Halloween - arguing about costumes and sweets

[mamamuminka]

Hello! A mum I know has just shared an after-school Halloween activity in her neighborhood and I thought I could pop in with my 4yo tomorrow evening.
I mentioned to my child I may have time to buy a costume before we go. My husband was really annoyed by this, as he thinks (and I mostly agree) it's wasteful and terrible for the environment to buy single-use outfits of polyester. We normally buy second hand clothes for children and often for ourselves too and don't buy many, if any, plastic decorations for Christmas, Easter, Diwali etc and I don't mind, in fact I really like this about our family.

However, it's too late to organize a borrowed costume, and I also know that sometimes it just feels nice to have a proper superhero or pumpkin outfit from a shop. I usually did not like the cardboard creations my mum always came up with at last minute when I was a child, and don't want my kid to be disappointed. We also have another event next week, and a younger child who could use the costume at least a couple of times before we pass it on so it will not be SO bad to have a costume at home.

Now, Halloween is not something we ever celebrated as children and it is something we associate with American culture, but I know the origins of the celebrations are not American, and as my kids are British I think it's part of their heritage in a way now. Apart from being annoyed about the costume, my husband also didn't like the idea of sweets - and this whole thing just makes me want to just give up and not even try as it will either end up in my child being disappointed by lack of costume (maybe I'm projecting onto him though and he won't care?), or endure silent treatment from husband for daring to buy a tacky outfit and joining in on the fun.
Deep inside I think the idea of Halloween appeals to me as it offers a different perspective on death and passing than the one I grew up in, and in a way it could offer my youngster a different perspective to think about death later on when he's a bit older.

What are your thoughts on finding compromise in a situation like this? Atm I feel like my husband is just sapping out all joy out of my idea for a nice afternoon.

Stick him all in black and pain his face like a skeleton.

I agree with your husband. I enjoy Halloween and soo do my children. We take part in trick or treat and I’m happy for them to gorge themselves on sweets for a couple of days. But we do tend to make the costumes, or but second hand.

Ive always loved Halloween, even as a child. My parents didn't have much disposable income but as soon as I was in secondary school I would organise little Halloween parties for my siblings and best friends. Make decorations and we would dress up with what ever we would find. I never had a proper ship bought costume.

Unfortunately my DH really dislikes Halloween, and all the fuss as he thinks it's too Americanised.

I've always tried to have little Halloween celebrations with either just us a family or with a few friends, and my DH sees how excited the kids get and might not like it, but he does support me and helps me.

I don't like the environmental waste so I try and buy better costumes if I can so that they can be reused eg for book day. I also have a box of Halloween decorations where I try and buy nice decorations that can be reused.

Re the sweets, mine may collect sweets but they don't eat much over Halloween and I save them as treats when we go for walks or have friends over

Halloween costumes. Buy big and they will last 2 years at least, and then hand them on. Or there may be some in charity shops still.

Charity shops are amazing for Halloween costumes. You can buy one 2-3 sizes too big, use for a few years, then give back to the charity shop. It doesn’t have to be single use or new.

This doesn't sound like a Halloween problem. It sounds like a husband problem.

Is he always a prick if he doesn't get his own way?

When do you ever get to do what you want?

No Halloween outfit has to be single use. Buy big, use again next year, put with the dressing up clothes so it can be used year round, pass on when you're done.

He's making a real mountain out of a mole hill here.

Mine used to wear a cheap black hooded cloak with black/dark clothing under, and a mask. The cloak used to double up for book day (Harry Potter!) Keep it simple!

There are loads of Vguc costumes on Facebook Marketplace. I’d always look here first before buying new for this kind of thing. Most are around £5.

Is the party while he's at work? If so but a costume, hide it, do your party! No harm done, sweets wise just hide most of them from him and dole them out periodically when they deserve a treat. Don't make the children miss out because your husbands an arse.

Really don't do this. Roping your kid on a lie is awful.

