To just moan about study issues that are entirely my own poor judgment

[Notanothernobhead]

I’m a mature student . Final year . My attendance is shit . First year was covid so luckily that was all taught online . Last year I had all sorts going on and only showed up to campus 3 times. Completed / submitted the work and scored an average of 70 across the modules so I got away with it . The meetings / lectures etc are a total waste of time. They show slides and read the the contents that could just be emailed over . We never have deep discussions and it’s all really basic and boring. It wouldn’t be such an issue if it wasn’t a nearly 2 hr commute each way so therefore 4 hrs on a train to sit through an hour of someone explaining the absolute obvious and suggesting books I’ve already read. I have a busy household to run and extremely limited time and energy. Anyway , I’m plodding through everything nicely and set to submit everything that’s due shortly and there’s a component that’s marked as a face to face thing. I absolutely hate these as I’m hugely introverted and don’t like talking to people . But I appreciate it’s got to be done . I’ve received an email just now saying I have to do this tomorrow!!
it’s all prepared and written up but I wasn’t planning to be there tomorrow so it’s now going to take my whole day up just to spend 30 mins talking to this bloke . Technically , we are supposed to be on site anyway but we have big projects we are doing and I can’t work around others so I use my home study / summerhouse for this .
not only this , disabled child is not sleeping at all atm so the mornings are horrendous. (Zero outside support apart from a legend of a childminder )
I honestly deeply regret starting this course so much and cannot wait to just submit the work (early ) and walk away. I won’t even go to the graduation in the summer . My other degree was entirely online and it was ideal and I feel stupid for signing up to this one at an actual uni .
I have literally dreamed about doing this degree since I was a kid and it’s just been such a disappointment I feel Ill and grumpy now because I have to go in tomorrow . It should have been something I enjoy .

Hope it goes well.

I imagine not all students choose to do a degree at a Uni that involves a 4hr commute. It u a great they have not made you attend in order to pass.

Agreed , I’m lucky to not be dragged there thrice a week. It’s the nearest one that does the course and I can’t move house, this is our forever home I’ve worked so hard on it . I don’t think the uni care I’m not there , I submit good work , they are a business at the end of the day and are getting paid . Plus I buy and use all my own materials so they are probably quids in with me not showing up. I’m more cross with myself than anything as I’ve committed to it without considering all the practical stuff and I had unrealistic expectations of making friends and feeling a part of something and I’ve done my usual trick and and avoided everyone and it’s just become a chore .

Maybe if you had attended all the lectures and seminars that you were supposed to, you would be averaging more than 70%

but I have a very disabled child , and other children and zero support so while I awaited a school placement and recovered from surgery last year I couldn’t make it . We had to submit in the May and I didn’t even start working on it until February . And the lectures really aren’t lectures they are so incredibly basic , I’ve worked in the industry for years and had my own business so this degree was purely as a stepping stone to a PHD and I knew these couple of years were going to be rough with my child and thought that a uni course would be more manageable (and give me some sort of purpose/ social interaction outside the home) rather than trying to keep working. I’m severely isolated and depressed and I thought this would help but it’s too physically demanding to go there often. I’m a bit of a knob really , I appreciate that .

Good for you for going and doing what you can, and please stop putting yourself down. You've done your best given your circumstances. I'm not sure if you said when you'll be done, but hopefully it's soon. Keep grinding for now.

What is your end goal? Are you on target to achieving it? Keep the goal in mind.

Your other goals of interaction and making friends could only have been achieved if you attended lectures and interacted with others on your course... perhaps you need to rethink if this is still important to you and if it is.. to find another way of achieving this.

Sometimes things don't work out like we hope, so we have to reassess. Your home situation sounds difficult and is likely to be a contributing factor to your depression. Do you have a partner? Do they help give you space for yourself? Or are you both runnibg just to stand still..

Maybe you need to separate the uni work goals from the social interaction goals, give yourself a pat on the back for the university work and go back to the drawing board for the social interaction stuff.

Eh up, you’re not any kind of a knob,

Well done on getting through the course so far.

Can you use the commute time to listen to a podcast, watch something you’ve downloaded? I know that’s not the point but i can’t think what else to say.

Youve done extraordinarily well to manage what you have, you deserve recognition for that.

And if you’re anything like me, the anticipation of the day ahead is often worse than the actual thing iykwim.

I hope your child starts sleeping again soon. My DS has SN and it’s a special sort of exhaustion that comes with parenting children with disabilities.

All power to you Op, you’re nearly at the end.

You sound like you've made the absolute best of a challenging circumstance to get one step closer to your goal of doing a PhD. I feel like I understand where you're coming from as I did an OU degree, then an in-person masters as a mature student. The experience of being older than your cohort and, in my case married and a homeowner, meant there was extremely little we had in common to make the basis for friendships so it continued to be isolating. It is tough but the fact that you've pretty much almost done it shows your determination and character.

