To be a little bit worried for teenage Ds ?

Redkettle · 27/10/2022 08:58

Mine are the same. I have an adult daughter and a teenager. They want to do things but their friends are always home . I see them missing out on fun things and now they can't be bothered half the time as no-one will go out. I blame social media. They would rather sit in their rooms than go outside. It's made them introverted.

Original poster

Notbeinfunnehbut · 27/10/2022 09:09

It’s a shame really isn’t it I mean I’m introverted but I feel it’s taken to a new level

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MissVantaBlack · 27/10/2022 09:23

I think this is becoming more common. Would he be interested in doing some fun activities with you, as a family day out? Go Ape, an escape room, a trip to the cinema etc. Mine will go almost anywhere with me if it includes getting food (eg McDonalds - doesn't have to be expensive)! I know it's not the same as them spending time with their friends, but at least it's getting them out of the house and doing something different.

Original poster

Notbeinfunnehbut · 27/10/2022 11:13

We do occasionally drag him out although often opts to stay at home , just doesn’t seem to want to go out with friends socially I’ve suggested he initiates but I don’t want to go on at him either

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Original poster

Notbeinfunnehbut · 27/10/2022 23:07

Bump

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XelaM · 28/10/2022 05:24

I think all you can do is try to drag him out of the house for any family days out and try to force/bribe him to do a weekly activity outside of school. Is there anything he might enjoy? Maybe something to do with gaming/coding or a sport? He could meet friends there. My daughter's closest friends are from outside of school (horse riding)

Dacadactyl · 28/10/2022 05:26

My DD is 15 and is often out and about with friends. I would be concerned if she wasn't too.

Does he do any activities outside of school? Like maybe martial arts, football, athletics etc?

aramox1 · 28/10/2022 06:43

Mine's like this too, can't help worrying. It's not normal for us but it may be for them? Very little you can do if encouraging more activity doesn't help.

PhotoDad · 28/10/2022 06:47

DS is like that, but he does have an outdoorsy weekend hobby with other folk.

DD was even more introverted than your DS. She's only come out of her shell and "found her tribe" now she's at uni (where she's finally found people who care about the same things she does). So my inclination would be to leave him be. Just try to get him out of the house from time to time!

Original poster

Notbeinfunnehbut · 28/10/2022 10:08

No has no interests outside of home really he shares a room with his younger sibling who has football trophies, medals and swimming certificates and I feel bad for him almost,

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Didiplanthis · 28/10/2022 10:12

DD is similar. She does have hobbies which take her out but otherwise she is at home. I check her phone periodically as agreed when she got it, bur there's never anything on it to check !!

Dacadactyl · 28/10/2022 10:25

Has he expressed an interest in taking up any hobbies?

I would gently try to encourage him in this direction. Or you could join an activity yourself e.g martial arts and get him to go kng with you if you think he'd be anxious about going on his own in the first instance.

Original poster

Notbeinfunnehbut · 28/10/2022 10:54

Didiplanthis · 28/10/2022 10:12

DD is similar. She does have hobbies which take her out but otherwise she is at home. I check her phone periodically as agreed when she got it, bur there's never anything on it to check !!

This! I said to DH one day I’m looking forward to him actually getting in some trouble 🙈

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hairyunicorn · 28/10/2022 10:58

From 12 to 15 our son has no interest in friendships outside of school. Was talking to people at school but never make the effort to met up outside of school. He seemed lonely and i was worried. Forward on to age 17 and this kid is never at home, always going over to friends houses and meeting up for days out. I think some boys just take longer than others. Have faith, things can change x

Spookyscary · 28/10/2022 11:13

I have no answers op but you're not alone.

My 14 year old son has friends at school, very happy at school but he doesn't see anyone outside school.

He plays football in a team and goes to explorers but other than that no socialising at all. He doesn't even play online with any friends.

I worry about him a lot. We do force him to come out with us as a family, we will go swimming or to theme parks, we even force him out to the park with his younger brother and dh will have a kick about with him while his brother plays, but of course he's much less interested in doing things with us. Majority of time is spent in his room or kicking his hall around the garden.

