To think my baby has autism?

[CanStopWillStop]

I've asked DH and DM but they've shut me down pretty quickly, need a second (third,fourth etc) opinion.

DD (11mths) has been reaching milestones as far as I knew, early crawler, early walker, sitting up etc.

However I got my 1 year check survey and was surprised by a few of the questions, namely: does your child respond to your voice/when you call their name.

DD hardly does either. She also doesn't make great eye contact like other babies. I go to play groups, so I see how other babies look me in eye, DD doesn't really do that often. DH and DM don't see other babies, so they don't really get what i mean.

I'm going to the doctors check up next week but I've been doing research an apparently 'answering to name' should be an early milestone (6-8months) and now I'm worried I missed the red flags and feeling pretty shit about it tbh as I know early intervention helps with autism.

Anyones LOs similar to mine? AIBU to think it's probably autism?

I appreciate your sentiment however no one in this thread has said there is anything wrong with autism or spoken with dread about the possibility of anyone being neurodivergent.

A family member of DH’s was diagnosed at 2. It was obvious before 1 that she had autism. It’s hard to explain but she was so very clearly “different.” I think the parents knew/suspected very early on as they were querying different things with me when she was 9 months old. Failing to respond to her name and not giving eye contact were two of the concerns that I can remember. She was also not even trying to talk.

She’s five now and beginning to form simple sentences but she is quite severely affected.

I hope that your daughter is absolutely fine. If it’s only now because of the form that you are concerned I suspect your worries may be unfounded. Good luck - parenting is one worry after another!

Just to add, of course autism is not necessarily something to dread - but in a lot of cases it is very far from easy. The family members mentioned about have an extremely difficult, challenging life and I am grateful every day that we are not going through the same thing. It’s one of the reasons we stopped at one child.

@DixonD yes! with both my son and daughter I had concerns from their earliest days. In my son's red book I was raising concerns of him being unlike my older ones at six weeks although I didn't know what was wrong. Ds was born on the cusp of the rise in numbers so autism wasn't as well known then. With dd having already had ds, but with them being like chalk and cheese, I knew when she was four months old.

there is nothing wrong with autism

I don't know about wrong but it is a disability, not some kind of great superpower. Having problems with social communication is always going to be problematic when you are part of a social species melting down because your socks feel wrong has its drawbacks also.

My Ds2 is autistic, he's amazing. But if he wasn't autistic he'd still be amazing and his life would also be a hell of a lot easier day to day. So yes OP if your dd has autism there will be positives and negatives but it's natural to be concerned.

What on Earth do you mean “there’s nothing wrong with autism”?

If that's to me @Itisbetter then I'm quoting the OP.

I’m autistic so I often find myself musing on whether my DD is, too. She didn’t respond to her name until all of a sudden she did at 12 months. I just keep in mind that they all develop at different times - she’s a little behind other babies but she had a difficult start.

Also, no-one has said they ‘dread’ their child being autistic, but as someone who IS, I can understand parents who hope that their child won’t have to cope with the additional difficulties that autism can create in life. I love my daughter to the end of the earth and I will always love her no matter what, but I hope she’s not autistic because, quite frankly, sometimes being autistic is absolutely fucking shit 👍

Thanks for all your messages, much appreciated – and it's sad that I have to get support that I'm not being unreasonable from MN instead of DH (a thread for another day I suppose lol) good night all <3 i will return with an outcome if I learn anything!

I’m child psychologist and My DS both autistic. Both doesn’t respond to their name when called and not pointing. The pointing part is very important.

no need to panic yet. But its good for you to address it in the next appointment.

That's great if it's your experience but I think you need to be more realistic about the struggles for many autistic people and their parents. If my daughter has autism I won't love her any less, it's because I love her so much that I worry. Life is hard enough but it's harder for ND people living in a NT world. My nephew is HFA and he is doing great but there have been many difficulties along the way. My best friends son has had a horrendous time, these are my personal experiences with autism so yes, I'm scared that daughter may be autistic for those reasons and there is very little help out there and parents are often afraid of the unknown, it's not a slight on anyone with autism so please don't take it that way.

I have two autistic children. I would say that 18 months to 2 years is the time that you can start to see differences from NT kids more. By 18 months, they should be pointing to things to share interest. Play is also very important. A child who does not have much interest in toys should be kept an eye on.

But with all that said, you can have a child with completely normal language development who still turns out to be autistic. One of mine was not diagnosed until age 9.

I’m a big advocate of early diagnosis if it fits . Otherwise people expect your child to be able to do things they simply can’t. And that’s just not fair.

@CanStopWillStop I'm in a very similar situation with my 11 month old DD.

She's doing great in so many ways but since she's been 3 months old her eye contact hasn't been great and it's always been a concern, she will not hold it and will not give any eye contact close up. Now as she's almost one she's still not saying mama or dada or any words. She stims a lot, the most concerning is the movement of her feet and toes as she does it frequently and I've never seen it before in other babies. She does babble but she was late to start at 9 months. She scratches EVERYTHING it's excessive, and is still mouthing everything. She's just less engaged than other babies so for instance in the bath she'll swivel her body away from me so I'm facing the back of her head. She rarely copies but will mimic a cough but no other sounds even if she can babble them. She can't follow a point and often won't even look as we can't get her to look round as her name response is at around 50%. She was late to crawl, just a week before she turned 11 months and she's still not pulling up to stand though she is trying.

