Asking DH to put the kids to the bed for once

[Fruityhouse]

I always end up putting the kids to bed but I’m so tired tonight that I’m feeling like getting them to ask DH to put them to bed. DH won’t put them to bed if I ask but I’m thinking he might if the kids ask him. Aibu to get the kids to ask DH to put them to bed?

Assuming they are DH's kids, why on earth won't he put them to bed?!? And why do you put up with this learned incompetence?!?

They are not his kids

why do you put them to bed every night? His children too!

Just say "family, I'm really tired, think I might be coming down with something, I need to lie down. Kids, love you, sleep well, Dad will put you to bed."

Short term, YANBU as you’re exhausted and now is not the time for you know what…

A serious conversation about why it’s always you putting them to bed and a fairer division of labour.

Sorry, just seen your second post.
i agree with PP, just say how exhausted you are this evening and would appreciate some help

So why have you married someone so utterly useless?

He’s agreed to put them to bed as a one off, I’m going to bed now as well because I’m so tired

If your kids need to be put to bed, they seem young. Why would you make such a bad choice in husband if he treats your kids like this?

Treat them like what? She puts her own children to bed, but when she asks him to do it he does… I can’t see the horror based on what she’s said

If they’re not his kids and you don’t live together and he’s just a boyfriend then Ok maybe he doesn’t need to be putting your kids to be.

But seems like you’ve married him? So does he treat your kids like they’re his?

Does he not put them to bed because he feels uncomfortable with it? Perhaps he feels like it’s something you should do as he’s not the parent…

but then if they have a good relationship and he acts like a parent the rest of the time and he’s just a lazy prat - well, in that case you need to speak up and tell him you need a little more help. If he’s not prepared to help you, then you make your decisions on whether you want to maintain a relationship with someone who chooses not to help you even when you ask.

He’s always refused in the past, and even now he’s said he’ll only do it as a one off but not again in future

Does he parent them generally? Is their dad around?

Why doesn’t he like your children? Why do you want to bring your children up in a house with a man who doesn’t like them?

In the same way step mothers aren't expected to do anything for 'his' kids I'd say he shouldn't have to 'parent' your kids. In a family, however, it is nice to help each other out now and then and if this helps his relationship with his stepchildren it is a nice thing to do.

Now you get it? Although it was explained from the very first post. Op always does it, why should she? Even if it's not his kids, he gets to treat them as if they are spare parts?

I asked a follow up question… I don’t ‘get it’, I still don’t necessarily think he’s shit based on what she’s said, she’s said very little actually, hence follow up question.

The fact that she puts her own children to bed doesn’t mean he treats them like spare parts unless there’s more to it…

How old are your kids?! How long has he been part of their lives?!

My two are 4 and 6 and we read a story downstairs then they brush their teeth and head up to bed! (Bath and pjs happens just after tea!). I give them a kiss goodnight and tuck them in but it's hardly a chore!

Totally agree

Well, I mean you don’t normally let a new man bathe and put your little children to bed. They won’t be comfortable with him and pedophile predators target single mums to get at children. So, it’s actually wise for the OP to have always been doing it for the initial few years and after marriage imho.

The issue is now he has obviously proven he’s a good egg, the DC have bonded with him and now OP needs to discuss Co-parenting as he’s a full step dad at this point.

So there’s very good reason for why she has always done it up until now.

Wow, what woman marries a man if he needs to prove he isn't a paedo? I would think that would be a very important thing to make sure of first before marrying him. Maybe others do things differently?

Why won’t he usually do it? Because he feels uncomfortable as not his kids, or because it’s a chore he doesn’t want to do? In some ways not his kids so understand but in another it hardly feels like any kind of partnership

So when he asks them to pass him the salt, or bring him the remote control or bring him a glass of water, get them to say 'I'll do it this once, but not again' or whatever gobshitey stuff it was he came out with.

Are you really this ignorant or just trying to wind me up?
You cannot be unaware of the fact that numerous paedos mask their intentions until after marriage. It’s after marriage they start abusing their step children. In fact girls are at most risk from step fathers than any other male for sex abuse.
It’s not because women aren’t making sure of it first, it’s because they are very practiced charmers and liars (way to victim blame there).

It’s the same with physically abusive men- many mask until after marriage and having got you pregnant. Then the gloves come off and the monster emerges.

This is how it is in reality. You’re incredibly naive if you think women can spot these monsters when they’re actively masking, lovebombing and charming you.

Why won't he help you ? How old are they ?