Can you reframe tomorrow in your mind? Yes it's short notice and probably a challenge but, it's the last in-person hurdle to your degree. Get it out of the way and you can start to mentally move on to completion from home and your next steps.

Also, the skills you've gained in doing this all in a self-directed and solitary way will stand you in good stead for a research degree. I'm almost finished my PhD now (hopefully!!) and I have drawn so much from the skills I learnt going it alone, so to speak. Others who have come straight through the conventional uni experience have struggled to adjust in ways that haven't affected me. So you're skills, determination, drive and ability to do all that with a family and a disabled child are amazing to me!

All the best with it!

@Purpleavocado
@HoofWankingSpangleCunt
@ChateauMargaux

Thanks for your kind words . Yes, the course itself isn’t what I expected there’s a very strange atmosphere and everyone already seemed to know each other and have made groups . I’ve dropped my son off many mornings after getting up at 5am to look presentable and be ready and then got as far as the bus for the tube and just burst into tears and walked home because I can’t face it . I’m crying now because I have to go there tomorrow . I feel like getting a doctors letter and just working from home until the spring they’d probably have to let me do the presentation on a video link too. It’s a case of just finishing it because I’ve started it now . It was a mistake and a waste of time really.
I never recovered mentally after having my youngest I’ve not had a night out/off since they were born so it’s a bit pointless making real life friends really anyway.
it’s only a few months .

I feel you completely. I have just started uni as a mature student. It's 5 days a week with 45 mins to an hour commute, plus all the school drop offs and pick ups. This is not how I envisaged uni life, I have hardly any time at home to be able to absorb any of the information and I feel like I'm treading treacle!! It's also half term yet reading week is next week! I am starting to wonder whether these places just aren't made for us and it's just a business deal to them. I am 20 years behind all my classmates, they all sat their a levels last year, I didn't sit any, yet I got accepted.

@MuddledMiddle Well that’s an amazingly positive spin on everything. Thank you for taking the time to put that. I’m in a very negative place with it all and the way you describe it makes me feel that if I select online / distance uni going forward I might enjoy it again.
im going to just bang out the dissertation and project and treat it like a hobby and stop overthinking it all. I was never going to fit in there…. And whatever happens I’m not going to sign up to any in person courses in future , as it’s not helped me socially it’s just upset me and cost me a fortune in train fares !

@Buddrinker84
I think you might be right , although a lot of my fellow students were mature but I didn’t click with them. They all seemed to be child free and able to socialise and do stuff together and the reality was that I couldn’t . I’ve had a long , stressful , painful life and it’s shaped my character , I’m kind and pleasant but I’m cynical and live in a constant state of high alert waiting for the next crisis or drama to loom so if someone invites me to go and sit in a cafe or wonder around sightseeing I feel guilty , like I should be somewhere else , cleaning, organising, planning , Administration etc etc so I’m probably just not fun to be around 😂
5 days though? Blimey how on earth will you manage this? Do you have any help?

i am just coming off the back off a degree, then masters at late 40s

Everyone was very friendly and nice but i never really thought i'd actually make proper friends there. (and i have, with a few other mature students). but i also have my own pre-uni mates and so don't need tons more,

students do like having an organised one in their group for group work - even if they may think i am CHIEF NAG!

i didn;t attend most lectures when i had the option of doing online pre covid (and that was only a 1 hour commute/tube) as it was inefficient to attend for 1 hour then go home - i did of course watch all the lectures afterwards and attended any tutorials.

Not sure why anyone is saying you can do BETTER than 70% - thats a first (unless its Open uni, which this course obv isn't). 70% is great!

Yes I do have the hubby at home but his work cannot change due to its nature, so I have to pick up most of the slack. 5 days is gruelling and like you, its easier to study at home. I'm going to power through though and hope it will start to click soon.

I’ve recently had to move out of the area of my Uni, half way through a degree. My commute is between 90 mins and 2.5 hours each way depending on traffic, via two buses.

It’s STEM so I have to be there 5 days a week, there are labs most days, seminars, workshops and lectures which are interactive.

I hated learning online during Covid, I actually suspended studying due to it. Single parent, disabled, three children, one disabled = zero chance of being able to study online.

Previous commute was 15 mins. I’m finding the new one fucking exhausting but I’m getting lots of the outside reading done during that time.

Before I suspended studying, I had 4 mature students in my cohort, who have all finished their Masters now, whereas I’m in my second year of UG, and the only mature student in this cohort.

Been in your shoes. I've felt like this on every degree course I've ever been on. Ask for mitigating circumstances regarding face to face. Don't beat yourself up, you aren't a knob.

@MithrilCostsMore
can you do that? I’ve just emailed and cried off sick tomorrow . I was getting really upset and my son was due back from daycare I didn’t want him to see me upset . I can get 6/7 hrs done on my dissertation instead of getting beaten up on rush hour tube and suffering an adrenaline / cortisone crash and being Ill all the next day. it’s a no brainer really!

@Mombie2016
that sounds terrible. It takes a huge amount of dedication to do that. I couldn’t .

...70 is a first...