To think my marriage is over?

[Elizakicking]

We’ve been married for a few years, things changed when DS was born. We’d never argued before then - it’s now every week.

DH accuses me of starting arguments out of nowhere when really he just knows what buttons to press.

He then twists things I’ve said, events from the past, etc to complete untruths. Most of all, he accuses me of being mentally unstable and ill. His family are like this too.

He completely refuses to take any responsibly for any issues within our marriage (or life).

I know I am not, I’ve been to counselling alone and together. They all could see where I was coming from (details would be outing) and thought I was being reasonable.

This is gaslighting, isn’t it?

There’s no moving on from here, is there…my marriage is over.

I cant help thinking there is something underlying that has triggered the change in him.

Does he worry about money now there are 3 of you?
Is always looking for the next get rich quick thing?

I agree that there’s a trigger but if he won’t accept help then I’m not sure what to do.

He doesn’t worry about money. I worry about how little he worries about money

Would you mind saying what the trigger is/was?

I have absolutely no experience with this, but I'm sorry to hear you're having such a difficult time.

You say that you're worried about the backlash of you leaving and the possibility of his parents twisting what you say which could have a negative affect on how you're able to parent.

Could you speak to the therapist he thought was siding with you and ask for advice on the best way to get out of this, whilst understanding what you need to do to ensure that there is some proof of how he treats you? It's screams abusive to me and if he's as manipulative as you say he is (along with his family), I'd be focused on swotting up on what legally protects you and puts you in a better position of keeping your child with you.

Learn to grey rock and deal with him pushing your buttons - you can control him back. Work out your exit plan.

The " trigger" is usually that once you are pregnant or have a baby the abuser feels you are trapped and so they reveal their true nature.
This is the real him.
Stay calm, get your ducks in a row.
Be very very careful.
One thing he is likely to try is to push you into reactive abuse to "prove" his story of you being mentally unstable.