On a positive note she's always been a very smiley baby, will laugh a lot, lifts everything she gets her hands on to show me and will try and feed me. She loves other children and is interested in people.

It's hard to describe everything, even when it's written I don't feel it gives the full picture, there is just something different going on. My DH basically shuts down every discussion, he doesn't want to even go there and I find it incredibly frustrating. It's hard to know where to turn and I do feel unsupported and anxious without an outlet so I understand where you're coming from.

Hi op you are doing the right thing keeping it in mind and following it up. If nothing else you are prepared to get everything in place for her asap should she need it.
Our experience. You could see with my nephew from very early, as he never tracked faces as a small babe in arms or even looked at his fingers and tried to bring them to his mouth. His newborn stage seemed to last for much longer and he was the only baby I knew who would be happy to be just put down and left.
He was only formally diagnosed at the end of reception which was hugely frustrating. As soon as he changed schools to one with a unit specialising in ASD he flourished in every single way.

@LabiaMinoraPissusFlapus you are incredibly naive. Especially if there are ND people in the family.

Of course OP is still going to love her baby no matter what. And yes it is part of who they are (they’re not unwell).

But surely you must realise that life is harder for ND people? That if the child is autistic they will need additional support to be able to thrive in a world not built for people who think like they do. And the earlier the better.

My 6 year old is still on the path to diagnosis (maybe ASD, maybe ADHD, maybe just a bit further up the sleeve than the average bear). She is getting some support already based on what we do know and it is making a huge difference. But she is still a very stressed, often angry and anxious child who seems to be working 3 times as hard as everyone else to get the same results. And that is just not sustainable.

We don’t want to change who she is but we do want to make it possible for her to not be permanently stressed and anxious.

OP I third (10th?) getting hearing checked. My other kid aced their newborn test and has ongoing hearing issues - which are hard to detect because she can hear some sounds as clearly as you or me and some
not at all.

Tbh lack of eye contact and not responding to name are pretty often telltale signs. Look out also for lack of babbling and pointing. Also, lining toys up rather than actually playing with them.

Don't upset yourself because you "missed" signs. It took till I was 20 and sought my own diagnosis for my self before my mum realised I was autistic! Although, credit to her, she's also undiagnosed autistic so just thought "I do that so it's normal" 🤣

@Mamai90 what is she does with her feet?

I have a very ND family. My autistic kids all responded to their name and looked at me. They all achieved milestones early (super early in some cases) and no alarm bells went off. Hence diagnosis was late coming but they are autistic without question. The only label we got early on was 'gifted'.

Autism isn't awful. I know lots of autistic people who are doing quite well for themselves. It is, however, full of struggles, even though it has its own strengths it brings. On balance, it would be much easier for my children not to be autistic. They have harder lives because of it but they are still amazing and interesting people living full lives their own way. (And none of them have ever had a meltdown over their socks).

My Grandson doesn't point. He has just turned 1. I have lots of children myself, but I can't remember when any of them pointed. When would you typically expect them to be doing that?

Does she bring you toys or books ? Does she try to get your attention by looking at you ? Does she react to you coming into or leaving the room ? Does she ever point to try to get your attention?

No one has done that. No one suggested they wouldn't, or don't love their child for who they are.

My autistic husband who was not diagnosed until the age of 45 is significantly impacted by the difficulties he faces. It has not been at all easy for my son either.

I had similar concerns about my child at this age. It was hearing. Despite passing all the hearing tests and being able to hear a key in the door. He had glue ear and just wasn't picking up the speech frequency.

I can almost pinpoint exactly when it has cleared and come back as his speech and response similarly spike and ebb.

Get the hearing test.

Also completely normal for all babies to flap their hands. It's how they learn about their body. Be aware but dont torture yourself looking for things that aren't an issue.

My 3yo son was recently confirmed to have glue ear. So, although he passed his hearing tests, his ability to hear can fluctuate. I didn't even consider that he had any hearing issues as he seems to hear the quietest noises at times. He has been assessed for autism but that's inconclusive just now.

He's having grommets inserted next week so it'll be interesting to see if it makes a difference.

We are on the conveyor belt a bit further on and I completely understand the stress and uncertainty about it all.

Adding to my stress was the fact that HV, doctors were so dismissive. Tbh we didn't immediately think autism as gross and fine motor and odd tone were the original points of concern but as my child has got older even the professionals have suggested asd. Of course, the stress of it all caused me to have a breakdown and lose my own ability to mask. I had no idea I was autistic but agree with others knowing that would have made a lot of things easier and might have led to better outcomes. I'm so hf that people would have scoffed or assigned me to the superpower pile, but looking back my autism has caused every single one of my professional and personal problems and not having a diagnosis has left my husband to pick up the pieces at the point in our lives when everything should be slotting into place and meant I had zero support or understanding elsewhere, so I would encourage you to pursue it even when others try to 'reassure' you.

Of course you love your child. The fact that you are worried and have noticed confirms this.

@U2Hastheedge you should be looking for pointing (as a means of demonstrating shared attention) by 18 months. It's quite normal for a child of 12 months not to point.

Incidentally ds2 met all his early milestones, made good eye contact pointed etc as a baby/toddler and was still diagnosed with autism as a teen. Looking back we should have picked it up earlier (around 7/8) but before that the signs (other than the gross motor stereotypy) were really subtle