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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not go and see DH family

18 replies

rdrd · 26/10/2022 22:23

Name changed but regular poster.

I have had 2 days of annual leave. My family were popping over for lunch today. I got up early this morning, cleaned up etc whilst DH and DC had a lie in. I didn't mind this, however, it got to 11 and no-one was still up. I woke DH and asked him to get up and give me a hand.

DH was then in a shitty mood all day. Sullen, rude and argumentative. I felt so embarrassed in front of my family and he made me feel on edge all day. Teenager DC also was in the same shitty mood and I felt so upset when my family left.

DH family have a birthday event at the weekend. No money paid in advance, don't think I will be particularly missed. DH family are often rude and ignorant anyway. AIBU to not go? I begrudge spending money (dinner out) on something I don't want to do, with people I don't want to do it with, when he couldn't be bothered to be nice to my family.

I would just make an excuse (kids unwell etc) so as not to hurt feelings. DH can go and bring the card and gift (which I have purchased). He says I'm being petty and unreasonable but I just feel so upset and hurt at his behaviour today. I want him to feel as alone as I did today.

OP posts:
FlippityFlippityFlop · 26/10/2022 22:27

Don't go. Have a nice day to yourself.

Spicypumpkins · 26/10/2022 22:27

YANBU there’s no way I’d go especially if the family are as you describe.

id also be having a chat with dh and dc and withdrawing anything you do for them until they buck up their ideas….that means no cooking, doing their washing or generally anything that you do for them when they treat you this way.

rudebanana · 26/10/2022 22:31

He was sullen and rude towards your family and is now claiming YOU are being unreasonable by not want to see his family? Screw that. Enjoy your relaxing weekend without ‘d’h.

Iloveacurry · 26/10/2022 22:32

Don’t go. Send him off with the DCs.

themimi · 26/10/2022 22:35

Still in bed at 11? Sounds to me he was really annoyed that your family were coming over. Is this a rare day of holiday for him and is he pissed off that you have invited family over and trying to make a point? (Just trying to understand if there's an explanation beyond 'he's an arse')

Original poster
rdrd · 26/10/2022 22:48

Not a rare holiday.

He has been off work all week, I only had two days of annual leave.

He likes lying in bed. I genuinely didn't mind this but expected him to be in a good mood when he got up (seeing as I had cleaned/shopped etc).

It's made me re-evaluate my whole marriage- which may sound ridiculous. I'm just disgusted with how he got on and how he spoke to me.

OP posts:
Obki · 26/10/2022 22:52

He sounds like an utter twat. Definitely don’t go to the dinner and stop buying presents and cards for his family. Tell him now he needs to sort Christmas himself.

And yes, do evaluate your marriage, he sounds awful.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 26/10/2022 22:54

Definitely wouldn’t go. He needs to see some consequences to his actions. Not in a way as though he’s a child but, let him
see that you’re reconsidering the whole relationship. And whilst you’re at it, give the whole thing some real consideration.

coconutpie · 26/10/2022 22:55

YANBU. I would not go to the birthday and also return the gift and get a refund. Let him organise a gift instead.

Thatiswild · 26/10/2022 22:56

Agree with @coconutpie

Campfirecrash · 26/10/2022 23:20

No you don't have to go spend money on people you don't enjoy anyway but maybe you should have just stopped seeing his family every week a long time ago if that's how you feel, instead of toxically putting expectations on him to perform for your family. You seem like one of those "I sacrifice so much for you now you owe me" types when YOU made up those expectations and 'sacrifice' isn't transactionary. He was just grumpy about being woken up, no, it wasn't that early and it wasn't unreasonable but he's not required to perform a good mood when he isn't feeling one just because it makes your family happy. You are unreasonable for not letting that go, regardless of whether or not you do the same for his family, that's your choice but make it or not you aren't owed anything for doing it

Milesty1 · 26/10/2022 23:23

rdrd · 26/10/2022 22:48

Not a rare holiday.

He has been off work all week, I only had two days of annual leave.

He likes lying in bed. I genuinely didn't mind this but expected him to be in a good mood when he got up (seeing as I had cleaned/shopped etc).

It's made me re-evaluate my whole marriage- which may sound ridiculous. I'm just disgusted with how he got on and how he spoke to me.

He sounds awful and a terrible role model for your DC :( I would be reevaluating the relationship too.

OnTheBrinkOfChange · 26/10/2022 23:36

He's behaving like a spoiled brat. I wouldn't spend any time with his family if they weren't nice to me. Is there an advantage to him in you going e.g. are you driving him home pissed?

SUBisYodrethwhenLarping · 26/10/2022 23:40

How old are DC?

SUBisYodrethwhenLarping · 26/10/2022 23:42

Sorry just read again and see teenager DC Halloween BlushHalloween Blush

stardust40 · 26/10/2022 23:48

Not a chance ... his family let him go and enjoy them! I'd let him make the excuses!

joycerousselot · 02/05/2023 22:30

Go ahead with the gastric flu (always a good let out). Don't waste your breath on them and I would have a word to say to the SO and daughter - who gets shitty about 11 am - well the daughter OK but not him !

joycerousselot · 02/05/2023 22:31

Me toom go with coconut pie

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