a chicken doesn't count - it's not a pet, is it? Well, actually, it was. So arrogant and insensitive.

So I'm on team chicken - if that's not obvious!!!