Just get a costume, reuse it. Don't give sweets all at once. Problem solved

A superhero costume will have nothing at all to do with halloween.

In your shoes id try to buy an actual garment rather than a very obvious "outfit" made of polyester (the stupid zombie ones are particularly bad for just looking like ripped rags). They are always hopelessly impractical.

Eg a top with ghost, skeleton or spider patterns etc that can be worn again. DS has a skeleton top he wears whenever.

Or buy halloween themed pjs that can be worn as an outfit but reused as pjs year round at home.

Also - is money an issue? If you are short of it he is absolutely not unreasonable.
I'm not sure why its worth arguing over anyway. In our house we each contribute to the joint account for bills & things the children actually need, then we buy "extras" from our own spending money left from our wages. It resolves these kids of disputes because he knows full well he has no say in how i spend the money i have spare from my earnings.

Silent treatment from your husband if tot don’t do what he wants is not acceptable.

Your poor child. What a boring life it sounds like he’s going to have! Buy the costume, buy the sweets.

Don’t compromise. Get him a get costume and let him eat sweets - he’s a kid, let him have fun.

If your husband wants to be a miserable twat he can do it on his own without affecting anyone else.

A shop bought outfit will last a couple of Halloweens at least. You could always donate to a charity shop just before Halloween when it's outgrown. Some people are killjoys, ignore and enjoy your child s excitement.

Haha it did of course cross my mind but would not want to hide it or ask kids to participate in lying, we'll have to find another way!:)

School uniform, a stick (aka) wand, harry potter lightning scar and a pair of glasses. It doesn't have to be bought (although I bought a costume for my lot so no judgement).

Does the joyless, petulant DH have any redeeming qualities?

Things change. I hate Halloween and all its associated crap but I have DC and they like it so I bite my tongue. We don't do a full on Halloween but if there is a party (there often is as a relative usually has one as does the kids school) then they are allowed to dress up etc.

Thank you for your thoughts, I love to hear different views - shows we all can see the same issue in a different light and that's ok, just like in marriage.

I agree there are two issues 1) Halloween 2) husband:)

1. I love the suggestion of paint and/or some normal black or orange clothes that can be re-worn so will get creative tonight. Loved all other second hand suggestions but unfortunately on this occasion I won't have enough time for Marketplace/Vinted etc. Lesson for next years, and I'm sure having a few outfits at home will avoid us similar dilemmas and last minute panic in the future!

2. He's usually very amicable and easygoing, but for some reason Halloween and Valentines get him - the decorations, the commercialization, I think in his mind they symbolize mindless consumption and that's why he gets upset and comes across as really "hard core". There are a few other environmental habits that he's super passionate about (like not using paper towels which is not always easy with two kids, he doesn't like takeaways because of trash it generates) and his black-or-white thinking gets me even when overall I agree with him. If he was like this in all aspects of life it would be super difficult but in fact for almost anything else most our friends would say I'm more dictatorial:) I'm easier on myself when doing the eco-friendly thing is too much for me as a tired parent.

Halloween is often the first time that parents are confronted with the fact their child is growing up in a different time and society to the one they did. In my youth Halloween was a fairly minor event. Times have changed and its now one of the biggest occasions for children and teenagers.

Your husband could do with putting himself in his child's shoes and not his own. Four years old is a fun and magical age, of course they want a costume! Shop bought can still be sustainable as you can reuse it many times and then donate to charity.

A superhero costume will have nothing at all to do with halloween

Loads of kids wear superhero costumes for Halloween.

Wise words. And yes, I'm excited about the magic and fun for my son!

Agree with the poster saying all in black clothes and skeleton facepaint (or mask) or bat ears! Easy.

Can you compromise at some fangs and a bit of black/ white face paint, perhaps an old bit of black cloth/garment tied as a cape and be a vampire and red lippy for blood?
Although honestly why do you have to answer to this man?, but that’s another issue .