I only hope that as he gets older friendships will develop.

SpentDandelion · 28/10/2022 11:24

I wouldn't worry, if he was unhappy he'd be trying to change things. Young males are not made to feel too welcome in a lot of places. They get heavily criticised for not going out but society views them as a nuisance, my son loved cycling but got so many snidyy remarks even when on cycling path he doesn't bother now, same with his running, he now runs indoors on treadmill.

SpentDandelion · 28/10/2022 11:25

Snidy

Original poster

Notbeinfunnehbut · 28/10/2022 11:39

hairyunicorn · 28/10/2022 10:58

From 12 to 15 our son has no interest in friendships outside of school. Was talking to people at school but never make the effort to met up outside of school. He seemed lonely and i was worried. Forward on to age 17 and this kid is never at home, always going over to friends houses and meeting up for days out. I think some boys just take longer than others. Have faith, things can change x

Thanks I needed to hear this

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LyndaSnellsSniff · 28/10/2022 23:57

My DS 16 is similar. He plays D&D with a nice group of kids and chats with them online too, but he has no interest in going out and about anywhere else. But he's content as he is and I'm not going to force to be someone he isn't. He's become less sociable as he's gotten older and I think a lot of it is about fitting in and trying to find their place in the world.

Given some of the scrapes I hear of other teens getting into, I feel quite relieved he's tucked away in his own little world!

Zodfa · 29/10/2022 00:03

I'm an introvert, had lots of good friends at school but for much of my time there didn't really see or talk to them outside it. I think being introverted the social interaction I got at school was more than enough!

Wineiscooling · 29/10/2022 00:14

I have DS the Same. He’s nearly 15. Absolutely no interaction outside of school with anyone and to be honest I’m not sure how much interaction in school. He’s happy at home and I do force him out with me and his brother at times but I’ve accepted if he’s happy and safe at home there isn’t anything to be concerned about. He’s not sporty and we’ve encouraged hobbies over the years but he’s just never taken to anything. I hope one day he meets his tribe and enjoys going out like I did in my teen years but until then I’m not putting any pressure on him.

NellyTimes · 29/10/2022 00:18

My DD is 14 and pretty much the same. So many parents I know say the same about their young teens at the moment, I wonder if this is the knock on effect from lockdown. At the time of their lives when they should have started going out and meeting friends, they were all stuck inside and socialising via phones and social media just became the norm to them.

Pinkbananas01 · 29/10/2022 00:25

All mine have been like this as younger teens. At around 15 DS1 started going to friends more often, cinema etc occasionally by 16 out most weekends to friends houses but limited with covid. By 17 parties began, 18yr old student now, lives at home but barely seen. DS 2 following same pattern although a bit later again due to covid but at 16 now out fairly regularly. DD13 has barely been out since starting high school but happy & always said she's got plenty friends. Just in past month has suddenly begun to see friends out with school.
As long as your DS is happy I wouldn't be too worried. Covid restrictions have affected teenagers socially quite a lot but he will soon be out partying & you'll have other things to worry about!

Goldencarp · 29/10/2022 00:38

Notbeinfunnehbut · 27/10/2022 08:52

He is introverted and has a small group of friends which is fine I was similar but my worry is outside of school he really talks ,sees no one. At this age I was at least going out sometimes but DS not at all and doesn’t seem to chat on WhatsApp or phonecall and only very occasionally on voice chat play station, im a bit worried he is lonely or worse getting used to being lonely.
He did have a birthday recently and a decent amount of people turned up and talks to people at school but outside of that nothing really,
Anyone else’s son like this or should I be worried?

We had the same conversation about our 15 year old tonight. He hasn’t left the house this half term except for a few dog walks and a shop with me. He barely left the house all summer either. This week I haven’t heard him on the play station with anyone either. I find it do sad. He says he is fine and his friends are all busy. He’s always surrounded himself with female friends and I just think the girls don’t want him around any more.