Telling off from mother

[LDA123]

Was in park with my children and Mum. We fed some animals and I promised my daughter that we could buy a some more food later and feed them again as they really enjoyed it. About 10 mins before we were due to leave (I had an appointment) I gave my daughter the money and she went to buy the food but my Mum stopped her before she had chance (was also in shop) and said that we were leaving so she can’t buy any.

My daughter came back upset that she wasn’t now allowed to feed the animals. I explained that I said she could and we have time so I went to buy the food and we fed them. But then my Mum came over and started losing her temper shouting at me that I’m being too weak etc. We ended up arguing in the park which upset my younger daughter. I tried to explain that I’d agreed and there is time but she was just losing it.

AIBU to be really annoyed and upset by this? I can’t believe she started a fight in the park on a family day out with my children and also she was calling me a terrible parent in front of them ☹️

YANBU. Is your mum often like this?

Why are you doubting yourself? Does she often make you doubt yourself?

I don’t see her that often really as she doesn’t live locally. It’s the first time she has started this sort of fight in a park ☹️

I feel she is quick to tell me all my shortcomings or her opinion of what my shortcomings are.

She sounds like my mother.

She was out of order. You'd be within your rights to give her a wide berth after this.

What do you think would be the response if you tried to discuss it?

She sounds ridiculous. Next time 'I'm not falling out with you over this Mum, this is not your decision, you are free to go if you want to'.

I don’t think she would listen as she thinks she knows best.

I mean, surely if you disapprove of my parenting, the best way to deal with it is to have a quiet chat, perhaps when kids in bed? Not start a fight in front of them in a park. I literally can’t even bring myself to talk to her.

Give yourself a couple of days to calm down and tell her that if she’s unhappy with you again in the future, she needs to calmly discuss it with you and not in front of your children. If she makes excuses, doesn’t apologise or keeps criticising you, I’d distance myself from her as much as possible and tell her why.

My mother told me off because I didn't give my daughter a cooked breakfast with bacon and egg every day. Did she do that for me? No she didn't. There were many other examples but my adult daughter and I laugh about them now. Very annoying at the time though.

Sympathies and hugs OP, my mother is just like this. She constantly undermines my parenting skills, or apparant lack thereof, usually very loudly in public. She once told me, being deathly serious, that my children should be taken away from me when I ordered a McDonalds for tea on the night our oven died. Head on over to the Stately Homes thread, the world of full of mothers like this.

Some mothers are just toxic OP so its up to you to break the cycle if she is
My mother (since passed) treated me like an adult when I was a child but as a child when I was an adult

How can a mother "tell you off" when you are yourself a mother? It makes no sense. Just don't bite and completely ignore her if she interferes like this. Certainly do not engage with the substance of her grumble - just tell her: "My child, my decision".

My mum criticises my parenting too although not quite as overtly as you experienced from your mum. It drives me mad, when she is with me and DD its ljke she's got 2 kids with her and she assumes 'person in charge ' role. I'm trying to dial back contact with her now. If your mum is anything like mine she won't care that it's upset you,won't accept any wrongdoing or apologise, leaving you open to it happening in future.

I have GC and I can confidently state that I do not always agree with my DDs' parenting decisions - but I respect their right to make them and say nowt. I would have been furious if my mother had interfered in this way.
I also take every opportunity to tell them how well they are doing as parents.
I find your mother's attitude entirely unacceptable and cannot imagine what she is aiming to do.

That’s a good point Mischance. If you do discuss it with your mother, you should ask her what she was aiming to do by speaking to you like that? Does she not like you? Would she talk to other people like that?

Well if it was MY little ones, my mother wouldn't be seeing them for quite a while..

It sounds like she was undermining you before she lost it at you - does she do that often? I feel sorry for you poor daughter, if I were you I'd cool things down with your mum until she can behave like an adult.

*your poor daughter.

Where is the Stately homes thread? Sounds like I need to check it out.

She was staying with me when this happened and ended up deciding to go home early. I haven’t heard from her since, deadly silence. She obviously knew I was annoyed/upset but perhaps I should of have it out with her. It was tricky as all the kids are home for half term, she goes to bed early (or at least hides in her room) and I absolutely didn’t want the kids to hear any arguing.

This is very similar.