This is going to be a long one, so I apologise now but I need to get Had a very weird encounter at the weekend and really not sure what to do.
my ex H and I split up in 2008 after 5 years of marriage. Finally got divorced in 2012 after being in no contact since he left. I found his address via a mutual friend and filed in the courts without warning him. He signed the papers with no contact about it and everything went through ok.
I have a child from a relationship prior to the marriage who is now 30.
He has a child who was born before we got together. Child was born in 2000. The child’s mother died around 2004/2005, I can’t remember the exact date
After the death of the mother, the child went to live with their grandparents as we didn’t have room in a tiny 2 bed house and the ex MIL was fully on board and insisted. I didn’t get on with MIL. Very toxic woman.
Literally haven’t seen the child since we split in 2008.
At the weekend I was at an event with my daughter and my Ex SC was also at this event as a customer/browser. My daughter and ex SC got talking as they didn’t realise who each other was. After ex SC walked away, I told my daughter who it was. she was stunned and surprised to say the least.
Ex SC came back and they got talking again. After 20 minutes my daughter revealed who she was and who I was. I didn’t have a problem with this at all as it was no fault of theirs what has happened in the past. They hugged, ex SC asked if I could have a hug and we got talking.
During the conversation it seems ex SC has absolutely nothing to do with their father as he remarried in 2018 and has two other children with his second wife who are under the age of 10 I think. The new wife is apparently vile and accused my ex SC of hurting one of the step siblings in spite, and a number of other accusations. Ex SC denies all this and was quite visibly upset. Seems there may be some autism in ex SC as her mother was and we have autism in the family so I recognise the signs. The ex SC is now living as a trans individual who is in a happy and safe relationship. I am happy about this as they came across as a lovely individual who was so excited to find their ex step-sister and they talked like old friends. They still live with the grandparents at the moment and says that the grandparents have washed their hands of any relationship with their son so things are obviously very stressful and strains for my ex SC as they have panic attacks whenever they come face to face with their father and I’m not entirely sure what’s caused this extreme reaction.
Ex SC went off and came back an hour or so later so I took a step back and let my daughter and ex SC talk. They seemed to really hit it off which was nice to see considering the 8 year age gap and the fact they haven’t seen each other in 14 years.
my dilemma is, how do I handle this? Would you
A. stay out of it and have nothing to do with them as it’s a long time ago and just leave my daughter and the ex SC to have a bond if they wish
B. Stay in touch but stay at a distance and no interact unless needs be
C. Become friends and build a relationship with them. Not becoming a mother figure though. I don’t have a right to that and it wouldn’t be the moral thing to do anyway.
Ex SC knows I didn’t get on with their Grandmother but told me that they rang her after the reveal to tell her what had happened with meeting us and apparently she said ‘to say Hello to Starburst’ and ‘is she being nice to you?’
i know if my ex H gets wind of this shit could hit the fan as I really don’t think he’d be happy. Neither would his wife who I have heard of through mutual friends prior to this all happening at the weekend.
I’ll also add that there is no jealousy at all from me at his relationship as I’ve been with someone for 10 years and very happy in my own right.
so oh wise ones, what the hell do I do??
well done if you got to the bottom of this!