To feel irritated by wealthy parents moaning about the cost of living?

[EmilyLou23]

My parents are retired. They live in a 5 bed house with no mortgage. Not entirely clear in their finances but I know they pay higher rate tax on their income now and have some savings on top.

They are driving me mad moaning about the economy and the cost of living and having worked all their lives and now not getting to enjoy it.

At the same time they have been on 3 or 4 holidays this year, eat out fairly frequently, spend about £80 a week at the supermarket…

i just want them to be less stressed so they can enjoy life (and to stop feeling dragged down when I see them).

Just a rant really. But AIBU to think they need to get a bit of perspective?

I would just asking them bluntly - “in what sense are you not getting to enjoy it?”

How are they paying higher rate tax if they're retired?

They probably just begrudge having to pay so much on energy.

I think you may tax on your income from a private pension over the personal allowance and the rate depends on how much that income is.

Many retired people get enough income from their investments to pay higher rate tax.
It would piss me off if my parents complained, they have way more disposable income, but it could need to lay them another 20 years, they’ve been retired almost 30 already. They have no prospect of topping up their assets or income though so that is a worry.

You could ask them to explain a bit more?

I think no one likes when things go backwards, personally or nationally.

Ah ok, I didn't realise that.

Surely if they've got sufficient income from investments and pensions that they're paying higher rate tax then they're not doing too badly!

Sounds like they need some perspective. They can pretty much afford to do what they want, when they want. A very fortunate position to be in.

As you age you can get fixated on things. If they are focusing on the cost of living and feeding into that, via each other and every conversation, then you're going to hear about it, on repeat. Perhaps just gently challenge/question what they are saying, as suggested.

It's all relative isn't it?

If they enjoyed a certain life style (even if it's one most of us could only dream of) , and now they need to make cutbacks or have to be more careful, they will feel it. They will moan about it. They will be resentful. It's human nature.

A homeless person or someone living in abject poverty will say the same about people that just about make ends meet.

People that just about make ends meet would say the same about your family and situation.

On and on it goes.

Yes it would be less frustrating and annoying if they were more realistic and more importantly realised they had options and how lucky they are to have options, but it is what it is.

Do you never “moan about anything” to them?

Maybe they just feel better talking their worries through, as most people do. It doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a huge source of stress to them. It seems every other conversation at the moment us about the cost of living.

I totally get where you’re coming from OP.
Lots of older people genuinely don’t realise that costs of basics have outstripped earnings to an extent that even middle-income people are struggling.
Ask them:
What was the average property price compared to their income when they purchased their house?
What proportion of their net income did they spend on utilities and food?
How much did they have left after paying their mortgage/rent and bills?
At what age were they able to make savings?
Then explain how things have changed now.
Times is definitely worse now than 30 - 40 years ago…

If it bothers them then it bothers them. I couldn't get fussed about them having a moan.

All of us moan about something that others wouldn't.

Ha! My dsis has assets worth several (3-4 at least) million ….and is moaning at the drop in her pension value. I was a little curt in my response to be fair….

My mum recently disclosed they have £6m in property, investments and cash in addition to my dad getting around £100k/year for life as a pension. They are always worrying about costs. They have £6m mostly through working all their lives, living way below their means, property market and my immigrant grandparents who were clipping coupons until they died and all the kids inherited 7 figures. They just CANNOT unclench from a lifetime of being financially conservative. My mum keeps saying, what if we need 24/7 care, it could go away quickly etc… there is no reasoning with her, even with extortionate care costs they probably 25 years worth! She’s still going to buy the budget bacon and fret over replacing a 15 year old basic fleece.

Why do they have to explain?

What’s this bullshit of you can complain because I think you have it better than me?

Someone creates a post about someone using mental health as an excuse to abuse her daughter and people get angry because it must mean you think my mental health issue is not real, seriously???

I think it's understandable op to get tired of it.

Of course even well off people can notice a pinch in finances, and worry about it.

But I think if someone was moaning about now enjoying their money, after having four holidays, I would point out that a lot of very hard working people are lucky to get one holiday a year.

I wouldn't harp on it, but I'd say it once, I think.

I just meant the OP is not really understanding their POV, so could ask them a bit more about it.